Aku ingin

Aku Ingin

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan kayu
kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan
kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

Sapardi Djoko Damono (sasterawan Indonesia)

Lembut bahasanya...
Sebenarnya tak perlu pada kata-kata dashyat atau berlebih-lebihan. Kata-kata yang mudah namun sarat dengan makna pasti lebih senang difahami dan diingati.

Puisi ini seperti membawa makna yang sedih namun indah. Cinta yang tak terluahkan, hanya mampu ditanggap oleh yang mahu mengambil waktu sebentar dari hidup untuk meneliti sekelilingnya: kadang-kadang apa yang tidak nampak nyata tidak semestinya tiada.
.
.
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Yesterday I watched the movie Definitely, Maybe (2008).
I really think that a decent regular funny guy like Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds) would really be heaven sent ;)

Someday we'll know

Lyrics | New Radicals lyrics - Someday We'll Know lyrics

Who is more affected by a heartbreak?
Who is more immune to rejected affection?
Who could bear the humiliation of placing your heart on the hands of others only to watch it being thrown away, stomped upon as if it is of no value?

Does being a girl or a boy would make a difference?

I think it doesn't. If you're broken, then you're shattered until you heal. The rate of you healing would depend on how much have you gambled with your one shot of finding a place in their hearts.

I always thought it as ironic that even when you give so much and risk everything for something, there is always a chance that you won't get anything. Sometimes you even lose all that you gave.

How can it be that the blessing of love is only given to only one in the supposedly 2 players in the game of love?
Where is the fairness of that situation?

Maybe love is not governed by the rules of fairness. They say, "All is fair in love and war". So maybe it is also true with the lack of love.

I pity with the person in this song. The reality of fixed love destinies are hard to accept and sometimes cruel in the lesson. Wanting someone hard enough won't make her yours. You have to move on: anything more than a year (in the song it's 2 years. Should it even be this long?) is really wasting your time. Why? Because the world won't stop just to wait for you to heal. You have to heal while moving on with life.

Give a little of your heart only to those who'll trade it with some of their own. There is no such thing as unconditional love for us mortals. Unconditional love is ultimately divine. I think it is not something we humans are capable of.

...well, at least someday we'll know whether or not this is true. If this ever happens to me, I hope I'll have the strength and grace to take my own advice.

This quiz is freaking me out

I was tagged by Wanie. The results are disconcerting as it is somewhat the same as what I think myself. Wanna be freaked out like me? Go here.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
(As my friend Fazleen once said, "People have different dimensions." Maybe I am being too careful?)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
(I do like to think so)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.
(Yes, but I do hope he's wearing a sign with blinking neon lights or something just so that I won't miss him :p )

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. (Exactly!)

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
( I have this dream of being a National Geographic photographer. I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to do it)

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
(I think this is kinda true. Kinda)

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
(People often mistake this for indecision but actually when I want to do something, I'd do it. That's why I manage to shop for only 30 min when others take 2 hours!)

Wanted: Soulmate ;)

Lyrics | Savage Garden lyrics - To The Moon And Back lyrics

I am very touched by the concern of many people about my single, mingle and jingle status :)
They are so very concerned that several people (I think now the count is at 3 people) even dream about me getting engaged! When I asked, she said that she can't clearly see my "fiance's" face but he has a mustache. So now I am playing a game in my head by actively assessing all my acquaintances for their possession of a mustache and ask myself: could it be HIM? and then I'll laugh at myself for the silliness of it all :D haha.
But maybe some of you want to know the truth? Hmm...
Let me put it this way:
Of course I want to with somebody whom I can share my life with! I am not a nun. BUT, as of right now the goal of finding a soulmate has fallen to third place in my list of priorities in life. The first is finishing my PhD and second is making family happy (why is the family second? it's because by completing my PhD, that would also make them happy. They'll always be first in my heart). So my life now is basically family and career oriented.
Furthermore, finding a soulmate is too much work....it's not something that come to me easily. I feel that it is not in my power to do. So I'll leave my heart's question for Allah's answer. I'll leave it to HIM.
Like in the song, I'm waiting for the right kind of pilot to come. It's kinda like this: I've prepared the mosque and all. The only thing I need is the Imam hehehe (gelak gatal).
So now, what I can do is to finish my PhD and be with my family. This is in my power and I intend to do it with all my heart.
.............................

These are some interesting quotes that I got while surfing:

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
Anais Nin

(Yes, someone who is worthy of me and I hope to God that I am worthy of him)

Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye.
Thomas Fuller

( I think it's also true for choosing a husband, it'll be a nightmare to have someone more stupid than you or someone you can't connect at any level because of different wavelengths :p )

Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.
Joseph Joubert

(Just hope that he's not gay, girlfriend! haha. But on a more serious note, this is true. You should be able to trust and depend on him. You'll share everything with him, it'd be difficult if you despise him)

But I don't know if people are meant to be together. You have to have a lot in common, choose well and be really fortunate. It's not like you're sprinkled with fairy dust. You have to believe that love will be there when you need it.
Claire Danes

(Get real, fairy tales are just that: fairy tales. But that don't mean that we can't be happy)

My message is this:
To find or not to find a soulmate is entirely as God wills it to be. To be loved in itself is a blessing and there's no need to rush or mope around feeling sad and blue because you have no one. You can't stall your whole life just because of a little glitch on the way. Move forward! Be all that you can be and you will receive all that you can have: no more, no less.

