Hell on earth

You know when people say "Heaven is a place on earth" like in the Abba song?
Well, I don't know about heaven but I do know a place that could be a candidate for "Hell on earth". It is my lab.

Malap

---Jiwang Alert!---

Kubiarkan cahaya bintang memilikimu
Kubiarkan angin yang pucat dan tak habis-habisnya
Gelisah, tiba-tiba menjelma isyarat, merebutmu …
Entah kapan kau bisa kutangkap

~Sapardi Djoko Damono

15 tahun adalah sela masa yang terlalu lama.
Pasti ada yang telah berubah, namun pasti ada juga yang masih kekal.
Menunggu dalam gelap, merenung cahaya yang kian malap dan mungkin hilang bila-bila masa.
Andai waktu itu datang sebelum aku mampu bergerak dan mencari cahaya lain, aku pasti rebah dalam kegelapan.
Sebenarnya aku sekarang tidak lagi mendambakan cahaya itu menjadi semakin terang. Aku berasa cukup dengan mengingat keindahan yang pernah suatu masa menjadi milikku, walaupun hanya dalam angan- angan.
Aku inginkan cahaya lain sekarang. Cahaya yang lain. Pasti tidak akan sama, namun itulah yang terbaik. Yang dahulu biarkan berlalu.
Aku sebenarnya tidak tahan dalam kegelapan. Ya Allah, berikanlah aku cahaya.

Project title: LIFE

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night'
~Charles M. Schulz

What is the state of life I'm currently in?
Hmm...
I've always subject my actions and words to close scrutiny after end of each day. I'll evaluate and re-evaluate everything before going to bed each night.
Sometimes I don't even wait till the end of the day: I evaluate my actions and words right after the event. This means that I've always attempted to view my life with a helicopter-like perspective. To take a step back and be a stranger looking in a little window of my life.
Then, after I finish assessing my conduct, I'll move on to analyze and interpret the words and actions of others. Whether or not I agree with them, what are their motivations for saying/doing something, what are the reasons of their actions and how did I contribute to the situation. Ultimately, I use all of the information gathered after all the analysis to answer the question: What can I do to better myself?
I am not perfect, far from it. To be a perfect being, you need to experience everything. EVERYTHING. So in this short period of life that each of us is given, we can't have it all. It is impossible for a mere human to be perfect because all of us are certain to meet death.
So how?
I think the best that we can do is to be as perfect as humanly possible. We can take a leaf from someone else's book of life: learn their experiences, their mistakes, their strength, their successes, their story. Then, mirror that in your own life by picturing the possible pitfalls and the possible route to the top. However, don't forget to analyze yourself as well. If you're fooled once, thats OK coz you're a newbie. If you're fooled twice it's still ok coz maybe you're just careless. But thrice? Maybe you're bordering on stupid haha :p
You are, after all, the main subject matter in the experiment called "Your own Life". Don't fail the test!


...and this is definately going take more than one night.