"Dont make someone a priority when they make you an option"

How do you feel when somebody you don't have any problems with suddenly starts acting weird, avoiding eye contact at all cost and ultimately avoiding YOU. The sad thing is, you don't even know why. The person much rather call you than talking face to face even though the distance is not far..and that only as a last resort when nobody else is available.

Firstly, you tried to ignore and push it to the end of your mind, hoping to erase it from your memory database entirely by convincing yourself that it is nothing. But unknowingly to you, the hurt stays and spreads like a tumor that burdened and weakened your heart. You start asking dangerous questions like:
"Am I too repulsive to even look at?"
"Did I do something wrong unknowingly?"
"Why is this happening so suddenly?"
"Why does these things always happen to me?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
WHY?

Then, when you fail to answer these dead end questions, confusion turns to anger. Angry at the person for treating you this way when all the time your intentions are good. Angry at yourself for feeling hurt when that person does not know or refuse to acknowledge your hurt. Exasperated at yourself for failing to ignore the situation as effectively as the other person.

The whole thing is a whole new messed up situation. One day you helped the person suddenly the next day the person acts as if you're nobody.

Yes, I am hurt. Every time i remember it, it is like a deep slicing of a knife.

This is not a desire to be the only one that the person could ask for help, but the way that the person treated me is not the way to treat a person. It is not fair to suddenly exclude a person after the person has helped you. This is a perfect example for the Malay peribahasa "Habis madu, sepah dibuang". I know I should just let it be and move on because it is a small thing, it is nothing. But if I feel hurt, then it surely must be something?

Why can't I just go on with my life? Please, PLEASE go away and do not mess with my already messed up self. I have enough troubles without you adding to it all.

Slm
Just a quick post before i commence to my labwork..

Anyone in a state of SEEKING can never be happy. Only those who are constantly FINDING are fulfilled. And finding is not something that happens to us- it is something we DO.
Alan Cohen

Looking at the things that happen to me, I discovered that even after 24 years of living in this world, the simple lessons in life still surprise me. I'm still learning and my tutors are the people around me young and old. It seems that pearls of wisdom does not always come from the old and supposedly wise. Everything and everyone in life has something to teach you, it is only a matter of whether you realize it or not.
So instead of seeking happiness, make it a point to find happiness. Be happy and proud of the little achievements and luxuries that you have the fortune to experience. Be thankful and happy for the little things of life like having a tasty breakfast or seeing the sun rise or having great friends. Instead of seeking answers, find answers. Sometimes the things that are right in front of us are those that we fail to see. People are always sacrificing one thing in hope to get the other. But while you are striving to be better or get better things, do not forget to be thankful with what you have or had. You are given a chance. Don't waste it. Taste and savor each moment of your life and work hard. Only when you are tired will you know the simple pleasures of rest. Only when you are sad you long to be happy. Only when you are sick you remember how it was when you were healthy.
I think that as we continue to the end of our life, some things become clearer, some things become more incomprehensible, some things get embedded in our minds and some things are just forgotten. But sometimes it is best to let go. Let go, let it be, leave it to the Almighty and move on with the lesson engraved on your heart and mind. Like the lyrics of the song The Great Escape from Boys Like Girls :

All of the wasted time
The hours that were left behind
The answers that we'll never find
They don't mean a thing tonight

So just remember that sometimes the big things don't matter. It is just a part of a bigger plan. So long as you've done your best and gave all you can, then be heartened that there is nothing more that you could do.

Words from my dearest friend Fizah:

Sekiranya engkau tidak pernah tersungkur dalam cinta dunia,
Maka bersyukurlah kerana engkau antara insan yang terpilih untuk menyintainya dengan sebenar- benar cinta...
Bersabarlah,
Moga suatu hari nanti milikmu adalah pecinta sepertimu...