Back 2 Good

Back 2 Good - Matchbox 20


Lyrics | Matchbox 20 lyrics - Back 2 Good lyrics

When this song is played, I picture myself in a dimly lit coffee house with a live band on stage.
There are little round wooden tables with plain white sheets that look almost orange under the lighting. There are not many people there, just some minding their own business and having quiet unnecessary conversations.
I'd sit alone at a corner table, drinking up the atmosphere and drown myself in the music. At the side of my table, there is a couple of old lovers. The woman was dressed in a green sequined dress and wore heavy makeup, as if trying to erase the years under thick layers of chalk. The man was unassuming, just looking at the band onstage as if not really hearing anything and seeing right through the walls. Maybe the couple is just doing a routine night out, just as they did for the past 30 years. Thinking back about the events that move them to this moment, they are lost in the thousands of possibilities that they could experience. There are no new memories, just a great desire to reminisce and re-live the old times.
Silent.
All the what-ifs and whys are taking a toll on the way people see the world. All the questions that constantly assail our confidence in others would eventually erode it bit by bit until the hard truths stare out at you.
However, sometimes the questions arise from our own insecurity and the need to belong and accepted. Looking through this perspective, sometimes we see and feel things that are really not there at all. We can never know what the other is feeling and thinking: so to contemplate on these things would only bring ruin.
People sometimes don't understand why people don't or won't understand them. For me, what is there to understand? Can't we live with our differences and search for a way to go round them? People are always worked up about being the victim, about always being the one so wronged. Dramatize life, so that we can rationalize our failures and shortcomings.
Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are best left unsaid. Let it go.
If we don't, we will never get it back to good. No one is backing down, so everyone is going nowhere. In the end we are just left with memories of possibilities, lonely in our decision to always be right regardless of the consequences.
Well, it is really important, you know... to be right.

Biar jelas

Sangat setuju dengan artikel ini.
Hahaha, mmg best kata-kata ustaz, "Selamat menduda kerana-Nya"
kalau perempuan, takkan nak kata "Selamat menjanda kerana-Nya"?
Memang susah untuk jadi ganjil. Menjadi berlawanan daripada arus bukanlah sesuatu yang fitrah, kita kena paksakannya.
Sebenarnya yang setuju sangat tu bukan apa, cuma sangat tertarik pada approach ustaz. Memang perlu beri isyarat yang jelas, tiada kiasan-kiasan apabila melibatkan soal hati. Kalau dah sampai takat dia meluahkan perasaannya, janganlah bersikap zalim dengan alasan mahu "menjaga hati" lalu memberi isyarat-isyarat yang boleh ditafsir seribu makna. Nak ke taknak? Sebab dia akan tunggu kau. Kalau taknak, cakap dengan jelas. Boleh move on, kau pun mungkin bukanlah yang paling baik untuk dia.
Tentang hal ber'couple' sebelum kahwin, I'm 50-50. Still thinking about it. Bagus juga kalau kenal, tapi kalau sampai "kenal" melampaui batas, pastilah tidak setuju. Tengok dari perspektif mana pun, pakai logik mana pun: perempuan juga yang rugi. Ingat tu.

Pixeled view

Change is necessary for several reasons, and you completely understand that. After all, change is second nature to you -- the more sudden the better. Still, even you occasionally have a problem adapting to something startling that's handed down from on high -- especially if it happens without your input. Fortunately, everything that's going on now was more or less personally orchestrated by you. Count your blessings and resolve to be patient if it's not always this way.

