I can't wait for 2009 to come. Yeah, I know life is a continuous book and it doesn't mean that an ending of the year would mean an ending or beginning of anything. But I am excited anyway ;)
One more thing, the end of the year is not too late for the first of anything right?
Firstly, I've never gotten the "Talk". You know, the bewildering talk face to face when someone asks you The Question: When are you getting married?
Haha, honestly, I've never had the talk before (not that I remembered :p), people would just ask me, "When are you going to finish your studies?" all the while giving me the eye, but I just ignored it and say, "Maybe for 2 more years" and just walk off quickly because by the look that person gave me earlier I know I won't like where the conversation is heading ;) Quite sneaky huh?
But then...I could only get myself off the hook for so long. Last week, I got it from the most unlikeliest person: my uncle who just got married. Seriously, if you know him, you wouldn't believe he was the one who gave me my first "Talk". Haha, I just can't be serious even when he is talking of a very serious thing ---> it is just not like him. I laughed and asked him to stop because it's just too weird! But he just went right on and I just listened :) But I don't mind because I know that newly married people have this inexplicable urge to make anyone who is unattached to get hitched ASAP.
I've braced myself physically and mentally to deal with such aggressiveness toward my single and unattached status. Bring it on! Haha
Secondly, I've never been tagged before (mostly because this blog of mine is "out of the loop" hehe). So this is another first for me from Hani -->
Answer this bunch of question based on the opposite gender. no family members is allowed.
What is the relationship of you and him?
Long lost crush
Your 5 impressions towards him
1. more or less pious
2. doesn't show his piousness, hell gila tapi baik ;)
3. loves his mother
4. opinionated
5. dreamy heavenly eyes (I am thankful that there is no way he'll be reading this)
The most memorable things he had done for you
Once in class he was doing a group presentation and I asked a question for them. Then he walked up, put up his hands like he was stopping his friends from answering my question (depakan tangan..susah tul nk describe) and gave me his full attention, as if there was only me and him (--this is beginning to sound like a teen flick). And I melted.
The most memorable things he have said to you
Never said anything directly. It's the eyes, you know :p
If he becomes your enemy, you will...
Ignore him as always (what you don't know won't hurt you, right?)
If he becomes your enemy, the reason is...
Both of our Gigantic ego
The most desirable thing to do on him is...
Err...smile?
The overall impression of him?
Mr Too Perfect, gotta get over him.
How do you think the people around you will feel about you?
This quiet serious girl who is harmless like a mouse.
The character of you for yourself is...
An abstract thinker
The character you hate of yourself is...
My innate inability to intiate or engage in small talk
The most ideal person that you want to be is...
Someone who does much but expect less
For the people who care about and like you, say something about them
Thank you. If you'll tell me who you are I'll return it sevenfold :)
10 people to tag
(in random order)
1. Fizah
2. Fazleen
3. Wanie
4. Kak Nana
5. Sha
6. Z
7. Alifah
8. Fadil
9. Zam
10. Anyone who care to be tagged!
Who is no. 2 having a relationship with?
*Secret*
Is no. 3 a male or a female?
female
What is no. 1 studying about?
bacteria + oil ==> thesis
Is no. 4 single?
And available, if I might add
Who is no. 5?
Math genius in the lab
Say something about no. 6?
Always asking me to skip math class during matrix haha
---> This tag is all in good fun. Don't make things complicated k :)
Friday, December 26, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
No such thing as lucky
Do you believe there is such thing as coincidence? Luck?
I don't.
I used to but now I don't as I've thought about it for a while.
Yeah...I am one of those people that need to believe that everything happens for a reason and that what I am doing is somehow significant.
Too idealistic?
hmm..why not?
Do you seriously believe that the sun just "coincidentally" rise every morning after the moon?
Or that the food you ate just "coincidentally" digested itself from the complex and jumbled up mixture of chemicals to ultimately give you the strength to survive?
Seriously, if you know what's going on in your body, you'd be surprised that you survived at all if you applied the theory of coincidence to the basic function of digestion or breathing.
I think that to assume that everything is "coincidental" is quite a long shot, even impossible to the logical mind.
Ok, c'mon. Let us think about it a sec.
As an example, let's take something that we do everyday: eating.
Here you are, all ready to gobble up a heavenly delicious Prosperity burger from McD. You look at it, admiring the beef dripping with black pepper sauce and your sense of smell is taking up the aroma. All this while, your brain and other parts of your body is already working to respond to the burger (activating your saliva glands, releasing feel-good hormones, activating the move of your muscles etc.) and you haven't even eaten it yet!
Then when you've finally taken a bite, only God knows just how many processes and reactions are taking place in your body in a concerted way. It's like the ultimate orchestra. All of the processes are done by molecules that seem to know what they're supposed to do with the burger bite in order to turn it into something useful for the body.
Is it a coincidence that the right enzymes and molecules are released to deal with the burger? If we apply the theory of probability, then everything has a probablity to happen. There are an estimated 75,000 human enzymes in the body (according to wikianswers..yeah, I know. Very scientific :p) so every enzyme have a 1 in 75,000 chance to be excreted. But because there are other cues from the body to signal which are the right enzymes to be excreted, then digestion enzymes are excreted to deal with the burger, not growth enzymes or enzymes that trigger an allergic reaction (is there anyone allergic to a burger?).
But where does the cues come from?
Where does the cues for the cues come from?
Where does the cues for the cues for the cues come from?
And so on.
The human mind is so weak that it couldn't even have the answer to a simple event like reaction of the body toward a burger.
Ultimately, you have to believe that there is something greater than all of us. Something that reaches far beyond than what we even hope to imagine.
