Bloodlust

Yesterday I watched the movie Untraceable (2008).

The tagline:
A cyber killer has finally found the perfect accomplice: You

Plot summary:
A secret service agent, Jennifer Marsh, gets caught in a very personal and deadly cat-and-mouse game with a serial killer who knows that people (being what they are - both curious and drawn to the dark side of things) will log onto an "untraceable" website where he conducts violent and painful murders LIVE on the net. The more people who log on and enter the website, the quicker and more violently the victim dies. IMDB

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Would you say that humans have a natural hunger for blood?

It is clear throughout history.
Could you justify the Roman culture of live killings and fighting of slaves and gladiators in the arena?
It is nothing but bloodlust.
Maybe then you'll tell me, "c'mon loosen up. Diorang tu jahiliah"

OooOoo...jahiliah.

Then what is the purpose of action movies and thrillers like this one?
If the killings are somehow "soft" remarks like, " ala, tak real la..", "fake", "an insult to my intelligence" are inevitable.
People want to see blood spurting everywhere, pieces of brain matter thrown here and there, massive lethal explosions and death, death, death.

Why people stop and look at road accidents but not many try to help?
Why people discuss other people's affairs, judging them and subjecting them to public scrutiny as if the people they're discussing are not human?
People tell me it is curiosity.
People tell me it is ok if it is for a lesson for us (teladan).
People tell me it is not mengumpat.

But what if it is just that?
What if it is more?
What if the things we discuss with little knowledge that we have made the discussion contaminated by baseless accusations, fitnah?
Jangan perkatakan sesuatu yang kamu tiada pengetahuan tentangnya.
I know that this reads dangerously as being a defense of the killer, but it is not that. I merely seek to understand myself and then proceed to understand others. This trait of humanity got me thinking: Are our basic instincts animalistic?

Like in the movie: even when told that as the number of viewers of that site increases the more violent the tortures would be and the quicker the victim dies, the public still log in to see.

They rationalize their actions by saying that they just look at it for a while only and they did not mean any harm. After all, it is not like they're the actual killer.

The public mob. Who can satisfy them?
They disassociate themselves from any responsibility of the outcome of their cumulative actions.

The killer was pushed to the edge because the public took advantage of his father's suicide by filming it live, broadcasting it in the news and discussing (giving opinions on about the suicide even though the people giving their opinions don't even know his father) the suicide as if his father is not a person, but a subject in the news.
The killer was actually trying to prove a point (that the public is insatiable for the suffering of others), as well as wreak vengeance on those he felt had exploited his father's tragedy. IMDB

I think he has a right to prove his point but his methods are questionable. But hey, he is a nutcase. He can't tell between right, wrong and the blurry lines that separates both.

What's our excuse?

Light comes after the darkest dawn

This is an email I got from a friend. It touched my heart and I hope it would touch yours too...
However, if any of you discover any discrepancies or any mistakes that could be corrected, please inform me about it.
May Allah protect me and you from all that is wrong and lead us to the light.

An old man's joy
IBN Jarir At-Tabari (d. 310H) narrates:

I was in Makkah during the season of Haj and I saw a man from Khurasan calling out to the people, "Pilgrims, people of Makkah, I have lost a pouch that contains a thousand dinars. So whoever returns the pouch will be rewarded by Allah with good and saved from the Hellfire, and His bounty and favors will be acquired on the Day of Accounting."

An old man from the people of Makkah approached him and said, "Khurasani, our city is in very tough condition, and the days of Haj are few, and its season is appointed, and the doors of profit-making are closed. This money might fall into the hands of a believer who is poor and old in age. Maybe he plans to give it back if you promise that you will give him a little bit of money that is Halal (permissible) for him to use."

The Khurasani asked, "How much does he want?"

"He wants one-tenth of the money."

The Khurasani replied, "No, I will not grant him the money. Instead I will take my case to Allah and complain to Him on the day we meet Him, and Allah is sufficient for us and the best one to trust in."

I realized that it was the old man who was poor, and he was the one who had taken the pouch of dinars and wished to have a little portion of it. So I followed him until he returned to his home. My assumptions were confirmed. I heard him calling onto his wife, "Lubabah!"

She said, "I am at your service, Abu Ghayth."

The old man said, "I found the owner of the dinars calling for it, and he does not intend to give any reward to the person who finds it. I said to him, 'Give us a hundred dinars,' and he refused and said he would take his case to Allah. What should I do, Lubabah? I must return it, for I fear my Lord and I fear that my sin is multiplied."

The wife replied, "Oh man! We have been struggling and suffering from poverty with you for the last 50 years, and you have four daughters, two sisters, my mother and me, and you are the ninth. Keep all the money and feed us, for we are hungry, and clothe us, for you know better our situation. Perhaps Allah the Almighty will make you rich afterwards and you might be able to give the money back after you have fed your children, or Allah will pay the amount you owe on the day when the kingdom will belong to the King (Allah)."

