The slave

My head hurts and I feel as though a big leech has drained all the blood in me.
I've been going on non-stop on this dreary mountain climb. The skies are filled with dark blue and grey hues. The wind is whistling softly, barely giving relief.
I've exhausted all of my energy but the journey will not end anytime soon. The burden I carry, which at first was light now feels like a tonne. I still remember the first day I set out: I was the King of the world. I ran from North to the East, moonwalking from the South to the West.
But now, the road feels long, long...and unending.

They saw how I ran, so they thought they could put their weight on me. During the safety of midnight they would huddle together and whisper, "She could do it, far better than us. Give it to her."
And so they did. They were hesitant at first, but they got over the guilt.
They piled everything, then forgot about it. Vying for an empty spot, they'd grab it once they have a chance. I was blinded, so there was no way I could evade them. So my load became increasingly heavier, heavier. And theirs became increasingly lighter, lighter.
But,
Their voices became louder. They felt the invisible weight, as if it was still with them. They cried, "Our load is still breaking our backs. We can only sit still."
In the shadows, I laughed at their disillusion.
Seriously, is there a disease of invisible burden like the case of invisible limbs of amputees?
Did they not see whose back was broken?
Whose hands still bleed?
Don't they see me who lag behind them, carrying all that they piled on me?

In my eyes, they became like crazy people.
I'm the only sane one here, but my back is broken, my hands are still bleeding and I still walk behind.

So I'd wish for some of that insanity, to break free from reality for a while. But then I shook my head, shaking off those dirty thoughts off my mind. Let them be satisfied by their minimum effort to get by. Like someone swimming, always at the edge of the water and never attempting the depths. What a waste.

Resigned from what was restricted of me, I moved on. Leaving all their howlings behind.

Pantun nasib si pungguk

Dituai padi setiap petang,
  Namun tiada habis sebendang,

Kutunggu takdir tiada datang,
  Tiada kasih datang bertandang

Banyak sungguh buah berangan,

  Atas peti dibuat bekalan, 

Cinta yang segar dalam kenangan, 

  Pungguk ternanti rindukan bulan

Bulan menyapa pungguk tersedu,

  Enggang dan pipit tak terbang sama, 

Kasihan nasib pungguk merindu,

  Kerna kasihnya takkan bersama

Biarlah bulan disinggahsananya,

  Pungguk disini bersama nyonya, 

Sampai nanti bila ditanya, 

  Tak terkesan bulan dihatinya

Suram sinar mentari pagi, 

  Sinar menyeri setiap hari; 

Merajuk hati tak akan pergi, 

  Hati terguris terdiam sendiri

Harapkan emas rupanya suasa, 

  Cincin dibuang oleh si nyonya, 

Memang nasib perindu binasa,

  Bila harapan tidak padaNya.

~ nur_aqli, 2012

p/s:
Pergi ke pasar bersama Ani, 
  Barang dibeli penuh pedati, 
Niat dihati cuma berseni, 
  Tiada kaitan hidup dan mati ;)

Lumia: A lesson in love

I got myself a new phone. My old RM 75 phone is now functioning as an address book only.
That is the fate of a phone that won't function as a phone (I can't hear others speak).
It is actually not planned, I just got fed up with the old one and furthermore, I've fallen in love.
Since the first time I held Lumia in my hand, my heart just drops and I know that this is the one for me. I heard many things about Lumia: how it doesn't function when dialling *100# or that Windows phone is not as popular as the iPhone or Blackberry or Androids.
I considered those phones immensely. They have so many attributes that surpass Lumia but I don't know, I just can't seem to fall for them. Sure, they have the looks, the accessibility, the ease that comes with popularity (because many people use them so troubleshooting is a breeze). Lumia has nothing to show yet, because it is a wildcard. No one knows what to expect. A salesperson even said that because not many people opted for Lumia, it is risky business to go for it and I would certainly get the short end of the deal.
I considered all these, but I can't seem to get Lumia out of my mind.
In my head I make long decisions, contemplating and weighing everything. But the personality of my head is not the same with my heart. My heart makes decisions swiftly, if I truly want it then to hell with other things. If I don't really want it as much, then my heart doesn't care and just leave it to the head.
So now, the heart decides to say something: Lumia. And of course there were no contest.
I went to the salesperson and adamantly say that I want Lumia 710. At the end of the transaction, when they give me the phone, he even concedes that even if he sells the phone, he doesn't have an inkling on how to actually use it.
It is that unpopular.
But then again, what does popularity got to do with me? This is a chance to explore, to commit and to break through all of the barriers. This is what love cost you.

Now I am perfectly happy with my Lumia.
It does not have the ability to call *100#, it can't bluetooth, it can't send/ receive MMS.
Seriously disadvantageous for a 'smartphone'.
But still I made the decision to commit, knowing that there will be shortcomings.
Love does that to you it seems.

Maybe, just maybe love between two people is this way also? ;)