With knowledge, you can't help but rethink your existence. Be thankful that you're even alive today when so much things could go wrong.
p/s: Don't go further than you can, it'd make you crazy just thinking about it. Just leave it to the Almighty. Just take what you can handle, the others let it be ;)
I don't.
I used to but now I don't as I've thought about it for a while.
Yeah...I am one of those people that need to believe that everything happens for a reason and that what I am doing is somehow significant.
Too idealistic?
hmm..why not?
Do you seriously believe that the sun just "coincidentally" rise every morning after the moon?
Or that the food you ate just "coincidentally" digested itself from the complex and jumbled up mixture of chemicals to ultimately give you the strength to survive?
Seriously, if you know what's going on in your body, you'd be surprised that you survived at all if you applied the theory of coincidence to the basic function of digestion or breathing.
I think that to assume that everything is "coincidental" is quite a long shot, even impossible to the logical mind.
Ok, c'mon. Let us think about it a sec.
As an example, let's take something that we do everyday: eating.
Here you are, all ready to gobble up a heavenly delicious Prosperity burger from McD. You look at it, admiring the beef dripping with black pepper sauce and your sense of smell is taking up the aroma. All this while, your brain and other parts of your body is already working to respond to the burger (activating your saliva glands, releasing feel-good hormones, activating the move of your muscles etc.) and you haven't even eaten it yet!
Then when you've finally taken a bite, only God knows just how many processes and reactions are taking place in your body in a concerted way. It's like the ultimate orchestra. All of the processes are done by molecules that seem to know what they're supposed to do with the burger bite in order to turn it into something useful for the body.
Is it a coincidence that the right enzymes and molecules are released to deal with the burger? If we apply the theory of probability, then everything has a probablity to happen. There are an estimated 75,000 human enzymes in the body (according to wikianswers..yeah, I know. Very scientific :p) so every enzyme have a 1 in 75,000 chance to be excreted. But because there are other cues from the body to signal which are the right enzymes to be excreted, then digestion enzymes are excreted to deal with the burger, not growth enzymes or enzymes that trigger an allergic reaction (is there anyone allergic to a burger?).
But where does the cues come from?
Where does the cues for the cues come from?
Where does the cues for the cues for the cues come from?
And so on.
The human mind is so weak that it couldn't even have the answer to a simple event like reaction of the body toward a burger.
Ultimately, you have to believe that there is something greater than all of us. Something that reaches far beyond than what we even hope to imagine.
With knowledge, you can't help but rethink your existence. Be thankful that you're even alive today when so much things could go wrong.
p/s: Don't go further than you can, it'd make you crazy just thinking about it. Just leave it to the Almighty. Just take what you can handle, the others let it be ;)
Friday, December 19, 2008
I will seek my own
I appeal from your customs. I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. If you can love me for what I am, we shall be the happier. If you cannot, I will still seek to deserve that you should. I will not hide my tastes or aversions. I will so trust that what is deep is holy, that I will do strongly before the sun and moon whatever inly rejoices me, and the heart appoints. If you are noble, I will love you; if you are not, I will not hurt you and myself by hypocritical attentions. If you are true, but not in the same truth with me, cleave to your companions; I will seek my own.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Mountain of work
slm :)
it's been awhile since I've wrote anything here.
I'm busy nowadays, climbing the gigantic mountain of work and racing for time.
Even the reason I am able to write anything now is because I am currently waiting for my real-time PCR to finish (maybe it'll be finished at 11.00 p.m).
I wish it could be faster...I wish I were faster.
*********************************************************************************
This Saturday I'll be meeting with Aishah, from Sabah. It is not often that she came down here so I'm taking this opportunity to catch up and be updated about each other lives'.
After my friends and I went our separate ways after graduation, the simple act of saying "hello" seem so hard to do. It's like life is so full of other things that it takes a great amount of effort and determination to keep in touch. We are all so caught up in the rapid flow of life that things that should be important (like family and friends) seem like a blur and all that we can say as we see it pass by is "sorry I can't make it, I have so much work to do" and just watch helplessly as they went on with their own lives without you in it.
Well, what did you expect? Who are we to make them wait?
it's been awhile since I've wrote anything here.
I'm busy nowadays, climbing the gigantic mountain of work and racing for time.
Even the reason I am able to write anything now is because I am currently waiting for my real-time PCR to finish (maybe it'll be finished at 11.00 p.m).
I wish it could be faster...I wish I were faster.
*********************************************************************************
This Saturday I'll be meeting with Aishah, from Sabah. It is not often that she came down here so I'm taking this opportunity to catch up and be updated about each other lives'.
After my friends and I went our separate ways after graduation, the simple act of saying "hello" seem so hard to do. It's like life is so full of other things that it takes a great amount of effort and determination to keep in touch. We are all so caught up in the rapid flow of life that things that should be important (like family and friends) seem like a blur and all that we can say as we see it pass by is "sorry I can't make it, I have so much work to do" and just watch helplessly as they went on with their own lives without you in it.
Well, what did you expect? Who are we to make them wait?
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Home Alone
I am now in the lab.
The mountain of task that await me is so high that it makes my heart heavy to start climbing. So I procrastinate. But things could be put off for only so long, eventually you have to get it done sooner or later.
I might be slow to start, but I'm moving nonetheless ;)
Guess I'll be spending Aidiladha alone this year as the rest of my family have gone to Kelantan.
I am not so sad, I've spent my Raya Qurban away from family before (during my matriculation and also while in Unimas). Furthermore, the decision to stay at home and do my research project is entirely my own.
However, it is still not easy even though I've been through it before. I bid a teary farewell to my family yesterday and I kick myself for doing that. I want them to not worry for me, so in the end I did manage to stop my tears and gave them a great big smile while waving them goodbye (still am proud of myself for doing that :p ) and I could see that somehow they are somewhat relieved after that.