Geram

I disagree with the opinion of some people who think that it is OK to ignore a question or comment of another because they deem it to be "unimportant" and "unnecessary". I think that is plain snobbish. It's like treating the other person as inferior and always wanting to have the upper hand in a relationship. Helloooooo! Wake up! When will you realize that in dealing with people, there is no such thing as control or proven theories? Every one is unique and so don't attempt to stereotype everyone so that their profile could fit into one of your little theories. You are mocking them and I despise you.

Playlist tagging game

RULES:
*put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, Realplayer etc. on shuffle.
*for each question, press the next button to get your answer.
*you must write that song name down NO MATTER HOW SILLY it sounds.
*put any comments in brackets after the song name.
*for best result,put in various song from various singer at least 50 songs

1. if someone says, "Will u marry me..." u say?
Sacrifice--Elton John
(mcm kahwin paksa je)

2. how would u describe urself?
God must have spent a little more time on you-- N'Sync
(hahaha, perasan gileee)

3. what do u like in a girl / boy?
Cobalah untuk setia-- Kris Dayanti
(betul, betul, betul)

4. how do u feel today?
Kau Kekasihku--Siti Nurhaliza
(wahhh)

5. what is ur life's purpose?
Anthem for the Year 2000-- silverchair
(ganasnye weh)

6. what is ur motto?
Bring me to life-- Evanescence
(yes, I need a LIFE!! :p )

7. what do ur friends think of u?
Everything I do I do it for you -- Bryan Adams
(ya..mmg kawan2 saya budiman semuanya hehe, thanx 4 everything guys!)

8. what do u think of ur parents?
Don't forget about us -- Mariah Carey
(insyaAllah...love forever)

9. what do u think about very often?
Superman-- Five for fighting
(hahahahaha)

10. what is some good advice for me?
Alasanmu-- Exist
(aduh..)

11. what do u think of ur best fren?
Please forgive me-- Bryan Adams
(maafkan jika banyak buat salah..)

12. what do u think of the person u like?
I love the way you love me-- Boyzone
(wahhhh sape la tu agaknye?? ;) )

13. what is ur life story?
Take me to your heart-- Micheal Learns to Rock
(hehehe..adakah ini petanda akan ada happy ending??)

14. what do u want to be when u grow up?
If tomorrow never comes-- Ronan Keating
(masih adakah esok??)

15. what do u think of when u see the person u like?
I can't live without your love-- The Boyz
(huh? apsal mcm mjawab nih?! konfius)

16. what will u dance at ur wedding?
Bukan diriku-- Samsons
(sedih gile..ye la, merujuk pada soalan no.1, mcm kawen paksa je)

17. what will they play at ur funeral?
Kesepian-- Dygta
(sedih...sepi jika ku tiada..hmm)

18. what is ur hobby / interest?
Bila April -- Dr Fazley
(hobi ape nih?)

19. what is ur biggest fear?
Friend Like Me-- soundtrack from Disney's Aladdin
(yeah, I've always thought that if there were another person exactly like me the world would collapse)

20. what is ur biggest secret?
Signal Fire-- Snow Patrol
(hmm...ape la maksudnye ni?)

21. what do u think of ur friends?
Thunder-- Boys Like Girls
The lyrics:

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder

22. what did u do last night?
Red Blooded Woman-- Kylie Minogue
(skandalnye)

23. how would u describe ur mom?
Love Stoned-- Justin Timberlake
(forgive me mom!)

24. what do people assume when then first look at me?
Imagination-- Jessica Simpson
(imagine? hahaha, hard to believe that there's someone could be as weird as me??)

25. will I have a happy life?
Where ever you will go -- The Calling
(ye la kan..kn da kawen paksa, so i'll do the best tht I can to have a happy life. mana tau bahagia? hehe :p )

I'm tagging:
K.nana
Sha
Fazleen
Hani
Lili
Alia

To talk in riddles

Sometimes I feel like crying, but the tear never fall.
Sometimes my heart moves in such a way that it becomes hard to breathe.

I am sad to see my ideals being raped by people much powerful than me.
I am thankful that there are still people that believe in ethics and truth supremacy although I fear they are now few and far between.

Yes, I know I'm being a tad naive. But, isn't a dream is also a target? Ideals are not dreams, it is a target with potential to become reality.

Other people question my religion, trying relentlessly to strip it from what it is bit by bit.

Usage of specific words, challenging the context of religion interpretation and also discussing the suitability of Islamic regulations in today's world are just some of the intentional interference into my religion.
Are we so dumb that we can't organize and manage for our own? Do we need intervention from others to tell us what we must or must not do?
For you, your own religion. For me, my religion.
It's just that simple.

I long for the day when truth prevails.

Do you know that darkness results from the absence of light?
The degree of darkness depend on the intensity of the light.
You can make light shine brighter, but can you make the dark be darker?
We are now in darkness because we do not have the light. The light comes in the form of knowledge, not a bolt from the sky.
Allah would not help those who refuse to help themselves.

Kata- kata seorang ustaz yang aku tak tahu namanya:

Bila ahli kebenaran tidak mahu menyebarkan beritanya, maka ahli kebatilan lah yang akan menyebarkan syiarnya