Hey, look at my horoscope today.
I like to read horoscopes, not because I totally believe what it says and follow it to the tee but I like the sayings. For me, it's like a personal quote just for me.
For this one, it is good advice to count your blessings and be patient when things are changing toward the direction that you rather it not be. I really believe that everything will happen as it should be.
No injustice if you look at the big picture. Don't zoom in to a pixel and say that the whole picture is just a black dot. That way, you can't see the beautiful image life is trying to show you. The life we lead now have no map, so we don't know where we'll end up in the future. You can't even tell me for sure what will transpire 2 minutes ahead of time, so don't pass judgment on things that haven't fully unraveled yet.
Sometimes things are not what they seem; you just got to have faith ;)

retromode

Whats Up - 4non blondes - 4 Non Blondes


Lyrics | 4 Non Blondes lyrics - What's Up lyrics

Broken strings

Broken Strings - James Morrison

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

I can't get this song out of my head.
To feel like this song is to know that feeling is futile. No use.
It is the feeling that turns into knowing that the heart is hurt so deep inside that it can't be undone.
There is no more sadness, no more tears; just a desire to let go and let it be.
The eyes that see would notice the emptiness: the eyes won't reflect anything anymore. It runs too deep and sucks everything in. The smiles would turn into just a facial change; not a mirror of happiness or content.
The nagging feeling that somehow the situation would change if you could only get away, far away from them. Let them be with their dreams and aspirations..without you in the picture. Let them reach what they desire..without you in the future. It doesn't matter anymore.

Love is still there, but it is easier to let go. No use in trying to build on ruins. So all that is needed is a final goodbye, a final kiss before it all ends. As you know, letting go would destroy you but there is simply no use pushing on. Either way, it kills.

So yes, now I know first-hand passive aggression. It is toxic.

Everybody needs a holiday to keep us sane

Yes, and after that you can revert back to your crazy life...heheh.

I had a great and fulfilling holiday: it started on 2nd - 8th June 2009.

2nd June 2009
Lili's convocation. It was a moving event, especially when they awarded the Emeritus Professor to Prof Dr Shad Saleem Faruqi from Faculty of Law. I think he really deserved it! He looked and sound so humble eventhough he is the best in his field. These are some of the quotes I managed to pick from his speech:

Mempermudahkan yang sukar dan memperindahkan yang biasa

I may be retired but I am not tired

Kalau kita buat sesuatu kerja, mesti buat dengan cergas dan bergaya

I personally like the last one: even if we fall trying, then fall with style ya ;)
Truly, just by hearing his words, you know he's a great academician and a great man.

Then, after the convo event we went to eat nasi beriani Bukhara because Lili was pining for some. Ye la, orang convo bagi la can kan..haha.
After that, the whole family except Lili went straight to Kelantan for Kak Ann's wedding. I really can't say what went on during the trip as I slept the whole time as if drugged!
yeah, I admit that I do have motion sickness but to sleep the whole trip is a record even for me. Hmm..maybe lepas geram kot sebab hutang tido buat labwork (budget kerja keras la konon :p).
At around 9.00 pm we arrived at Manik Urai. This is actually not our main destination, we just stopped there so we can meet up with Mok Chik's family and also so that the journey wouldn't be too taxing to Ayah (he is the only one driving).

3rd June 2009
Everywhere in Manik Urai you can see party flags put up because of the by-election.
After spending the night there and enjoying fresh water fish sponsored by Abe Di, we were off to Kota Bharu!
We went first to the bride's house, Kampung Sireh. There we meet up with all the cousins, aunts, uncles, great-aunts and great-uncles (yes, I have a huge family) and we had BBQ, sponsored by A.Chik n C.Bi.
Then, late in the night we went to A.Chik n C.Bi's house as they were kind enough to give us a place to stay in their house :)