When I told everyone that I'll be alone this raya, most of them pity me. But friends, you need not be. I am fine, truly. I know what I am getting myself into, so don't worry :)
Well Mom did say once that out of all her children, I am the one she won't be worried about if I was stranded on an island haha. Yeah, I am indeed a survivor!!
So now I am alone.
Do you know that when alone, the silence is so loud it hurt your ears?
But life is all about making choices.
I don't know whether it is wrong or right, but it is mine.
The mountain of task that await me is so high that it makes my heart heavy to start climbing. So I procrastinate. But things could be put off for only so long, eventually you have to get it done sooner or later.
I might be slow to start, but I'm moving nonetheless ;)
Guess I'll be spending Aidiladha alone this year as the rest of my family have gone to Kelantan.
I am not so sad, I've spent my Raya Qurban away from family before (during my matriculation and also while in Unimas). Furthermore, the decision to stay at home and do my research project is entirely my own.
However, it is still not easy even though I've been through it before. I bid a teary farewell to my family yesterday and I kick myself for doing that. I want them to not worry for me, so in the end I did manage to stop my tears and gave them a great big smile while waving them goodbye (still am proud of myself for doing that :p ) and I could see that somehow they are somewhat relieved after that.
When I told everyone that I'll be alone this raya, most of them pity me. But friends, you need not be. I am fine, truly. I know what I am getting myself into, so don't worry :)
Well Mom did say once that out of all her children, I am the one she won't be worried about if I was stranded on an island haha. Yeah, I am indeed a survivor!!
So now I am alone.
Do you know that when alone, the silence is so loud it hurt your ears?
But life is all about making choices.
I don't know whether it is wrong or right, but it is mine.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Every man has his price?
Hari ini bersubahat dalam rasuah.
...
Rasa hati susah dan tidak tenang.
Rasanya kalaulah aku mengenali Hamka, pasti kata-kata ini yang akan diucapkan, " Hati kamu belum merdeka. Mengapa mengkhianati kata hatimu sendiri?"
Aku percaya manusia itu fitrahnya adalah baik. Kalaulah dia jahat macam setan pun, jauh disudut hatinya dia sedar apa yang dilakukannya bukanlah sesuatu yang sesuai dengan fitrah roh seorang insan. Apa- apa perlakuan yang tidak elok, makruh atau haram pasti akan meninggalkan kesan pada jiwanya. Orang yang masih degil mahu menurut jalan yang bertentangan dengan kata hatinya, fitrahnya, pasti tidak akan tenang. Fikirannya tentu kucar-kacir.
Hati akan lebih berkecamuk andainya dia mempunyai ilmu tentang hukum perlakuannya itu.
Bukannya dia tak tau perbuatannya salah, dia tau.
Dan dia tidak akan tenang.
Peristiwa korup yang berlaku bukannya asing dalam masyarakat hari ini. Seringkali disalah anggap sebagai, "bertolak ansur" "win-win situation".
Bengong.
Lepas saja perkara itu berlalu, rasa tidak senang timbul dalam hati.
Bukannya tidak mampu bayar tapi ATM out of service. Tak cukup duit.
Tak perlulah alasan, tapi pada waktu dan ketika itu masing-masing rasa tersepit. Tak pernah menghadapi situasi sebegitu. Rasa macam penjenayah.
Maka kami mengumpulkan dua not merah untuk diberi pada dua buaya beruniform itu.
Semasa menghulurkan suapan haram itu Kak Nana berkata,
Kami sepakat tentang beberapa perkara:
After this, we know your game.
Next time, we will not lose.
...
Rasa hati susah dan tidak tenang.
Rasanya kalaulah aku mengenali Hamka, pasti kata-kata ini yang akan diucapkan, " Hati kamu belum merdeka. Mengapa mengkhianati kata hatimu sendiri?"
Aku percaya manusia itu fitrahnya adalah baik. Kalaulah dia jahat macam setan pun, jauh disudut hatinya dia sedar apa yang dilakukannya bukanlah sesuatu yang sesuai dengan fitrah roh seorang insan. Apa- apa perlakuan yang tidak elok, makruh atau haram pasti akan meninggalkan kesan pada jiwanya. Orang yang masih degil mahu menurut jalan yang bertentangan dengan kata hatinya, fitrahnya, pasti tidak akan tenang. Fikirannya tentu kucar-kacir.
Hati akan lebih berkecamuk andainya dia mempunyai ilmu tentang hukum perlakuannya itu.
Bukannya dia tak tau perbuatannya salah, dia tau.
Dan dia tidak akan tenang.
Peristiwa korup yang berlaku bukannya asing dalam masyarakat hari ini. Seringkali disalah anggap sebagai, "bertolak ansur" "win-win situation".
Bengong.
Lepas saja perkara itu berlalu, rasa tidak senang timbul dalam hati.
"Awak ada 2 pilihan: awak boleh turun bawah dan bayar rm50 atau kita selesaikan disini je tapi bayar rm20. Bukannya apa..sebagai pengajaran" katanya dengan senyuman sinis yang membengkakkan geram dalam hati.Aku dan kawan-kawan saling berpandangan. Memekakkan telinga dengan hinaan dan kata-kata sinis oleh duo hero delusional SACC.
Bukannya tidak mampu bayar tapi ATM out of service. Tak cukup duit.
Tak perlulah alasan, tapi pada waktu dan ketika itu masing-masing rasa tersepit. Tak pernah menghadapi situasi sebegitu. Rasa macam penjenayah.
Maka kami mengumpulkan dua not merah untuk diberi pada dua buaya beruniform itu.
