A rainbow glints through the rain

An actual picture taken of the road that lead to the end of the rainbow. If you look closely, there is not one but two rainbows! I wonder, would there be extra bags of gold there? Whatever waits for us at the end, at least we know a good place to start ;)

26th January passed and I am now 27!

Whoa.

I remember that when I was a little girl, I thought 18 is already an adult and I can never picture myself being more than 25. But now here I am, already hitting 27.

This year's birthday is very special. From the moment the clock struck 12 and 26th Jan comes, it was special. My sis made a beautiful card, all my family members wrote wonderful messages on it, we had pizza and also lots and lots of ice cream! (the ice cream is of course my birthday "cake", because our family don't really love cake as much as we love ice cream haha).

I received many well wishers who sent smses and messages on facebook, heard many renditions of the good ol' birthday song (I even got versions in Dangdut and also Indian tempo version) and my dear labmates even arranged for a surprise birthday cake!

All these made me feel...dare I say it? All of these made me feel...loved (ah, I said it!).

It has been kinda challenging lately and i feel it was a gift that the day turn out to be so special.

And it was the greatest feeling in the world :)

You're never gonna be alone from this moment on

As contrary as what you may believe, words for me are hard to come by. Especially spoken words. I like to think I'm better at expressing my thoughts and feelings in writing but it is still not enough. An air of mystery that sometime shrouds these words are not entirely by choice.

I am now at home, I'm not feeling very well so I excused myself from the lab today. There is actually a mischievously restful feeling when you're at home while everybody else has to go to work (haha, sorry, can't help it. I know some of you will be jealous that I'm escaping the Monday Blues for today). I'm essentially giving myself a break.

.

.

.

There is something in my heart and mind that I can't let go of. Like a cup filled to the brim, threatening to spill over. The past three days I haven't given my thesis the attention it needs. Only today I forced myself to write. But I've always been a firm believer of preparing the soul (or in this case stabilize my psyche to focus) before commencing work.

Just a little clue of what weighs in my heart is that my Ayah is not well. He has always been strong, even during these trying times. But I am afraid if I'm going to be a failure.

A snippet of a conversation I had the other day still ring in my ear, in more or less the same words:

"Dia selalu cakap tak tau sempat ke tak..."

"Sekurang-kurangnya kena hantar 1st draf la kan?"

"A'ah.."

...only with Allah strength can I go through all this and submit my 1st draft. Then it would somehow give him hope and with hope, comes strength. Sempat, insyaAllah. Sempat.

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Nickelback - Never Gonna Be Alone[Official Videoclip]
Uploaded by bRu7-eXeC. - Explore more music videos.

This song Never Gonna Be Alone from Nickelback feels so close to me. And the video makes me cry. But unlike the girl inside the video, I still have Ayah. And I still have my family with me. I am jealous of my time and I feel that every moment that is either not spent with them or spent on making my thesis a reality is like a thief that I want to strike for wasting my precious moments. Those two are tied, you see. I can only go on once I put all the burden of this thesis behind me.

As always,

La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billahil 'Aliyyil 'Adzim

Time relativity

A night full of talking that hurts,

my worst held-back secrets. Everything

has to do with loving and not loving.

This night will pass.

Then we have work to do.

~Rumi

The day will come when I hit 27.

Just around the corner, ever patient in waiting its turn.

Then the questions will come:

Bila nak habis blaja ni?

Bila nak ada bf?

Bila nak itu, bila nak ini.

Entah. Jawapan universal untuk semua soalan susah.

But, I am ever praying and waiting. You ask because for you it seems so long. Tell me, what do you think I feel?

To this,

I say La haula wala quwwata illa billah

... with a bright smile of course, because faith is illogical but powerful all at the same time :)

p/s: the pic above is the view from the old faculty in Shah Alam at dusk