Holding a grudge will shorten your life

In 1878, railroad millionaire Charles Crocker decided to buy up the lots surrounding his mansion on San Francisco’s Nob Hill to improve his view of the surrounding vistas. He reached agreements with all the neighbors except for German undertaker Nicholas Yung, who refused to sell.

“I would have been happier than a condor in the sky,” Crocker wrote, “except for that crazy undertaker.”

His solution was pure spite: He built a 40-foot fence around Yung’s cottage on three sides, spoiling his view in hopes that he would sell. The fence can be seen behind the central mansion in this photo; only the chimneys of Yung’s house project above it.

“How gloomy our house became, how sad,” Yung’s daughter later wrote. “All we could see out our windows was the blank wood of the rich man’s fury. … The flowers in the garden all died, and our lawn turned brown, while inside the house everything felt perpetually damp.”

Yung held out nonetheless — according to some reports he mounted a 10-foot coffin atop the wall facing Crocker’s house — and the two maintained a senseless deadlock for years. Yung died in 1880 and Crocker in 1888; only then, when the mansion was sold to a new owner, did Yung’s heirs relent and sell their lot.

I found this on http://www.futilitycloset.com/

It is sad how foolish people with grudges become.

It is ugly that grown up people behave like angry six year olds.

So, to take heed of the lessons of this tale, we have to choose our battles and don't get worked up on things that are not really that big anyway. The clouded mind has a tendency of blowing everything out of proportion. One thing will lead to another and the toxic cycle will go on, and on and on and on until one of the proponents die.

It really ain't that big of a deal!

Patience is the key.

(Please remind me this the next time I blow my head off unnecessarily)

The challenge in words

I pulled out the post before this.

I've considered the possible effects and decided that I'd rather not deal with the everlasting consequences of a sudden outburst.

Patience, as always, will always come with a price.

The price is almost always endurance and more patience.

This patience-endurance cycle will never end, until the event resolves and disappear into the wind, as if it was never there before.

As patience is almost always associated with hurt, then there is no use of remembering the hurt once it had resolved.

It'll just add to the general disarray of ourselves.

.

.

.

It is fortunate that we can retract the things we write, but the effects of what we say, what we write cannot be undone. It is a permanent thing, forever etched in time and only failing memory can erode its presence.

But recent events at home and at work make me realize that sometimes when going about our daily lives and just being the generally foolish beings that we are, we tend to step on other's toes and trample on the hearts of others without knowing.

If you know the effects of what you are saying, then all of these won't apply to you because there is really no excuse for being mean and bitchy.

But it is true that sometimes we just don't realize how much we hurt with our words and actions. And these unintended blows to the heart will hurt just as bad and it doesn't subside even with the feeble acts of rationalization of the accidental attacker and the one accidentally attacked.

(remember these lines running through head? "easy, he/she doesn't mean it"or "oh no, I just hit a raw nerve. Maybe I'll just pretend I am innocent and he/she will forgive me without me actually asking for forgiveness" or "he/she don't know what he/she is talking about" or even "Oops")

Do you get me? It's kinda hard to get across.

Simply, we sometimes unknowingly hit a raw nerve with people and that causes trouble.

I think this is the reason why we have to seek forgiveness every time we part and leave amicably.

This is because even a passing comment could be interpreted a million ways. People will always over analyse and often this leads to the wrong conclusion that in turn would turn into a festering problem. To imagine the severity of the situation of this in graphic terms is to imagine the effect of a single microscopic wound on a diabetic foot. If left unattended, it'll cause gangrene and make the whole limb rot until eventually it would have to be amputated. If you're lucky that is, because if you're one of the unlucky ones then the infected sores would seep into the blood and cause septicemia that could be fatal.

It is that serious.

However, to integrate this practice of asking for forgiveness every time we want to part is odd and it would feel awkward. I tried it before and got very embarrassed. The shame became more unbearable because some people just won't let an easy apology go, they need an explanation for it.

And of course you know the pain and shame of having to explain yourself. It is like telling a joke nobody gets, you just fall flat on the face only this time it is worse because you're not defending a bad joke but rather defending yourself.

...Haih, I'm now wishing for a world where "sorry", "I love you" and all the hard phrases comes easy. Maybe we'll have fewer wars. Maybe.

Again, I wish for a world where people just understand what other people mean to say, without having to actually say it. Life, I think, would be much simpler.

But, for all that is worth my dear family and friends:

I am sorry and I love you

Each and every time, of course. Forever, insyaAllah.

(p/s: I am mildly disappointed with myself if all of you don't know this already).

Memberi alasan dan pujukan pada jiwa

Bagaimana kalau semuanya terjadi cuma dengan pengharapan?

Betapa besarnya harapan kita pada sesuatu, begitulah jua keinginan kita terhadap sesuatu.

Kalaulah semua maksud tercapai asalkan punya harapan yang kuat, dunia apakah yang akan kita dapat nanti?

Kau dan kau patut mendapatkannya semata-mata kerana kau lebih mengharapkannya. Kau pula tidak mendapatnya kerana kau kurang usaha, kau kurang harapan untuk mendapatkannya.

...

Kalau beginilah jalan dunia, yang berjaya cumalah mereka yang benar-benar berusaha untuk kejayaan itu dan bukan orang-orang opurtunis yang licik mencari peluang.

Kalau ini cara terbaik, yang tertindas akan menang dan yang berdosa akan kesusahan.

Kalau inilah cara yang sepatutnya, orang-orang yang benar-benar layak menjadi ibu bapa akan dikurniakan anak dan bukan orang-orang yang cuma akan membuang anak kandungan ditepi jalan. Atau lagi orang-orang yang bahagia dalam cinta cumalah orang-orang yang tidak akan mensia-siakan cintanya dan bukan orang-orang buta yang tak reti mensyukuri nikmat didepan mata.

...

Apa yang kita diajarkan selama ini: yang baik itu yang bahagia, yang tua itu yang dahulu atau yang berusaha itu yang akan mendapatkan...cumalah perkara-perkara yang benar dalam kehidupan utopia.

Dunia ini bukan tempat untuk mendapatkan keadilan, bukan tempat menemukan kesenangan dan pasti bukan tempat untuk menikmati kerehatan. Dinamik dunia tidak menurut ideal.

Dunia inikan secara hakikatnya adalah ujian. Semuanya nanti untuk mendapatkan keputusan kemana kau nanti di Titian Sirat.

Satu-satu dikira, tidak mungkin tertinggal. Dalam ini sahaja ditemukan keadilan kerana diputuskan Yang Maha Adil.

Bagaimana aku waktu itu? Bagaimana pula engkau? Entah.

Memang hati sakit melihat ketidakadilan berleluasa menurut timbangan insan.

Tapi boleh buat apa selain berdoa untuk diberi lebih kesabaran dan rahmat untuk menikmati apa yang didambakan?

Segalanya dalam rancanganNya. Kita memang cepat melatah, semacam Nabi Musa a.s bila diuji hikmat Nabi Khidir a.s.

Zahirnya memang tidak adil dan salah. Tapi apabila waktunya semua diterangkan maksud, bukankah keinsafan timbul kerana terlalu ikutkan kejahilan diri?

Keadilan itu pasti ada, cuma relativiti masa itu memang menggugat kesabaran.

Tidak mengapa, Allah kan ada.

Andainya memang milik kita, tiada siapa lagi yang boleh dan sanggup menidakkannya.

Sekarang cuma tinggal untuk berdoa dan letak pengharapan padaNya, agar harapan kita sama dengan apa yang menjadi rezeki kita pada akhirnya.

InsyaAllah