Semasa menghulurkan suapan haram itu Kak Nana berkata,
"Semoga berbahagia dengan duit tu."Masuk sahaja dalam kereta, keempat-empat kami seakan-akan tiba-tiba hidup. Macam ada yang tekan "ON" pada kami yang tadinya "OFF" dan menurut saja flow kejahatan 'hero' duo tadi. Semuanya beri pendapat dan cadangan tentang bagaimana cara yang sepatutnya kami handle situation tadi.
Kami sepakat tentang beberapa perkara:
- Memang jelas kami bersalah (sape soh parking kat tempat cacat!!!!! ugh) dan taknak buat lagi dah...
- Pakcik itu tidak patut menghamburkan kata-kata sebegitu
- Sepatutnya kami turun dan bayar saja RM50 saman
- Sepatutnya kami bertanya nama 'hero' duo itu dan melaporkan kegiatan korup mereka
- Taknak terlibat dengan rasuah lagi
After this, we know your game.
Next time, we will not lose.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Just believe
To shrink cancer cell - Surah Thaaha 105 -107 (7 times)
To kill cancer cell:
1. Surah Al-Qalam 1-5
2. Surah Al-Qalam 16-20 ( 7 times, repeat verse 20, 20 times)
To cure from cancer (read following sequence):
1. Al-fatihah
2. Al-Baqarah 1-5, 163-165, 255-257, 285-286
3. Ali-Imran 1-5, 18, 26-27
4. Al-A'raf 54-56, 117-119
5. Yunus 80-81
6. Thaaha 65-69
7. Mukminun 115-118
8. As-Shaaffaat 1-15
9. Ar-Rahman 31-34
10. Al-Hasyr 21-24
11. Al-Mulk 3-4
12. Al-Qalam 3-4
13. Al-Jinn 3
14. Al-Kafiruun
15. Al-Falaq
16. An-Nas
(Read 7 times onto water for shower and also water to be drank)
Believe, it is He the Most Merciful, the Most Loving, for it is He who will give a cure to this disease. Insya'Allah.
Always read:
Doa Nabi Yunus, Bismillah 5, Doa Nabi Ayub, Ayat Syifa' and istighfar
taken from http://onebreastbouncing.blogspot.com/
( a breast cancer survivor)
To kill cancer cell:
1. Surah Al-Qalam 1-5
2. Surah Al-Qalam 16-20 ( 7 times, repeat verse 20, 20 times)
To cure from cancer (read following sequence):
1. Al-fatihah
2. Al-Baqarah 1-5, 163-165, 255-257, 285-286
3. Ali-Imran 1-5, 18, 26-27
4. Al-A'raf 54-56, 117-119
5. Yunus 80-81
6. Thaaha 65-69
7. Mukminun 115-118
8. As-Shaaffaat 1-15
9. Ar-Rahman 31-34
10. Al-Hasyr 21-24
11. Al-Mulk 3-4
12. Al-Qalam 3-4
13. Al-Jinn 3
14. Al-Kafiruun
15. Al-Falaq
16. An-Nas
(Read 7 times onto water for shower and also water to be drank)
Believe, it is He the Most Merciful, the Most Loving, for it is He who will give a cure to this disease. Insya'Allah.
Always read:
Doa Nabi Yunus, Bismillah 5, Doa Nabi Ayub, Ayat Syifa' and istighfar
taken from http://onebreastbouncing.blogspot.com/
( a breast cancer survivor)
Monday, November 24, 2008
How many times more?
Lyrics | O.A.R. lyrics - Shattered (Turn The Car Around) lyrics
I know is not right to feel as I do.
But I do, I do, I do.
It sucks to try to reach for something but it always elude you.
I want to get away from this as far as I can.
I want to be able to pave my own life, without the burden of association to another that always seem to get what they want.
I want to be free of this.
It weigh heavy on my heart and my cheek muscles hurt from faking too much smiles. Being fake is so much work. I want badly to cry.
In a way, I need a changeI know when trying for something there is always a 50% chance you'll fail. It is rezeki. So I know full well that there is no point in questioning why all this time my chances seem to fall on the failing 50%? Statistically in 100 attempts you'll most likely fail 50 times. If you fail 100 times, maybe it needs another 100 attempts to succeed. So what if the 50 or even 100 failures seem to line up one after the other? There's always a probability for that to happen, however remote.
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you
...It sux tho.
I don't want to be stuck in this destiny of being tied up to another. No one ties us up I know, but I myself think that way. I want to break free, I know I'll be much better without it. But how to break free? It's like a curse. It is like I am worthy for nothing. After this, I want to go alone. I want to try it all alone. If I fail then I'll bear it alone, at least I won't feel so damn worthless.
How many times can I break till I shatter?....This post have too many "I" in it. Too caught up in self. So sorry.
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
Sunday, November 23, 2008
It ain't over until it's over
Lyrics | Just Stand Up To Cancer lyrics - Just Stand Up lyrics
Es mejor morir de pie que vivir de rodillas.
It is better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees
Emiliano Zapata Salazar
Cancer is such a gloomy thing. It is hard to be positive when all you see is the end. It's like the axe can fall anytime, taking with it all the joy of life that was once there.
If we focus only on the end, all that goes between becomes insignificant, it holds no meaning anymore.
Why live when you would die anyway?
Why hope when there is no chance of cure?
Why love when it will be lost?
For me it is because we are not born to be losers. We are not born to mope around, shouting to everyone, "I am hurt! I am diseased! The end is near!" and then skulk back to a dark corner, thinking how unfair life is.
If the reason we are born is to die, then why hang around?
Are you that insignificant?
We are all given the chance to live until a certain period of time. That is a known fact (although it is easy to forget that sometimes). Death is a natural part of life ===> we live,therefore we die. If there is no death, would there be life? No.
