Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The torment of want

Pity me that the heart is slow to learn,
What the swift mind beholds at every turn
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

Haven't you come across a time when you wish that you can have control over what your heart wants? It frustrates me when the heart goes by itself, wanting many thing that it wasn't supposed to want in the first place. And of course the head goes haywire; trying all sorts of sound reasoning to convince the heart to budge, shouting through the deafening silence in the mind "Hey, you're not supposed to want that! It is wrong/somebody else's/impossible."
But the heart never listens.
So the cycle goes on: the heart never stops wanting and the mind never stops analyzing.
And the body continues to endure. Taking blow by blow, until it numbs. Indifferent to the opposite tugging of the heart and the pull of the mind.
.
.
.
As I always say: we should never ask for things that people cannot give. So what I resort to is to ask from a higher source; one that could provide me with everything that I can possibly ask for.
Often words are inadequate, but that don't matter. He is after all, the All Knowing. Resolution for both the heart and mind will be revealed in time, either now or whenever it is right to finally have it. Or to have something else in its place. I don't know. It is weird how faith works.
But for now it is enough to know that we could draw strength from this helplessness by surrendering everything and taking each step of the way with care, whispering silent prayers within our hearts and minds. Believing wholeheartedly that the answers are somewhere up ahead. Somehow, we will arrive there eventually.

La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billahil 'Aliyyil 'Azim

Friday, October 15, 2010

Secret


I tell everything, but I do not say it,
because, my friend, it is better
your secret be spoken by you.
~Rumi

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hujan bulan Juni


Hujan di Bulan Juni

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
Dari hujan bulan juni
Dirahsiakannya rintik rindunya
Kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak
Dari hujan bulan juni
Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
Yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif
Dari hujan bulan juni
Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
Diserap akar pohon bunga itu

~Sapardi Djoko Damono

Jangan diuji hati sendiri. Kau jua yang tahu apa yang boleh dan tidak boleh kau tahankan.