Whether you call my heart affectionate, or you call it womanish: I confess, that to my misfortune, it is soft.
~Ovid (BC 43-AD 18) Roman poet.
Yesterday I watched Twilight. With all the talk going on and constant mention by Aini, it's impossible to hold off from it. The movie was ordinary but I think that to truly understand the story we have to see it from the author's narrative: that is by reading the book. But I'm thinking that if I were to read it, I'd start wishing again. I never even finished Ayat-ayat Cinta because of the same reason. The book is there, I do want to read it, but I don't think I can take it. So I'd settle with the movie, for now. Even just by watching the movie I was moved by the character Edward Cullen (Aini, I totally get it now why you're so in love with him! I am too! haha), so by reading the book I know I'd fall for a fictitious character. I don't know why gazillion other girls fall for Edward, but for me it's because of the fact that he actually wants to be with Bella with such intensity in a way that seem to me not degrading himself as a guy. It is as if he is truly sincere. He actually wants to hear her stories, being genuinely interested and caring. Loving her in the only way he knows how: Vampire-style :p . . . Haha, I think I'd stop now. This is getting ridiculous ;)
p/s: I have a sudden urge to go to the beach, even if I know the monsoon season is ongoing now. I like staring out the horizon, seeing the waves come to the sand to break into tiny white bubbles. The end nowhere in sight and possibilities are endless. By the ocean, worries float away as time stood still. Hopes and prayers are sent above to set the heart free from the ties of the world that hold it down. Yes, I miss the ocean.
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ [1 In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ [2Have We not opened for thee thy bosom,
وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ [3 And removed from thee thy burden
الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ [4 Which had well nigh broken thy back,
وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ 5] And We exalted thy name?
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا 6] Surely there is ease after hardship.
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا 7] Aye, surely there is ease after hardship.
فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ [8 So when thou art free, strive hard,
وَإِلَى رَبِّكَ فَارْغَبْ [9 And to thy Lord do thou attend whole-heartedly.
http://www.alquran-karim.com/alInshirah.html
Since as long as I can remember, I've prayed for strength and guidance. Berdoa untuk kekuatan dan jalan keluar. I don't know if I am any stronger but every time life dealts me a blow, I always find myself praying for more strength.
Life often brings me to my knees, but that is a perfect position for prayer isn't it?
If you have time to read this, then I want to share figments of my life to date. Bear with me ya...
Currently I am so busy with my project that I find it difficult to breathe sometimes. Last week I went to Kota Bharu for patient blood sampling. I went on Tuesday morning and back in Shah Alam on Friday morning (intially I wanted to skip lab but then I had to attend a meeting..so to the lab I went). The weekends were spent in the lab, struggling to meet deadlines and expectations. Even today is spent in the lab. Plus tonight I'm going to Kota Bharu and will arrive there in the wee hours of the morning. Then, I'd rush to my uncle's house to borrow his car. Then I'll go to HUSM to coordinate patient blood sampling in the clinic. Tomorrow I'd go through the case files and mark those who are eligible for the study and the day after is the actual sampling time. Wednesday night I'll be heading back to Shah Alam and again will arrive in the wee hours in the morning. After a bath and some breakfast I'm planning to go to the lab and do some labwork and also to store the samples collected. This is not the only things I have to do as I have to think about fine tuning my research project to accommodate the current situation and also to take into account the clinician's views. I have to catch up in my reading and writing! I've been stalling this bit for quite a while but I know I can't any longer because my stupidity shows now, especially when dealing with the clinician.
My sis asked me, "Kak Lisa tak penat ke?" My reply, " Mana ade, Kak Lisa kan Bionic woman" hehehe :p
I think this is a hectic life, life in the fast lane; even if I'm dead broke. I can get through this because I have extraordinary support from every corner. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful family and friends, but I'm trying not to push my luck too much haha.
But it's good focusing on work like this, I don't have time to think about other things bugging my mind and tugging at my heart. Just work, work, work. But why not? The only rest is when we die. Until that time finally comes, I'm determined to make this all worthwhile.
Sometimes I am disillusioned: I somehow still think that my blog is not of interest to anyone but a few. However, due to the recent enlightenment on cybersecurity I made the decision of screening the contents of my life and thoughts that I dump in here. Actually I think of this blog as an outlet to dump all the trash messing my mind. So, in a moment of indiscretion I could potentially put me and the ones around me in danger. Such is the power of the written word: it could be twisted and viewed in multiple perspectives to achieve a purpose. So, the result is a sister blog here. What is most unique and appealing about blogging at wordpress.com is that I can password-protect selected posts. So, whenever I have potentially damaging things to say about the world around me, I can password protect it! ;) And I also uploaded all the things I wrote since I was first introduced to the blogging world. I never thought that it has been a long time: I've been blogging for 4 years now! (yes, compared to others I am relatively new. but still, I never thought it's been 4 years already :p). I think that I will not abandon this one just yet as I haven't get used to the features and I'm still trying to navigate my way through wordpress. So that is all: a creation of another blog. What will happen next? Change is the only constant ;)
Yes, we got to face it: in this world, no one comes out alive. Once we've established that fact and everyone understands the impact of it, we'll move on to the next stage: what we're doing with the time we've been given here?
So if your life flashed before you What would you wish you would've done?