We are born to this world for a purpose. You, as an individual would have to try with everything you can to leave a mark in this world. It doesn't have to be something so major that it is written in history, small things do count. Be someone worthwhile, be all that you can be. Make a difference in someone else's life. Be a good friend, be someone's sweetheart, be someone's teacher, be a good parent. All of this count in defining who you are as a person, who you aspire to be. You have a role to play, so play it well. Don't be too selfish and just think about yourself: how unfair the game of life turn out to be, how unfortunate of you to have all problems going your way. Just because you don't like what was given to you, don't mean you can quit the game and just wait until your time run out.
It's like we all have better daysYou are a part of something important, something much more than who we are singularly, then your life is worth saving. Save your own life! If you, yourself don't think it is worth anything then rest assured that no one would think otherwise. Fight for the right to live! Don't give up, believe in yourself.
Problems getting all up in your face
Just because you go through it
Don't mean it got to take control, no
So what if you have only 5 years to live?
So what if you only have 5 days to live?
Those are only predictions from people that don't even know when they themselves are going to die. Those predictions are just empty numbers. They don't control you life, you don't either. Your life: to live or die is in Allah's power. What you can do is only to fight with all your might and hold on to your faith. Don't ask stupid meaningless questions like:
Why does this happen to me?
I've been good, why is God unkind to me?
To this date, there is no cure for cancer. So be strong. You only have yourself and God. Others can only support you so far. This is your journey, how are you going to get through it?
Reflect on this:
Who are we to beLooking at the people closest to me, I am amazed by the desire to fight. The heart can never rest if it didn't do all it can to overcome this. This is no time to be sad, you can never afford to be weak. However, strength is nonexistent in the absence of faith. Without faith, there is no hope. Without hope, all would be lost.
Questioning
Wondering what is what
Don't give up
Through it all
Just stand up
La haula wala quwwata illa billah
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Phantom hourglass
Slm
Semalam YM ngan Anie, yang sudahpun bertunang n insyaAllah akn mendirikan rumah tangga tahun depan.
Naturally, the conversation shifted to marriage, soulmate, getting hitched, bf (or rather the nonexistence of one) etc, etc.
However, one of her comments got me thinking.
When we were discussing the choices that we make in life (her getting married and me getting my PhD), about how her situation is different from mine and that getting married is the best thing to happen to her right now she said to me:
Why she said that? I do want to get married but...
After the conversation, I thought about what she said and I've come to one conclusion.
Yes, I am not yet "serious."
Sometimes the loneliness kicks in and the desire to have someone by your side is overwhelming but I realize that getting married is not my first priority.
My friend thinks that for someone in her situation getting married is the best (her parents are getting old and she wants to be able to give something back to her parents before anything happens...), she even postponed her dreams of furthering her studies to work and get married.
However, for me I look at it with a different perspective.
Yes, I do worry for my parents, especially my father.
I ask myself, "Is this all there is? Is this the end?"
I don't know the answer, but I'm sure as hell not going to hang around and find out.
So now I have this burning desire to do all there is in my power to make it so that my parents especially my father could experience it all.
So the next best thing is to try and achieve all the other dreams and make them into reality.
I'm racing with the clock but I don't know how much time I have left.
So yes, I am not yet serious in getting hitched. I have so much more to do and if God willing I should be able to fulfill the last two dreams while achieving all the other dreams, I am most thankful.
I am racing a fight to the end.
I just hope I manage to arrive before time runs out.
La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billah
Semalam YM ngan Anie, yang sudahpun bertunang n insyaAllah akn mendirikan rumah tangga tahun depan.
Naturally, the conversation shifted to marriage, soulmate, getting hitched, bf (or rather the nonexistence of one) etc, etc.
However, one of her comments got me thinking.
When we were discussing the choices that we make in life (her getting married and me getting my PhD), about how her situation is different from mine and that getting married is the best thing to happen to her right now she said to me:
Ko tu tak serius lagiHuh?
Why she said that? I do want to get married but...
After the conversation, I thought about what she said and I've come to one conclusion.
Yes, I am not yet "serious."
Sometimes the loneliness kicks in and the desire to have someone by your side is overwhelming but I realize that getting married is not my first priority.
My friend thinks that for someone in her situation getting married is the best (her parents are getting old and she wants to be able to give something back to her parents before anything happens...), she even postponed her dreams of furthering her studies to work and get married.
However, for me I look at it with a different perspective.
Yes, I do worry for my parents, especially my father.
I ask myself, "Is this all there is? Is this the end?"
I don't know the answer, but I'm sure as hell not going to hang around and find out.
So now I have this burning desire to do all there is in my power to make it so that my parents especially my father could experience it all.
- Me graduating with my doctorate degree.
- Me having a great and high paying job.
- My brother and sisters success in their exams and dreams (like Lili who is now chembering to become a lawyer, Alia who's sitting for her SPM, Azrai who'll be sitting for SPM next year, Nim who'll be taking her PMR next year...).
- Me getting married (oh!)
- Me having kids (oh OH!)
So the next best thing is to try and achieve all the other dreams and make them into reality.
I'm racing with the clock but I don't know how much time I have left.
So yes, I am not yet serious in getting hitched. I have so much more to do and if God willing I should be able to fulfill the last two dreams while achieving all the other dreams, I am most thankful.
I am racing a fight to the end.
I just hope I manage to arrive before time runs out.
La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billah
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
For a friend
Song for a friend --Jason Mraz
**********************************************************************************
This is a song for a friend.
It is filled with advice and reminders from a great friend.
Friends are truly another kind of love.
It's like being pressured for nothing at all, especially between best friends.
No pressure to fill in the silence with nervous laughter or a witty remark.
No discomfort in silence.
Even if I don't have much to give, I do love my friends although I never say it. It's weird to say those 3 words to friends. Words like, "I love you" or "I miss you" seem more appropriate for a lover.
