Their wounds cannot withstand more

This is so fitting with my current predicament. Words are heavy, so watch where you lay them upon.

“Don't talk about your riches in front of the poor, don't talk about your good health in front of the sick, don' t talk about your power in front of the weak, don't talk about the joys of your life in front of the sad ones, don't talk about your freedom in front of the captivated, don't talk about your children in front of those who cant have any, and don't talk about your parents in front of the orphans, for their wounds cannot withstand more”

Ali ibn Abi Talib (RA)

Words are heavy, so let's just talk

Assalamualaikum and hi.
It has been a longggg time, hasn't it?
I missed you.
Real life is like a running stream, pushing us through time so fast that if you are not fast enough to hold on to something you want, it would be wrenched away from you. Once you let go, you and it become separated so far. You can see it bobbing on the surface of memories but never to be held again.
You know, right now I just want to talk. You know, real talk where you can drown in the conversation with nothing to bring you back down to reality. I want to go somewhere with someone and just talk. No pretenses.
We can walk together and then sit on a sidewalk cafe. Still talking, chatting away while sipping on the steaming coffee held so close to your face that you have to squint your eyes a bit due to the close heat.
God, I miss that.
I've never done it, yes, but the scene played out so clearly in my mind that it is hard to separate longing from actual happenings.
I want to talk.
But do you realize how heavy some words are?
Some conversations you carry around in your head but never spoken by the mouth. Over time, these one-way conversations become heavier. Remember, those words are heavy so you rather carry them around yourself than spilling it all out in a rush of conversation.
It is not intentional, you carry it around because no one seem fit to hear it nor are there anyone who would readily receive it. You can see the burdens on their shoulders and the realization dawned that if you were to talk and say those things in your head and heart it would add to their burdens.
Furthermore what you want to articulate seem so miniscule and insignificant compared to the monstrosity of their problems. They seem to think it so, and this is evidenced by the fact that rather than listening to you, they would rather talk about the immensity of their own obstacles.
It is tiring.
Imagine trying to tell that your own is heavy (not asking to help bear the burden, rather seeking understanding) but was met with, "my own is much heavier than yours and thus much more important".
Again, it is tiring.
So now I want to talk to someone who actually wants to talk to me. I have an idea of what kind of person that would be, but I am unsure if they would talk to me. This is just due for the simple reason that I haven't met the person who would go to a sidewalk cafe with me and just talk.

Behind egocentric eyes

The sun shines lazily among the clouds. You decide to take a kid for a walk at a beautiful playground. There are colorful swings, the slides are awesome, so many kids running around and the weather was as clear as can be. At the far end of the playground you can even see a man selling fat helium balloons and another man in white wearing a hat who is busy tending to the endless orders for ice cream cones.

The kind whom you are holding is actually your sister, who starts jumping up and down, up and down because she is already impatient to dive into all the excitement. You held her hand tighter because you worry that she'll fall down and said, "Ok, go play but be careful." Your sister did not even bother to pretend that she heard you because as soon as you let go of her hand, she was sprinting toward the nearest swing.

And you, feeling that your job is partly done (the only thing left is just to watch over her, make sure she is safe), start walking toward a small white bench at the side of the playground to catch a breather. It was quite a long walk and you welcome the rest. But as soon as you sit you heard screaming, "hey, get off the slide, it's MY turn!" and you turn your head only to be faced with the scene of your sister suddenly laying claim to the use of the slides. Every other kid backed away. Then, 2-3 minutes, she ran again to the swing, pushing a girl that was playing happily, "Get OFF! I was here before."

You blinked your eyes a couple of times, not believing the scene. In your head you can't comprehend, why is she like that?

You're on your feet now, rushing to your sister before she got off the swing to go to the slides again. You got there just in time to grab her hand and then shaking her a bit as if waking her from a trance. But she is wide awake and you know that she fully realize her actions.

You thundered, "WHY?"

She faced you and retorted, "WHY NOT? I want it all. Everywhere it says the same thing. Follow your desires, follow your heart, realize your dream. My desires being fulfilled is the point of everything. Why are you so fussy?"

Flabbergasted, you look at her with disbelief.

Didn't she know that she can't have everything?

Didn't she realize how she hurt others with her actions?

Even if the slides and swings are unoccupied, didn't she know it is futile for wanting it all because you can only experience one at a time?

Why she thinks that she is entitled for everything?

Is being able to, a good enough reason to take it all?

You searched frantically in her defiant eyes for answers to any of the questions, even one is enough but none came. And there you and her stand, frozen in time, as the question hang in the air with no hope of answers.

I would would've wouldn't

I would love you,
If only I misunderstood the signs.
I would've showed you,
But you wouldn't care if you were aware.
I wouldn't do anything now,
Obviously I would have more luck counting the rain.
Strangely in this reality, it doesn't really matter.
A new dream has come, as well as a new fancy.
I would, now, lay it all out again.
I would've played it all the same but...
I wouldn't, now, as I know the game.
If in the future you find something lacking in my smile, just remember that meeting you doesn't taste as sweet anymore.
There is something sad in blandness. But that is all you are to me. It has ceased becoming anything more.