Pantun nasib si pungguk

Dituai padi setiap petang,
  Namun tiada habis sebendang,

Kutunggu takdir tiada datang,
  Tiada kasih datang bertandang

Banyak sungguh buah berangan,

  Atas peti dibuat bekalan, 

Cinta yang segar dalam kenangan, 

  Pungguk ternanti rindukan bulan

Bulan menyapa pungguk tersedu,

  Enggang dan pipit tak terbang sama, 

Kasihan nasib pungguk merindu,

  Kerna kasihnya takkan bersama

Biarlah bulan disinggahsananya,

  Pungguk disini bersama nyonya, 

Sampai nanti bila ditanya, 

  Tak terkesan bulan dihatinya

Suram sinar mentari pagi, 

  Sinar menyeri setiap hari; 

Merajuk hati tak akan pergi, 

  Hati terguris terdiam sendiri

Harapkan emas rupanya suasa, 

  Cincin dibuang oleh si nyonya, 

Memang nasib perindu binasa,

  Bila harapan tidak padaNya.

~ nur_aqli, 2012

p/s:
Pergi ke pasar bersama Ani, 
  Barang dibeli penuh pedati, 
Niat dihati cuma berseni, 
  Tiada kaitan hidup dan mati ;)

Lumia: A lesson in love

I got myself a new phone. My old RM 75 phone is now functioning as an address book only.
That is the fate of a phone that won't function as a phone (I can't hear others speak).
It is actually not planned, I just got fed up with the old one and furthermore, I've fallen in love.
Since the first time I held Lumia in my hand, my heart just drops and I know that this is the one for me. I heard many things about Lumia: how it doesn't function when dialling *100# or that Windows phone is not as popular as the iPhone or Blackberry or Androids.
I considered those phones immensely. They have so many attributes that surpass Lumia but I don't know, I just can't seem to fall for them. Sure, they have the looks, the accessibility, the ease that comes with popularity (because many people use them so troubleshooting is a breeze). Lumia has nothing to show yet, because it is a wildcard. No one knows what to expect. A salesperson even said that because not many people opted for Lumia, it is risky business to go for it and I would certainly get the short end of the deal.
I considered all these, but I can't seem to get Lumia out of my mind.
In my head I make long decisions, contemplating and weighing everything. But the personality of my head is not the same with my heart. My heart makes decisions swiftly, if I truly want it then to hell with other things. If I don't really want it as much, then my heart doesn't care and just leave it to the head.
So now, the heart decides to say something: Lumia. And of course there were no contest.
I went to the salesperson and adamantly say that I want Lumia 710. At the end of the transaction, when they give me the phone, he even concedes that even if he sells the phone, he doesn't have an inkling on how to actually use it.
It is that unpopular.
But then again, what does popularity got to do with me? This is a chance to explore, to commit and to break through all of the barriers. This is what love cost you.

Now I am perfectly happy with my Lumia.
It does not have the ability to call *100#, it can't bluetooth, it can't send/ receive MMS.
Seriously disadvantageous for a 'smartphone'.
But still I made the decision to commit, knowing that there will be shortcomings.
Love does that to you it seems.

Maybe, just maybe love between two people is this way also? ;)

Irrationalization

ATTENTION: Love again. Bored with it? Go somewhere else.

The other day, I was thinking of how much I don't want to love that I asked my Ustazah,
"Akak, boleh tak kalau saya taknak rasa hendak? Saya taknak lansung rasa ingin tu"
Ustazah was about to answer, but then she got a call on her mobile.
Before answering that call she said,
"Tak boleh. Itu kan fitrah"

.
.
.
And I know she is right. I was just asking to know is there any other answer.
Mind you, I am not trying to deny nature, destiny and all that. All I want is to be free from this feeling of helplessness. It's making me feel like a needy person. Kan tak patut tu.

Entah.

At times when I feel so helpless and alone, I thought that if I need it this much, I must not deserve it. This is because I have unwittingly put it above the One love that is supposed to be, you know, One. Only when the love for Allah swt is above all else will we find true peace. Anything other than that is just a flimsy mirage.

Moreover, if I take a moment to not think about myself, I see so many people needing that kind of love so much more than me. At least I am not dying from it.
Some people are, you know. It's like the need eats them up inside. These are the people I pray will someday find someone to fill that void, because they look like they need it more than me.

So, does this mean that I don't really want to settle?

Entah.

At the end, my Ustazah said, "orang kata kita akan jumpa orang yang sama dengan kita"

This made me think that if "sama" means same and not 'serasi or sekufu" then it is again hard for me. I've always thought that if there were two people like me, the world would be upside down. Haha, perasan tak? Nevertheless, I do think I'm rare. That is what I always hear and easier to use for rationalization ;)