But actually, those are exactly the feelings that I have.
I miss our long talks, our discussions about anything.
Time seem to fly past but filled with nothing worthwhile.
Friends give you a perspective of situations that sometimes you've never thought of before.
It is a good thing to have an honest friend, who'll tell you that you're about to do something stupid.
Well, two heads is better than none ;)
I truly treasure you in my life, you know who you are.
But I won't say it in person, biasalah, ego...hehe.
A sudden thought: Ego can only get you so far...until eventually the road ends and humility begin...in all honesty, there's no place for a misplaced ego. We're all just ordinary people.
So, I miss you and I thank Allah for this :)
Well you're magic he said
But don't let it all go to your head
Well I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed
No doubt
All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping
To be
Keep on keeping it real
Cause it keeps getting easier indeed
He's the reason that I'm laughing
Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself
You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek
You got all the skill you need,
Individuality
You got something
Call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself
Yes you are
There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take,
That's why it's easy to thank you
You...
Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you
Yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love
Climb up over the top
Survey the state of the soul
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it
Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you
But don't let it all go to your head
Well I bet if you all had it all figured out
Then you'd never get out of bed
No doubt
All the thing's that I've read what he wrote me
Is now sounding like the man I was hoping
To be
Keep on keeping it real
Cause it keeps getting easier indeed
He's the reason that I'm laughing
Even if there's no one else
He said, you've got to love yourself
You say, you shouldn't mumble when you speak
But keep your tongue up in your cheek
And if you stumble on to
You better remember that it's humble that you seek
You got all the skill you need,
Individuality
You got something
Call it gumption
Call it anything you want
Because when you play the fool now
You're only fooling everyone else
You're learning to love yourself
Yes you are
There's no price to pay
When you give and what you take,
That's why it's easy to thank you
You...
Let's say take a break from the day
And get back to the old garage
Because life's too short anyway
But at least it's better then average
As long as you got me
And I got you
You know we'll got a lot to go around
I'll be your friend
Your other brother
Another love to come and comfort you
And I'll keep reminding
If it's the only thing I ever do
I will always love
I will always love you
Yes you
I will always, always, always, always love
I will always, always love
I will always, always love, love
Climb up over the top
Survey the state of the soul
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it
Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you
**********************************************************************************
This is a song for a friend.
It is filled with advice and reminders from a great friend.
Friends are truly another kind of love.
It's like being pressured for nothing at all, especially between best friends.
No pressure to fill in the silence with nervous laughter or a witty remark.
No discomfort in silence.
Even if I don't have much to give, I do love my friends although I never say it. It's weird to say those 3 words to friends. Words like, "I love you" or "I miss you" seem more appropriate for a lover.
But actually, those are exactly the feelings that I have.
I miss our long talks, our discussions about anything.
Time seem to fly past but filled with nothing worthwhile.
Friends give you a perspective of situations that sometimes you've never thought of before.
It is a good thing to have an honest friend, who'll tell you that you're about to do something stupid.
Well, two heads is better than none ;)
I truly treasure you in my life, you know who you are.
But I won't say it in person, biasalah, ego...hehe.
A sudden thought: Ego can only get you so far...until eventually the road ends and humility begin...in all honesty, there's no place for a misplaced ego. We're all just ordinary people.
So, I miss you and I thank Allah for this :)
Choice for love
Sometimes I wonder...will I ever be the same person if I chose a different choice in the past?
I heard somebody say that the choices you make define who you really are.
I think that is true.
But,
The definition of self must come from within you, not from another person.
I think this is because only you will know the true reason for the choices you made, others could only speculate.
*************************************************************************************
Love, love, love
Love is a choice, is it not?
Maybe love is indeed blind because you could never choose who you will fall in love with.
But,
after falling in love, the decision to go through with the love and pursue it till the very end is a choice right? The other choice is to let your love go away, to fade into the days gone by.
Sometimes feelings of love make people lose their heads, right?
So, after the initial infatuation, rational thinking would have to be reinstalled immediately.
If not, hearts would be broken. Incapacitated by the need for a reciprocal reaction.
If there is none, the feelings should be erased. Like formatting a hard drive when it is infected by a virus.
Then reboot.
Start over.
But in the end, it's your choice anyway: to pursue it or not.
If unable to erase it permanently, just keep it in the recycle bin.
You can always restore it later ;)
I heard somebody say that the choices you make define who you really are.
I think that is true.
But,
The definition of self must come from within you, not from another person.
I think this is because only you will know the true reason for the choices you made, others could only speculate.
*************************************************************************************
Love, love, love
Love is a choice, is it not?
Maybe love is indeed blind because you could never choose who you will fall in love with.
But,
after falling in love, the decision to go through with the love and pursue it till the very end is a choice right? The other choice is to let your love go away, to fade into the days gone by.
Sometimes feelings of love make people lose their heads, right?
So, after the initial infatuation, rational thinking would have to be reinstalled immediately.
If not, hearts would be broken. Incapacitated by the need for a reciprocal reaction.
If there is none, the feelings should be erased. Like formatting a hard drive when it is infected by a virus.
Then reboot.
Start over.
But in the end, it's your choice anyway: to pursue it or not.
If unable to erase it permanently, just keep it in the recycle bin.
You can always restore it later ;)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Promises to keep
Salam
I've deleted my chatbox and also my slideshow at the end of this page. It doesn't seem to serve any significant purpose.
I'm taking a time out for a while. I feel kinda weird.
There's so many that I have to do, even though sometimes I wish I don't have to.
Here's a beautiful poem from Robert Frost:
Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
I've deleted my chatbox and also my slideshow at the end of this page. It doesn't seem to serve any significant purpose.
I'm taking a time out for a while. I feel kinda weird.
