3 wishes

As someone in Wonderland said to Alice, it's best to try to believe at least three impossible things before breakfast. The funny thing is once you let yourself believe them, they don't seem all that impossible to begin with. The first step is to let yourself believe that such benevolence is in store for you. So go ahead -- what are three wonderful, lovely and no-way-that-could-happen-to-me things that you want in your life?

This is my horoscope for today.
You got to admit, it's an interesting question right?
If I dare to list 3 wonderful, lovely and no-way-that-could-happen-to-me things that I want in my life, I will put:

- A fairytale love story only possible in books, but minus the evil magicians and trolls.
You know, if I could wish it then I'll choose the first meeting for me and my prince (oh, mcm geli pulak haha) would be what Eli Wallach said in The Holiday (2006):

Say a man and a woman both need something to sleep in and both go to the same men's pajama department. The man says to the salesman, "I just need bottoms," and the woman says, "I just need a top." They look at each other and that's the 'meet cute.'

Wahaha! That, I know is definitely a lovely and no-way-that-could-happen-to-me things that I want (yes, I am actually a hopeless romantic) :p

- A fully sponsored trip around the world with no strings attached
It's really tempting to just pack up and go anywhere you want with the ones you care about right? Just to go around seeing beautiful historical places like Greece or Paris or Venice (basically anywhere) with family and friends, followed by a delicious and extraordinary dinner at a fancy restaurant and then end the day at a mega expensive hotel in the presidential suite. I would savor every moment and take pictures of every detail so that when finally reality knocks on the door, there's a way to escape and reminisce the times past.

- Graduate within the next 5 months and then work at a fabulously posh office that has a big window with a beautiful view and of course, a salary that is more than RM5k!
I think it'll be heaven on earth if I could get this last wish. Enough said.

But hey, dreams and hopes are prayers our heart gives silently. So maybe, just a tiny definitely maybe, dreams can come true due to the relentless wanting of the heart :)

God vs science: the silly debate that's not easy to win

one of us - Joan Osborne

It makes me sad listening to this song.
The singer seem so... alone.
It's like a girl walking with a black umbrella under the night rain, just looking down. Her steps are quick, but just by looking at her you know there's something weighing heavy in her heart. No one cares, and she knows it as a hard truth because even though she's trudging along, it ain't easy being alone. In her mind, she's trying to make sense of it all. Looking around, everyone just looked ordinary, everything is so mediocre, everywhere there's injustice: there are no miracles.
So she's wondering, where is God?

Sometimes it is hard for some people to find God. I think it shouldn't be that hard. All that we have to do is open our hearts and minds and not let ourselves be tied down by small thinking because something so big can't be fit into something so small. Truth is; we are too weak and recognizing this would make us less arrogant of our beliefs that Man is supreme. We refuse to believe that we are indeed just a minuscule being, like an insignificant dust in the universe.

Try reading these:
Language of ignorance
If God could talk, what would he say?

All these stemmed from the book entitled The Language of God by renowned scientist Francis Collins. He is now a devout Christian. In his book, he tries to convince readers that there is indeed God and observances of life supports this.
The premise of his arguments are there, but not carried out convincing enough that people saw through the loopholes. He is a great scientist, so it's no problem for him to defend his science. But what about theology? It's a whole different playing field.
People must only talk about what they know because dumbness shows in ways you cannot imagine. That's what I think anyway.
There is no doubt for me that there is a God. The evidence are too clear. There are too many coincidences that defy logic so that I can come to the conclusion that there is a God that presides over everything. However, consciousness is not easy to be articulated. When confronted, how can I defend my stand? Can you defend your stand, whatever it might be?
What is playing in my mind is what do we do when the time comes when Islam is faced with such crass rationality and blatant resistance to reasoning? We are cursed with secularism, a direct implication of our inability to relate science with religion. Yes, it is our inability. The association is too much for us to handle so, to make it easier to understand we made the stupid decision to separate them both and put it against one another. Now, the scientist are all busy with their science while the pious people are busy with their religion, each ignoring the existence of the other and waiting for the final confrontation between science and religion.
Tell me, when that time comes, would we be ready?

Numbed

I wake up everyday with new hope, re-energized and ready to start the day. Every morning brings optimism and a feeling that, "Yes, today I can conquer the world".
After a while, realization dawned.
Life is not a bed of roses, but it's not a pile of shit either.
It's how you go around it.
So I go to work, not caring of the slight traffic because that way I'll hear more songs on the radio (the short drive from my rented room to UiTM is only 5 minutes away, 10 minutes if the traffic have already build up).
But when arriving at the workplace and see the face behind closed doors, dread overpowers the mind. That is when all the alerts in your head starts going off like crazy and the heart starts its uneven beating. In my head, "Who's next?" while tiptoeing to my desk.
Optimism is suddenly down to only 70% but it's still ok, just as long that I keep watching my back and prevent myself from stepping on a landmine. Proceed work as always.
Then, someone came and it bursts my bubble again because in my head, "alaahhhh..." Optimism is not affected but then, the heart feels heavier, like an increase of 30%.
Oh, man.
Then comes the next thing that fills me with dread: checking my email.
If nothing, then Ok. But if there's something...better not go there. Just describing it feels scary.
.
.
.
I envy my friend down at level 6. She's brilliant under pressure. Whenever stressed, it compels her to go higher, go deeper, go beyond than what is expected of her.
Am I unwilling to go the extra mile? Unwilling to carry out the sacrifices demanded by the circumstances?
Sometimes I think all of it are just products of a crazy and irrational moment that would pass (I hope). The way I'm living now is silly, I don't really like it. We are not living in times of war, but God, it feels so. We are not POW, but somehow we're conquered.
Sincerity is of utmost importance in all things we get ourselves involved in. I place high importance in the philosophy of work done. So for me when there's no sincerity, there's no way I can veil my heart so that it'll not realize the hypocrisy of it all. The people around me all said that I should only do something for the right reasons and not because someone demand you to, not because complying would placate them and not rekindle their fiery wrath. Do it because it is your responsibility, because it is your own qualification that you're busting your ass for.
I have to take this advice and rewire my mind.
Why?
Because lying to oneself is a sin I don't plan on getting numb over.