“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
I mistrust myself to act accordingly in a distrustful environment. It's like you're waging a defensive war against a force that would pounce on you on any time that you miss a step. Take one step forward, but then two steps back. Ever watchful of your back. Glance to the right, you see people whispering and you feel unsafe. A glance to the left, you see people smiling and you feel suspicious. What the hell is going on? All you trust is yourself, but it's lonely at the top. But the silence keeps secrets. That is what's important.
Sometimes the things that play in my head are hard to put into words. Speech is also not an option as it fails me more than written letters ever do. . . . So I sit in silence, in hope that by a miracle, mutual understanding is found and your truth is the same as my truth..whichever one is the better.
Lyrics | Alanis Morissette lyrics - One Hand In My Pocket lyrics I'm tired like a dead fish. Hehe, nevertheless I'm happy because it's 2010, people! hahaha I'm happy because I like a major change now and then. I like it when things start to feeling stagnant and stuffy, suddenly a big wave of change come and wash it all away and I have ample room to start all over again. Like the Japanese in the novel Shogun by James Clavell: they build paper houses because the ground they live on is always catastrophically destroyed by earthquakes. So everytime it shakes and bring them to the ground, they always build their houses again with patience and a silent understanding, a new home have to be built after the old one has gone. It is just something that has to happen, so just embrace it ;) Looking back at 2009, it certainly have its own flavor and it leaves a bittersweet aftertaste. Overall, the past year has been the most challenging in my career path and also financially. However, it's been a very good year for family related matters even if it stinks in my personal love life. As far as personal development goes, I think I've grown as a person. For instance: I'm more in control of my rebellious streak even though it put me in fire sometimes. Especially in lab meetings :p I'm more cool headed and surprisingly decisive.I've just found this one out during HKWCJ 12:I've never had so many people shouting and screaming at me at the same time until their faces turn red and I can almost see smoke rising from their noses and ears. But it's part and parcel of being the Games committee, you know protests are inevitable. You just got to hold your ground, believe in yourself and make sure your team is in full support of you. That is of the essence and actually I couldn't believe we managed to pull through ;) Tawakal is important. As Alanis quite aptly said:
What it all boils down to is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've had moments when I feel most alone in the world, the most poor, the most wrecked. But hey, I know it's always just a phase and those kind of things don't last. Things have a way of working out to be the best in the end. Life ain't like the movies and it would not leave you hanging. All things will end, we just have to believe that the beginning of something else is coming right after that. So, the most important thing to remember is to put a big smile on you face and say, Hello 2010! :)