There's so many that I have to do, even though sometimes I wish I don't have to.
Here's a beautiful poem from Robert Frost:
Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Bloodlust
Yesterday I watched the movie Untraceable (2008).
The tagline:
A cyber killer has finally found the perfect accomplice: You
Plot summary:
A secret service agent, Jennifer Marsh, gets caught in a very personal and deadly cat-and-mouse game with a serial killer who knows that people (being what they are - both curious and drawn to the dark side of things) will log onto an "untraceable" website where he conducts violent and painful murders LIVE on the net. The more people who log on and enter the website, the quicker and more violently the victim dies. IMDB
**********************************************************************************
Would you say that humans have a natural hunger for blood?
It is clear throughout history.
Could you justify the Roman culture of live killings and fighting of slaves and gladiators in the arena?
It is nothing but bloodlust.
Maybe then you'll tell me, "c'mon loosen up. Diorang tu jahiliah"
OooOoo...jahiliah.
Then what is the purpose of action movies and thrillers like this one?
If the killings are somehow "soft" remarks like, " ala, tak real la..", "fake", "an insult to my intelligence" are inevitable.
People want to see blood spurting everywhere, pieces of brain matter thrown here and there, massive lethal explosions and death, death, death.
Why people stop and look at road accidents but not many try to help?
Why people discuss other people's affairs, judging them and subjecting them to public scrutiny as if the people they're discussing are not human?
People tell me it is curiosity.
People tell me it is ok if it is for a lesson for us (teladan).
People tell me it is not mengumpat.
But what if it is just that?
What if it is more?
What if the things we discuss with little knowledge that we have made the discussion contaminated by baseless accusations, fitnah?
Jangan perkatakan sesuatu yang kamu tiada pengetahuan tentangnya.
I know that this reads dangerously as being a defense of the killer, but it is not that. I merely seek to understand myself and then proceed to understand others. This trait of humanity got me thinking: Are our basic instincts animalistic?
Like in the movie: even when told that as the number of viewers of that site increases the more violent the tortures would be and the quicker the victim dies, the public still log in to see.
They rationalize their actions by saying that they just look at it for a while only and they did not mean any harm. After all, it is not like they're the actual killer.
The public mob. Who can satisfy them?
They disassociate themselves from any responsibility of the outcome of their cumulative actions.
The killer was pushed to the edge because the public took advantage of his father's suicide by filming it live, broadcasting it in the news and discussing (giving opinions on about the suicide even though the people giving their opinions don't even know his father) the suicide as if his father is not a person, but a subject in the news.
The killer was actually trying to prove a point (that the public is insatiable for the suffering of others), as well as wreak vengeance on those he felt had exploited his father's tragedy. IMDB
I think he has a right to prove his point but his methods are questionable. But hey, he is a nutcase. He can't tell between right, wrong and the blurry lines that separates both.
What's our excuse?
The public mob. Who can satisfy them?
They disassociate themselves from any responsibility of the outcome of their cumulative actions.
The killer was pushed to the edge because the public took advantage of his father's suicide by filming it live, broadcasting it in the news and discussing (giving opinions on about the suicide even though the people giving their opinions don't even know his father) the suicide as if his father is not a person, but a subject in the news.
The killer was actually trying to prove a point (that the public is insatiable for the suffering of others), as well as wreak vengeance on those he felt had exploited his father's tragedy. IMDB
I think he has a right to prove his point but his methods are questionable. But hey, he is a nutcase. He can't tell between right, wrong and the blurry lines that separates both.
What's our excuse?
Light comes after the darkest dawn
This is an email I got from a friend. It touched my heart and I hope it would touch yours too...
However, if any of you discover any discrepancies or any mistakes that could be corrected, please inform me about it.
May Allah protect me and you from all that is wrong and lead us to the light.
An old man's joy
IBN Jarir At-Tabari (d. 310H) narrates:
I was in Makkah during the season of Haj and I saw a man from Khurasan calling out to the people, "Pilgrims, people of Makkah, I have lost a pouch that contains a thousand dinars. So whoever returns the pouch will be rewarded by Allah with good and saved from the Hellfire, and His bounty and favors will be acquired on the Day of Accounting."
An old man from the people of Makkah approached him and said, "Khurasani, our city is in very tough condition, and the days of Haj are few, and its season is appointed, and the doors of profit-making are closed. This money might fall into the hands of a believer who is poor and old in age. Maybe he plans to give it back if you promise that you will give him a little bit of money that is Halal (permissible) for him to use."
The Khurasani asked, "How much does he want?"
"He wants one-tenth of the money."
The Khurasani replied, "No, I will not grant him the money. Instead I will take my case to Allah and complain to Him on the day we meet Him, and Allah is sufficient for us and the best one to trust in."
I realized that it was the old man who was poor, and he was the one who had taken the pouch of dinars and wished to have a little portion of it. So I followed him until he returned to his home. My assumptions were confirmed. I heard him calling onto his wife, "Lubabah!"
She said, "I am at your service, Abu Ghayth."
The old man said, "I found the owner of the dinars calling for it, and he does not intend to give any reward to the person who finds it. I said to him, 'Give us a hundred dinars,' and he refused and said he would take his case to Allah. What should I do, Lubabah? I must return it, for I fear my Lord and I fear that my sin is multiplied."
The wife replied, "Oh man! We have been struggling and suffering from poverty with you for the last 50 years, and you have four daughters, two sisters, my mother and me, and you are the ninth. Keep all the money and feed us, for we are hungry, and clothe us, for you know better our situation. Perhaps Allah the Almighty will make you rich afterwards and you might be able to give the money back after you have fed your children, or Allah will pay the amount you owe on the day when the kingdom will belong to the King (Allah)."
