I hate it when...

I think I am quite traditional ini a number of things. Petty things that won't matter to anyone sometimes tick me off and make me VERY annoyed. Example of my pet peeve:

1. I hate it when other people without a greeting or even a smile go into the lab/room as if they have a clue of what they're doing, look around, look at me with a blank snobbish face and then go out. Have you no manners?? There I was, standing in front of them in plain view but still they don't ask me anything. Sometimes these people just do whatever they want, without asking for permission eventhough they are outsiders. Ah..how I wish I could knock their heads and say, "Hello, did you leave your manners at home?"

2. I don't like it when people text me without a greeting first. Is it too much to ask for a simple "Hi" "Salam" "Hello"???? To me, I'd see it as arrogance in your part. You dare to ask for something and want me to respond without ever acknowledging me first. You think you're so important that I have to bow to your every whim? Aiyoh...it is common courtesy, people!

3. I simply hate it when I am talking to somebody online, suddenly the person is gone without a word and then expect me to understand and move on with my life? Is it too much to ask for "sorry, I got to go" or "Something came up. Catch you later". Again, this is common courtesy. Who are you to make them wait? Why leave them hanging like that? It makes me feel stupid; talking to someone who is not even there. Suddenly when you wondered wth they've gone, you notice a little note: gone to play ball or out to lunch. Is that person so undeserving of your attention that you treat them like that? Grr.

...hmmph. Finally I got that out of my chest. These are the things most commonly done by men but the 1st one usually by women. Why? Beats me, I still can't figure it out why they often lack basic social graces and etiquette. "Ah, I didn't realize it" is a really shitty reason ok. Treat others as you want to be treated. That's simple enough, right?

A piece of me, anyone?

If all through the day all you can think about is how to get your next meal, where to sleep tonight and whether tomorrow you have to think about this all over again... how would you find the time to think about other things?
This is why poverty strips the people of the chance of realizing its full potential. They are thinking about how to survive the next day, so they don't give a damn about the rest of the world. If it is hard to even stand up, how in the world could we move forward?

Right?

If all your days are filled with reminders of unfinished work, unmet deadlines and constant nagging of superiors...how could we think about anything else but work?
This is why people engrossed in only one thing in life would only get what they busted their asses for. These people won't or can't even spare a minute for their hobbies or anything they like doing: reading a good book or writing a good entry in their blog. In their minds, these "minor" things is dwarfed by the desire to excel in their chosen fields.

But I want more. I need more.

Sometimes, I feel guilty. I can't seem to balance my life to include all required elements that would make my life whole. I don't blame anyone, it is my failure and my failure alone.
I cant seem to multitask! How to plan my life in such a way that it'll be balanced?
Sometimes I see myself like a pie: I would cut myself into little pieces and give it out for everyone that wants me. Right now, I don't know who's getting the biggest piece.

What every element (family, self, work) demand from me is not anything more than what they should get from me. What they want is something that I should give them in the first place; they should not even have to ask it from me in the first place because it is my duty, my responsibility to them. Them: family, supervisor, friends, self.
Pada diriku ada hak- hak mereka yang perlu aku tunaikan untuk mereka.
Janganlah diriku ini sampai zalim: meletakkan sesuatu bukan pada tempatnye; memberi atau menahan sesuatu bukan pada yang sepatutnya.

Ya Allah, peliharalah diriku dari itu. Amin.

Brainwashed: The aftermath

Yesterday my labmates and I got brainwashed [you must work in a better way, what they did was for the best for all, they are good people...yada yada yada].
Did the session succeed? Well, I don't know.
As I see it, people tend to look at the same event with different lenses. So, because of this they see different things. Because of this simple reason I think the brainwashing session won't give the same effect to everyone.
To me, when I stepped into the room I bring with me a set of emotions, knowledge and past experiences that act as a lens for me to view the situation. Different people have different set of emotion, knowledge and experience so they possess lens that are different from me.
When I talked to some of my labmates, the conclusions they drew from the meeting was different from me; sometimes even something that I've never thought before.
From this experience I could see the importance of communication: each party MUST understand wth the other party is talking about and what is their true intention. This must be made clear and articulated clearly. It is even better to put it in writing so that things would not go out of focus.
If not, the grey areas left behind as loops between the blacks and whites of a situation would give ample room for speculation. Speculation leads to what? Distorted image and chaos in addition to needless hurt and tortured souls (sorry for the exaggeration :p ).
Surely, we don't want that in an organization. Otherwise, the organization would be weak. Like a house made of paper that would be destroyed when tested with just a gust of wind or a splash of rain. Gone.