The old exclaimed, "Will I consume Haraam (unlawful) after 86 years of my life, and burn my organs with fire after I have been patient with my poverty, and become worthy of Allah's anger, even though I am close to my grave? No, by Allah, I will not do so!"

I left amazed at his condition and that of his wife.

Later I heard the owner of the pouch calling out again, and the old man repeated his advise. This time he asked for 10 dinars instead of a hundred.

The Khurasani refused.

The people dispersed and left. Later, once again, the Khurasani made the same call.

The old man came again and said, "Khurasani, I said to you the day before yesterday to reward the finder a hundred dinars and you refused. Then I advised you to give him ten dinars and you refused. So will you give only one dinar so that he can buy with half of it things he needs and with the other half sheep's milk so that he can give to the people and feed his children?"

The Khurasani again refused.

The old man said angrily, "Come and take your money so that I can sleep at night, for I have not been in a good mood ever since I found this money."

So the old man went with the owner of the money and I followed them until the old man entered his house, dug a hole, and pulled out the money and said, "Take your money and ask Allah to forgive me and bless me from His bounty."

The Khurasani then said, "Old man, my father died — may Allah have mercy on him — and left behind three thousand dinars and said to me, 'Take out a third of this money and give it to a person from the people who is most deserving of it.'

By Allah, I have not seen a person since I left Khurasan until now, who is more worthy of it than you. So take it, may Allah's blessing be upon you, and may He reward you for the trust you kept and your patience during poverty."

The Khurasani man left without the money.

The old man wept and prayed, "May Allah bless the owner of the money in his grave, and may Allah bless his son."

I left after the Khurasani but Abu Ghayth, the old man, brought me back. He said, "I have seen you following me since the first day; you have come to know of our situation yesterday and today. So this is a gift from Allah to all those attending."

The old man called his daughters, his sisters, and his wife and her mother, and sat down and made me sit down. We were 10. The old man gave out the dinars one by one in order until he reached me and said, "Here is a dinar." The process continued until the bag was empty and I received a hundred dinars.

So joy filled my heart because of the provision they received, more than the joy I had because I received a hundred dinars.

When I was leaving the old man said, "Young man, you are blessed. Keep this money with you, for it is Halal. And know that I used to wake up for Fajr Prayer with this wet shirt. After I was done I would take it off and give it to my daughters so that they could pray, one by one. Then I would go to work between Zuhr Prayer and Asr Prayer and then I would come back at the end of the day with what Allah has given me of dates and dry pieces of bread. Then I would take off my clothes for my daughters and they would pray Zhuhr and
`Asr, and the same would happen for the Maghrib and `Isha' Prayers. And we did not ever expect to see this kind of money. So may Allah make us make good use of them, and may Allah bless the person in his grave and multiply the reward for him."

So I told him goodbye and took the hundred dinars and used them to write knowledge for two years. I used it to buy paper and pay rent, and after 16 years I returned to Makkah and inquired about the old man. I was told that he had died a few months after the incident that occurred between us. His wife had died, along with her mother and his two sisters. The only ones that remained were the daughters, who, I found upon asking, were married to kings and princes. I dropped by and they honored me as a guest and treated me kindly until they died also. So May Allah bless them in their graves.

"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him..." *(Qur'an, 65:2-3).

Yearning to get away

Slm..
I noticed something about me that I never realized before..and I am unsure what it means to me as a person...

It's like this: If the actions/words or anything of another person hurt me, my family or my friends then I'll be prejudiced to react negatively to this person or anything associated to that person.

Basically, if I don't like you then anything you do, say or write would get the same treatment. I won't give it my time of day to even consider what's coming from you might be right or make sense. You could be forwarding me cute beneficial emails but I can't stand to read it. You might as well giving me a sermon but I would be suspicious of your intentions. All of it feels hypocritical.

But this only happens when I've given ample time to consider where that person stand. I try to hold a positive view of people: even when all around people say bad things, I stick around and see if it is true and only change my views whenever those things affect me personally. I don't jump to conclusion often, I consciously try to do this because this doesn't come natural to me [constant upgrading of self..huhuhu I am still sadly a beta version, far from complete]. I am, after all, a firm believer of second chances. Even third, fourth or fifth chance if that person deserve it. But anymore than that, sorry and goodbye because you're making a fool of me.

Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me

Does this mean that I am a tad emotional?
Maybe. Or this is just another emotional defense mechanism.

I think this is an unfavorable and potentially damaging trait to have. I stand to lose so much if I let misguided preconceptions lead the way I go through life.
Got to control this!
Leave it all to the Almighty because my small self can't handle it.
This thought alone gives me strength. I leave the matter to Allah as I don't want to think about it.

Right now, I want to finish my project ASAP so that I could get away from here.
Right now, I'm yearning to move on.