Don't kid yourself that you have so much time, you can't see how many stones of sand are left in your hourglass. Each second, without fail: we're getting older and closer to dying. It's such a waste for us to just wither out and die, we have so much potential! We can learn everything, we can do anything as long as the heart agrees and the body is able. I've long believed that the world is such a big place to be stuck in one corner. Wherever we go, whatever we do: God will provide, so why the hesitation? I've never lost the hope that someday I'll be able to tick off some items on my list. For me, the thing withholding me the most is the unavailability of money to squander on my dreamed adventures and the fact that I am such a coward to go at it alone. So friends, jom? We'll overpower the ones that doubt us by our infallible belief that we can do it haha. Some of the things on my bucket list (yes, very much like the movie but they did it when they're so old, I was hoping that I won't kick the bucket just yet :p)
To handle any machine that flies, with me in it. I've been contemplating to take flying lessons, I don't really care if it's a helicopter or a plane: as long as it flies. Hey, even a hot air balloon is ok :D
To play paintball. I've been jealous of the many people who had played. Seriously it'd be liberating to kill someone even with colorful balls of paint haha
To ride a go-kart and hopefully a F1 car too. I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid and I can still feel the rush in my dreams as I tackle the bend of the road. Gile hensem! haha
To learn diving and have a diver's license. I got this chance when I was in uni but the fee then was out of my means. My ptptn is only for fees only, so xleh la berfoya-foya sangat :P. The closest I get to seeing the fishes up close is when I went snorkelling once in Pangkor. That was truly a dream vacation..
To go to Japan, Egypt, Greece and Korea. My friend once told me that the pyramids in Egypt and the Nile aren't all that they are so hyped to be but still, I want to go there! haha
So those are some of the top things in my list. I need some friend who'll go with me! Jom laaaa...we'll do some of the things in your list too ok? I promise ;)
Ok getting back to the song, I'm interested with this phrase:
And if your plane fell out of the skies Who would you call with your last goodbyes Should be so careful who we live out our lives So when we long for absolution There'll no one on the line
It is good advice not to burn bridges. You'll never know when you have to cross the same river again. So in this life, try to be good to everyone and don't cut the ties until there's no hope of getting back again. What if in the future we have to ask for something from that person again? So forgive, but never forget. However, don't keep those who bog you down. God did not create you so you'll crawl through life. Just play your cards right: you don't have to have everyone like you but you don't need haters either. It's a delicate balance: I'm still working on it myself.
Another thing is to keep your regrets at a minimum, because when you suddenly see yourself at the end of the line you don't really have much time to redo or undo your conduct in life. When you gotta go, then you gotta go. You think the angel of death would stall his schedule just so that you can do that one little thing? Death is happening everywhere so you must understand how busy he is. So spare yourself the trouble and do things while you still can.
Say you love someone even when it hurts and give forgiveness to the ones that hurt you. Give praise when it's due and criticize only when it helps. Be the one who build and not the the one who break. These you do so that you'll be the one to smile and not the one who cries.
p/s: I hope I'm not too thick-headed to take my own advice. C'mon, life don't begin at any number, rather it begins when you want it to :)
As they say, we can't predict the future. So I'll hold on, with unfaltering hope that there's something very funny about this when we look back into our lives. Hey, the past can't be undone so let it be. It's the future we must be concerned about. So what if we have to deal with this thing now, life would be just black and white otherwise. One thing's for sure, I am NOT alone in this decision. You'd be surprised to know how much time I've spent contemplating, asking around and praying for a change. In conclusion, I feel that I have to better myself to get a better person in my life. Or, most likely this is just a way for reminding me of how much I've led astray from Him. I believe that He is never cruel, so I would not be the one unappreciative of all the things He has let happen in my life. In this life test, even though there's no chance to come out alive I sure do hope I'd get out of it with flying colors ;)
You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat me? ~Adhemar, A Knight's Tale
Why is the fact that I am doing my PhD a sensitive issue for some people?
"Untuk menghebatkan diri lagi la tu, smpai x endah tuntutan agama" ==> seriously, how stupid can you get to let these words come out your mouth? Is your faith in the destiny of every people as being controlled by the will of God is so flimsy that you have the gall to assume that the fact that I am single is actually a choice for me not to settle down?
I pity you.
Your belief in qada' and qadar is non existent. Who in the world does not want to settle down?
Seriously, you being born into this world is not for getting married and reproduce only. You should make more use of yourself instead of wasting your time talking about other people. At least I am trying to make a mark on this world and I detest you for not trying the same thing. It is not my fault that guys nowadays don't quite reach the mark.
"jangan pegi tinggi sangat, nanti takde sapa berani"
Oh, so I have to stop now? What about the fate of our people, of our beliefs if all that is left to stand up to the challenges of the world is weak and have no knowledge? Sorry, but I can't stop even if I want to (which I don't). They would have to catch up.
But wait, do you know what my standards are? Please do not talk of things you don't know, it'll just show off your stupidity even though you talk as if it's the most intelligent thing in the world. That is something for me to know and for you to shut the hell up.
Excuse the ego, but I AM fabulous, amazing, intelligent and incredibly cute. Just deal with it ok?
When you're in my face, I'm allowed to take a stand. So step aside, you're in my way.