Burn

Tell me: if you speak louder, does that make you right? Does advantage in the decibels of your voice make you more correct?
NO.
I know that.
However, it is hard to stand your ground when people are shouting and intimidating you to thrust their ideas into your head and make your walls crumble. This is a psychological war: the one with more mental strength would come out the victor but not necessarily prove they are right.
That is why when faced with a hostile opponent, distance yourself. Calm down, let them burn in their wrath alone. Don't get burned too.

Hell on earth

You know when people say "Heaven is a place on earth" like in the Abba song?
Well, I don't know about heaven but I do know a place that could be a candidate for "Hell on earth". It is my lab.

Malap

---Jiwang Alert!---

Kubiarkan cahaya bintang memilikimu
Kubiarkan angin yang pucat dan tak habis-habisnya
Gelisah, tiba-tiba menjelma isyarat, merebutmu …
Entah kapan kau bisa kutangkap

~Sapardi Djoko Damono

15 tahun adalah sela masa yang terlalu lama.
Pasti ada yang telah berubah, namun pasti ada juga yang masih kekal.
Menunggu dalam gelap, merenung cahaya yang kian malap dan mungkin hilang bila-bila masa.
Andai waktu itu datang sebelum aku mampu bergerak dan mencari cahaya lain, aku pasti rebah dalam kegelapan.
Sebenarnya aku sekarang tidak lagi mendambakan cahaya itu menjadi semakin terang. Aku berasa cukup dengan mengingat keindahan yang pernah suatu masa menjadi milikku, walaupun hanya dalam angan- angan.
Aku inginkan cahaya lain sekarang. Cahaya yang lain. Pasti tidak akan sama, namun itulah yang terbaik. Yang dahulu biarkan berlalu.
Aku sebenarnya tidak tahan dalam kegelapan. Ya Allah, berikanlah aku cahaya.

Project title: LIFE

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night'
~Charles M. Schulz

What is the state of life I'm currently in?
Hmm...
I've always subject my actions and words to close scrutiny after end of each day. I'll evaluate and re-evaluate everything before going to bed each night.
Sometimes I don't even wait till the end of the day: I evaluate my actions and words right after the event. This means that I've always attempted to view my life with a helicopter-like perspective. To take a step back and be a stranger looking in a little window of my life.
Then, after I finish assessing my conduct, I'll move on to analyze and interpret the words and actions of others. Whether or not I agree with them, what are their motivations for saying/doing something, what are the reasons of their actions and how did I contribute to the situation. Ultimately, I use all of the information gathered after all the analysis to answer the question: What can I do to better myself?
I am not perfect, far from it. To be a perfect being, you need to experience everything. EVERYTHING. So in this short period of life that each of us is given, we can't have it all. It is impossible for a mere human to be perfect because all of us are certain to meet death.
So how?
I think the best that we can do is to be as perfect as humanly possible. We can take a leaf from someone else's book of life: learn their experiences, their mistakes, their strength, their successes, their story. Then, mirror that in your own life by picturing the possible pitfalls and the possible route to the top. However, don't forget to analyze yourself as well. If you're fooled once, thats OK coz you're a newbie. If you're fooled twice it's still ok coz maybe you're just careless. But thrice? Maybe you're bordering on stupid haha :p
You are, after all, the main subject matter in the experiment called "Your own Life". Don't fail the test!


...and this is definately going take more than one night.

Revolusi bilis

--merapu Alert!!--

Revolusi - Bunkface

Aku keliru
menjadi buntu
arah yang ingin ku tuju

Rasa resah ku
kian celaru
dengan ilham ku tempuh

Aku cuma mahukan
bayangan resah ku akan hilang
tapi keadaan memaksa
menghadapi semua

OO.. OH OO..OH

Inikah revolusi
atau hanya ilusi
bagaikan mimipi jadi realiti

Rasional diriku
rasional dirimu
penentu masa
masa depan ku

Adakah masa
menjadi punca
diriku dalam dilema

Benarkah anjakkan paradigma
susuli ku terima

Aku cuma mahukan
bayangan resah ku akan hilang
tapi keadaan memaksa
menghadapi semua

Sebelum keadaan memungkinkan revolusi, keadaan itu perlu dahulu menjadi kacau-bilau, tak tentu arah, semua baik dan buruk bercampur baur.
To choose revolution would be like choosing to walk through fire barefoot and hoping that somehow you'll make it through.
The fire will test you, like the heat that burn ceramic. If there is any cracks to the otherwise smooth surface, the fire would expose the weakness. A crack or hole can never withstand the heat and pressure and thus cause the vase to break into pieces.
But if there are no cracks, the blazing fire will strengthen and harden the vase.
It is the same with you. If you dare to walk through fire, ensure that there are no weakness in your heart- only courage. Otherwise, you'll break due to the stress on your shoulder that eats away your heart.
I'm dire need of a revolution.
.
.
.
.
I want to graduate and be free of all this!

