If it were that easy :p

I got this from an email ;)

New Delhi: In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for 'cheating' and causing him 'mental suffering'. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he's been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

"Where is the Axe effect? I've been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I'm sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I'd try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!" Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company's instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn't experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

"I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I'd always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I'd do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children's reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai." Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn't possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

"HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I'd suggest that the company settles this issue out of court." noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said .

C'mon...laugh with me
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :D
I just doubt this is a real story, but if it is then my belief in the infinite boundary of stupidity and false hope is strengthened.
But hey, they can sue for anything nowadays.
So advertisers out there, don't forget to put a disclaimer on all your products coz it may someday come and haunt you! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Almost doesn't count

*Warning! Post jiwang merepek! Keep out if you'll question my state of mind*

Today the air cond in the lab is not working and it's making my eyes heavy and threatening to close at any time. I really feel like a life-sized dumpling steamed in a giant steamer. If I am ever a dumpling, I want to be the pau-shaped plump yellow dumpling with little prawns in it. Ah, it's making me hungry already (Oh, let me be strong in going through this diet thing..huhuhu).

Last night me and my family stayed out late as relatives came by to our house to look at my sister's engagement preparations. Whole of yesterday and the day before we were all busy turning the house upside down to do spring cleaning. Award for the most dedicated person in cleaning goes to....drumroll....Lili! Yes, she is truly an Energizer bunny of cleaning, and it's hard to keep up with her ;)

After all the excitement calmed down in the wee hours of the morning, me and my aunt (but she is of the same age) lepak together and shared our stories. Naturally, given the setting, both of us reflected on our, erm, *cough* situation :p. I shared my weird story and she shared hers. Haha, btw, if u r reading this, thanks for last night, I needed to get that out of my chest :)

Then she posed a question: how do married couples know that they've found the ONE? She said that everyone she asked gave the same answer: if you found it, you just know.
Bah! I contest that, lansung x saintifik. That is indeed an abstract answer to a specific question. However, I know it's impossible to put in scientific terms something as irrational and magical as love.

But I wonder, is it possible to just know? How long is the probation period to get to know someone? And how, God help me, do we know that he is the ONE?
For the last question, it is common knowledge that not everybody's tale get a happy ending. So instead of the one, maybe there'll be a second or maybe even a third. So is there a possibility that the ONE does not exist, but only a false illusion that is akin to searching for the end of the rainbow?
Why not, instead of searching for the end of the rainbow you just enjoy the presence of the rainbow itself?
I believe that God is never cruel, He is The Just. So if things don't work out, maybe it's something you have to go through to prepare you for the more challenging days ahead. We will never know if that other person is meant for us only. What we can think about is whether that person is worth the fight? Is he worth the pain and cost to your soul? I don't know and it is puzzling to myself that I still hang around to see what happens. Well, they said that faith and hope are the most frail but hardest to kill of all emotions.
I don't know but think that we cannot keep on fighting or guessing what is the other person's attention. It is truly liberating to let go and trust that life in itself would flow as it is supposed to. It is exhausting to be on your guard always, always looking out your shoulder to exit at the first sign of rejection. When there is a desire to reach out, you fear that no one would be there. So you don't. Hey, two can play that game right? Even if in the game of love, someone threw away the instructions :P
It's a good thing that the heart is guarded, no one has touched it yet. You have to be sure first to bet a part of that on the line. Well, as they say, almost doesn't count.

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

~Adapted from Almost doesn't count by Brandy

So what now? I think I know my limits and I wonder how I got here. It breaks my heart to know that I am that gullible and naive. I have more urgent things in my list that I have to care of: my family and my PhD.
But maybe I'll continue on this game, just to see what'll happen next. Plus, it is a situation that no one I asked ever come across. So it's a valuable lesson to pick up along the stony path of life. Maybe it is something that I have to go through and pray for the best. I've read somewhere that doa adalah penolak takdir.
So how to change your destiny when you don't really know what's best for you?
My friend, just pray to ask for what's in your heart. I tell you, there's someone listening and would give it to you in ways you wouldn't understand or even want to. If you are near, then rest assured He'll be nearer ;)

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future ~Oscar Wilde

Have you been to a store, and saw the shining apples?
It has the shade of the darkest red, plump and promise to be the most juicy, sweet and delicious apple you've tasted in all your years on this earth.
However, reaching into your pockets, you realize that you can never taste those apples as you don't have any money to pay for them, if you go on buying, there'll be hell to pay. As you contemplate whether it is worth it to buy those apples, you notice at the corner of your eye that someone else also noticed those apples. But unlike you, stuck in your hesitation, that someone just go and grab those apples and paid the necessary price to the fruit seller.
How your heart is crushed, wrenched by watching something slip by so easily. What's more, the apple buyer decides to rub it in by taking a bite in front of you. Oh, how you wish you can punch him.
As you stand there imagining various ways to get back at him for cutting in, a distant exclamation clawed through the haze of your discontentment, "Oh, those apples were not that sweet anyway" he said while leaving the store with a bag full of apples.
You just stare at him, disbelieving your own ears and your eyes follow him until he's out of sight.
.
.
.
I have a weird question. What if you're the apples?
Ha! Surely that never crossed your minds. You thought I wanted to talk about the slow decision maker that was left high and dry because he was too slow to take what he wanted?
Sorry, but I'm concerned more with them apples :p

OK, so once more: what if you're the apples?
Regaled as the most beautiful, the most sweet, the most revered. You are the embodiment of everything good, that you can do no wrong. That anyone who got your attention is surely a lucky fool.
But then, suddenly you slip. It turns out that you, the living sunshine, also have your own darkness too.
How frustrated your worshipers would feel. How wretchedly rejected you would feel.
But all along, you were just being an ordinary apple. It was not you yourself who put you on a pedestal.
Is it your fault?
You have tried your best, to be all that you can be. Always searching for ways to better yourself, to inch nearer to visions of perfection. Isn't that what all of us should do? None of us is born perfect, all are tainted. What we have to do is try to cleanse ourselves, striving to be better. So it shouldn't be that big a surprise that humans are no angels.
For me, I think the burden of being a beautiful apple is too much to bear. I'd rather be an ordinary banana (bad joke, I know :p). I am just an ordinary human, trying very hard to make something out of myself. So don't be so frustrated that I don't live up to your expectations. Living to mine is hard enough.
So let's just accept the reality of our imperfections and try to complement each other in living this life. Maybe we'll fare better in the end by being together ;)

* I'm writing this in response to an old friend that said to me, "Kau berselindung disebalik lurus". I feel like it's a serious accusation, as if I am hypocritical in leading my life. It is true that I search for space to better myself but I've never hid behind a facade. What you see is what you get. No more, no less.