Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future ~Oscar Wilde

Have you been to a store, and saw the shining apples?
It has the shade of the darkest red, plump and promise to be the most juicy, sweet and delicious apple you've tasted in all your years on this earth.
However, reaching into your pockets, you realize that you can never taste those apples as you don't have any money to pay for them, if you go on buying, there'll be hell to pay. As you contemplate whether it is worth it to buy those apples, you notice at the corner of your eye that someone else also noticed those apples. But unlike you, stuck in your hesitation, that someone just go and grab those apples and paid the necessary price to the fruit seller.
How your heart is crushed, wrenched by watching something slip by so easily. What's more, the apple buyer decides to rub it in by taking a bite in front of you. Oh, how you wish you can punch him.
As you stand there imagining various ways to get back at him for cutting in, a distant exclamation clawed through the haze of your discontentment, "Oh, those apples were not that sweet anyway" he said while leaving the store with a bag full of apples.
You just stare at him, disbelieving your own ears and your eyes follow him until he's out of sight.
.
.
.
I have a weird question. What if you're the apples?
Ha! Surely that never crossed your minds. You thought I wanted to talk about the slow decision maker that was left high and dry because he was too slow to take what he wanted?
Sorry, but I'm concerned more with them apples :p

OK, so once more: what if you're the apples?
Regaled as the most beautiful, the most sweet, the most revered. You are the embodiment of everything good, that you can do no wrong. That anyone who got your attention is surely a lucky fool.
But then, suddenly you slip. It turns out that you, the living sunshine, also have your own darkness too.
How frustrated your worshipers would feel. How wretchedly rejected you would feel.
But all along, you were just being an ordinary apple. It was not you yourself who put you on a pedestal.
Is it your fault?
You have tried your best, to be all that you can be. Always searching for ways to better yourself, to inch nearer to visions of perfection. Isn't that what all of us should do? None of us is born perfect, all are tainted. What we have to do is try to cleanse ourselves, striving to be better. So it shouldn't be that big a surprise that humans are no angels.
For me, I think the burden of being a beautiful apple is too much to bear. I'd rather be an ordinary banana (bad joke, I know :p). I am just an ordinary human, trying very hard to make something out of myself. So don't be so frustrated that I don't live up to your expectations. Living to mine is hard enough.
So let's just accept the reality of our imperfections and try to complement each other in living this life. Maybe we'll fare better in the end by being together ;)

* I'm writing this in response to an old friend that said to me, "Kau berselindung disebalik lurus". I feel like it's a serious accusation, as if I am hypocritical in leading my life. It is true that I search for space to better myself but I've never hid behind a facade. What you see is what you get. No more, no less.

Say it simply. We cannot love and be limited

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same mind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear.
~George Eliot

Love= Overrated

*WARNING! Post jiwang merepek!*

Batu

batu mawar
batu langit
batu duka
batu rindu
batu jarum
batu bisu
kaukah itu
teka teki yang tak menepati janji?

Dengan seribu gunung langit tak runtuh
Dengan seribu perawan hati tak jatuh
Dengan seribu sibuk sepi tak mati
Dengan seribu beringin ingin tak teduh.
Dengan siapa aku mengeluh?
Mengapa jam harus berdenyut sedang darah tak sampai
Mengapa gunung harus meletus sedang langit tak sampai
Mengapa peluk diketatkan sedang hati tak sampai
Mengapa tangan melambai sedang lambai tak sampai.
Kau tahu?

batu risau
batu pukau
batu Kau-ku
batu sepi
batu ngilu
batu bisu
kaukah itu teka teki yang tak menepati janji?

~ Sutardji Calzoum Bachri

It's hard because you can never choose the one you love. Love is not a thing, nor a given right. It is to me a gift bestowed by the Almighty as a means for us to fill the void so stark in our hearts. We are all empty. That is why we search everywhere to fill the nothingness.
As it is a gift, not everyone gets it. It could be given to both at the same time: that's love at first sight. It could be given to one first and then after some time the other person gets it. But it could also be given to you, but never to the other person. Of the reason behind that, we can never question. No use trying to figure out things like that.
In the poem, it reads like an injustice that a love given freely is not reciprocated. Yes, it is puzzling that a love so strong could not be felt by the other. Like screaming to deaf ears. They don't hear you.
You keep on asking why, knowing full well there is no answer. The gift of feeling love is given to you alone, don't that make you special in a hurtful kind of way? But special nonetheless. But if we know our place isn't to question, we'll eventually move on.
Don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by love. It is the riddle everyone trying to figure out since forever and it is also seem to be the answer to everything in this life. But is it?
Sometimes I think it is overrated. Yes, it is a grand mystery but love is not all there is to it. In addition to love, there's faith, hope, responsibility, loyalty, admiration, obsession. Each of these could not be a substitute for another, but not one is greater or less than the other.
Now, I feel like I need a break from "love". Maybe, for me unrequited love is love incomplete. Thus, it must be avoided.
How about we concentrate on the other emotions for a change? We have to cheer up the lost lovers, trapped in a one-way love. Tell them that there's more, so much more out there. Maybe not as sweet, but sweet nonetheless.