Rasional diriku
rasional dirimu
penentu masa
masa depan ku

Kalau salah seorang x rasional macam mana?
It's like this: kalau ikan paus dengan ikan paus bergaduh, boleh ke ikan bilis melepaskan diri? Boleh, kalau dia pandai. Tapi kalau silap langkah, ikan paus tu buka mulut je, da termakan ikan bilis tanpa dia sedari. Seekor ikan bilis dalam mulut ikan paus...mane dia nak perasan kan?!!
Lagi sadis kalau ikan bilis tu berangan nak lawan ikan paus. Dia lupa dia ikan bilis. Baik lupakan sahaja.
.
.
.
Lainlah kalau boleh minta tolong jerung! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gelak jahat lagi menakutkan).

Reflected dimensions

Wow.
Tu je yang boleh cakap sekarang.
It has always puzzled me how people up front could be totally different from what they project themselves to be on screen, online.
But I shouldn't be too shocked, eyh?
It is the same when people you know for a fact that they are generally nice people (you never know them well enough to be sure) could be devils on the road.
Haha.
Masa tu semua sumpah seranah, jampi serapah semua keluar. And I'd be glued stuck to seat, hanging on for dear life.


Kadang-kadang terkejut bile bace org curse online. Never thought that such foul words could come out that angelic mouth. Uh, stop. Memang x pernah keluar, taip je kan. Somehow they rationalize it to be different.

So now I'll repeat what my friend told me. I'll never stop being amazed at how true it is:

People have many different dimensions

So don't be fooled into thinking that you know somebody inside out, maybe you're only looking at only one of the many dimensions posessed by that individual. The dimensions are not always continuous like a sphere. Rather, I like to think personalities have sides like cubes or diamonds. What you see at one angle may not be the same as the other sides that you can't see. We all have our own dark secrets or just secrets...it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Mind you, I am NOT talking of bipolar disorder or any mental diseases. The different dimensions that we have would work together synergistically to reflect our whole being. The colours that we shine forth from ourselves, as another beautiful unique colour in the world's canvas.
This is what makes us different and sets us apart from all the rest ;)

Mind transcension

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
~Albert Einstein

Read this and this.
I am puzzled by the tendency of some people to theorize and judge everything. It's seems to me that when something is too big for them to understand, they'll break it down to little pieces just so that it could fit into their own little minds.
..sometimes when something so big is broken into something so small, the reality that is apparent and vivid when seen as a whole is lost and replaced by something far more inferior.
.
.
.
Why can't we accept that there are so much that we could not even dream to understand?
Why can't we see the beauty of not understanding, of not knowing something that is beyond the limits of our own mind?
Refusal to accept the fact that there is something much more, something much bigger that what is grasp by our understanding would hamper our progress because we are unable to overcome that one stumbling block that lay on our paths. Acceptance of the reality that there is a greater power would enable us to fly far beyond the reaches of our mind.
Where science fails, philosophy starts.
Where the senses weaken, faith grows stronger.

Answer me this: can a diamond be cut by something less than a diamond? Can a knife made from the hardest iron make even a dent on the diamond?
The answer is NO.
How can the mind, which is itself something created, figure out the Creator?
How can something so weak be attested to something greater?
If you are an honest person, you can't possibly defend this.

A scientist's job is to figure out the laws that govern the universe, complete with facts and evidence that can't be refuted. However, there is a tendency to deny and sideline everything that could not be explained simply because the mind can't take it. Could it be that when something goes against the accepted conventional wisdom and we judge it to be wrong, it really means that we are incompetent enough to not know the difference between false facts and false theories? How can we blame the evidence when the evidence is what is in front of us?

Too many questions unanswered, just because the answer is too damn obvious. It is an cowardly way out they say, to credit/blame everything to divinity.
But isn't it an easier way?
.
.
.
...this is getting too heavy. I got to stop now and leave all of you to your thoughts: wherever that may take you.