4th June 2009
I woke up freezing, the air con was too efficient that I though I was in North Pole.
After getting ready and wearing baju kurung with the theme colors (pink n grey), we were off to Kg Sireh to convoy to Masjid Kg Sireh for the akad nikah.
The most annoying thing to me is that someone in the Masjid thought it'd be a great idea to vacuum the carpet just as we were trying to get ready for the akad nikah. Kot ye pun, patut buatlah nanti2 or sebelum tu. Ish...
After that is the kenduri! Haha :D. I and Ewi was suddenly in charge of serving the people at the main table where the newlyweds makan beradab. Seriously, with no briefing and no grace at all I think both of us did alright, with special help from Abe Yea.
But we didn't mind, as after that we were the ones enjoying the special menu at the newlyweds table! Haha.
Then the bride and groom sat at the pelamin but there no upacara merenjis. So people just salam-salam and take pictures. Kudos to the photographer, he really knows his stuff ;)
Early that night, there were no specific event so me and Hani decided to sing our hearts out before other people come and take over the mic. Lili and others also joined in and everything just sorta move from there. Eventually people start to come and we sang, we danced and we poco-poco the night away :). I think my cousins were shocked I let it all out that night as I was usually quiet and reserved (perasan) but I think some perspectives must have changed that night ;) and I don't really care. But hey, biasalah, orang tensen PhD mmg mcm tu, everything pales in comparison to the enormity that awaits after the holidays (labwork, supervisor, paper etc.).
Then me and the rest of the girls had a late night out at PCB, enjoying fresh coconut, colek (I think that is what they call it~ it is a bit like rojak singapura laaa) and share stories of various subjects that range from cats to Bali and everything in between ;)

5th June 2009
In the morning we went to A.Su new house to Solat Hajat and also breakfast. Then A.Chik and C.Bi sponsored lunch. Me and my sisters all pitch in to help even though there was a slight crisis ehehehehehe (alia ;) ).
This whole day we just ate, ate and ate nonstop.
We had a wealth of foods: during lunch we had variety of fresh water fish cooked in multiple styles, squid, ulam and of course, budu. During the evening we had ABC (I think me and my cousins should never open a ABC stall or all hell would break loose heheh), chicken, nuggets, fries and cake because it was Yayang's birthday.
During all this time, the singing and dancing session just went on with laughter and merriment. I even did a waltz (well, kinda) with A.Ngah hehe.
That night we had a dinner reception at Renaissance Hotel with the theme "Lagenda Melayu". Everyone was so sporting and joined into the spirit of togetherness by really committing to the theme. Some even rented their songket clothes complete with tengkolok and all, bought fake swords and even used the keris awarded as a trophy as an accessory. Some had their hair done with golden pins and so much more.
During the dinner, I acted in a pantomime organized by A.Im. This is another surprise as I never did these things before. But walawehh..I am just quiet, that don't mean I'm not up to it ;)
Maybe, just maybe I was involved in the play because I danced like crazy the night before and they 'discovered' that I am not that serious? Haha, maybe, just maybe ;)

6th June 2009
This day is the majlis sambut menantu at A.Bad's (the groom) house.
It was so hot! I was thankful for the icy cool syrup they served there.
After that me and my family went to Wakaf Che Yeh to search for keropok ikan emas Lili wanted to buy for her boss. But it was in vain as we were too early and people haven't started selling yet. Then we went to Pasar Siti Khadijah to search for it. We ended up with a bag full of keropok.
That night we went to Kg Sireh again, just to pass our time. A.Chik and C.Bi bought some durians and we all ate pulut durian :)
Originally me and my cousins (mak n pak sedara sebenarnye..but what is the term in english?? Lagipun dengar mcm tua, padahal sebaya je haha) wanted to go to PCB but everyone was just so tired and we didn't get to complete Projek 36. Maybe next time guys!

7th June 2009
This is the trip back to KL. But we really took it easy plus, there were so many cars. We stopped awhile at Manik Urai before commencing our trip. We arrived at home approx. @ 3.00 am.
That's why I am sooooo sleepy now and wasting my time writing this very long post. I can't function to do labwork. Plus, supervisor is not in..heheh ;)
Tp esok, masaklah.... have to tune my brain because....

15th June 2009 -----> deadline!!!! arrggghhhhhh!

p/s: maybe kalau rajin I'll post the pics ok?