The old exclaimed, "Will I consume Haraam (unlawful) after 86 years of my life, and burn my organs with fire after I have been patient with my poverty, and become worthy of Allah's anger, even though I am close to my grave? No, by Allah, I will not do so!"
I left amazed at his condition and that of his wife.
Later I heard the owner of the pouch calling out again, and the old man repeated his advise. This time he asked for 10 dinars instead of a hundred.
The Khurasani refused.
The people dispersed and left. Later, once again, the Khurasani made the same call.
The old man came again and said, "Khurasani, I said to you the day before yesterday to reward the finder a hundred dinars and you refused. Then I advised you to give him ten dinars and you refused. So will you give only one dinar so that he can buy with half of it things he needs and with the other half sheep's milk so that he can give to the people and feed his children?"
The Khurasani again refused.
The old man said angrily, "Come and take your money so that I can sleep at night, for I have not been in a good mood ever since I found this money."
So the old man went with the owner of the money and I followed them until the old man entered his house, dug a hole, and pulled out the money and said, "Take your money and ask Allah to forgive me and bless me from His bounty."
The Khurasani then said, "Old man, my father died — may Allah have mercy on him — and left behind three thousand dinars and said to me, 'Take out a third of this money and give it to a person from the people who is most deserving of it.'
By Allah, I have not seen a person since I left Khurasan until now, who is more worthy of it than you. So take it, may Allah's blessing be upon you, and may He reward you for the trust you kept and your patience during poverty."
The Khurasani man left without the money.
The old man wept and prayed, "May Allah bless the owner of the money in his grave, and may Allah bless his son."
I left after the Khurasani but Abu Ghayth, the old man, brought me back. He said, "I have seen you following me since the first day; you have come to know of our situation yesterday and today. So this is a gift from Allah to all those attending."
The old man called his daughters, his sisters, and his wife and her mother, and sat down and made me sit down. We were 10. The old man gave out the dinars one by one in order until he reached me and said, "Here is a dinar." The process continued until the bag was empty and I received a hundred dinars.
So joy filled my heart because of the provision they received, more than the joy I had because I received a hundred dinars.
When I was leaving the old man said, "Young man, you are blessed. Keep this money with you, for it is Halal. And know that I used to wake up for Fajr Prayer with this wet shirt. After I was done I would take it off and give it to my daughters so that they could pray, one by one. Then I would go to work between Zuhr Prayer and Asr Prayer and then I would come back at the end of the day with what Allah has given me of dates and dry pieces of bread. Then I would take off my clothes for my daughters and they would pray Zhuhr and
`Asr, and the same would happen for the Maghrib and `Isha' Prayers. And we did not ever expect to see this kind of money. So may Allah make us make good use of them, and may Allah bless the person in his grave and multiply the reward for him."
So I told him goodbye and took the hundred dinars and used them to write knowledge for two years. I used it to buy paper and pay rent, and after 16 years I returned to Makkah and inquired about the old man. I was told that he had died a few months after the incident that occurred between us. His wife had died, along with her mother and his two sisters. The only ones that remained were the daughters, who, I found upon asking, were married to kings and princes. I dropped by and they honored me as a guest and treated me kindly until they died also. So May Allah bless them in their graves.
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him..." *(Qur'an, 65:2-3).
However, if any of you discover any discrepancies or any mistakes that could be corrected, please inform me about it.
May Allah protect me and you from all that is wrong and lead us to the light.
An old man's joy
IBN Jarir At-Tabari (d. 310H) narrates:
I was in Makkah during the season of Haj and I saw a man from Khurasan calling out to the people, "Pilgrims, people of Makkah, I have lost a pouch that contains a thousand dinars. So whoever returns the pouch will be rewarded by Allah with good and saved from the Hellfire, and His bounty and favors will be acquired on the Day of Accounting."
An old man from the people of Makkah approached him and said, "Khurasani, our city is in very tough condition, and the days of Haj are few, and its season is appointed, and the doors of profit-making are closed. This money might fall into the hands of a believer who is poor and old in age. Maybe he plans to give it back if you promise that you will give him a little bit of money that is Halal (permissible) for him to use."
The Khurasani asked, "How much does he want?"
"He wants one-tenth of the money."
The Khurasani replied, "No, I will not grant him the money. Instead I will take my case to Allah and complain to Him on the day we meet Him, and Allah is sufficient for us and the best one to trust in."
I realized that it was the old man who was poor, and he was the one who had taken the pouch of dinars and wished to have a little portion of it. So I followed him until he returned to his home. My assumptions were confirmed. I heard him calling onto his wife, "Lubabah!"
She said, "I am at your service, Abu Ghayth."
The old man said, "I found the owner of the dinars calling for it, and he does not intend to give any reward to the person who finds it. I said to him, 'Give us a hundred dinars,' and he refused and said he would take his case to Allah. What should I do, Lubabah? I must return it, for I fear my Lord and I fear that my sin is multiplied."
The wife replied, "Oh man! We have been struggling and suffering from poverty with you for the last 50 years, and you have four daughters, two sisters, my mother and me, and you are the ninth. Keep all the money and feed us, for we are hungry, and clothe us, for you know better our situation. Perhaps Allah the Almighty will make you rich afterwards and you might be able to give the money back after you have fed your children, or Allah will pay the amount you owe on the day when the kingdom will belong to the King (Allah)."
The old exclaimed, "Will I consume Haraam (unlawful) after 86 years of my life, and burn my organs with fire after I have been patient with my poverty, and become worthy of Allah's anger, even though I am close to my grave? No, by Allah, I will not do so!"
I left amazed at his condition and that of his wife.
Later I heard the owner of the pouch calling out again, and the old man repeated his advise. This time he asked for 10 dinars instead of a hundred.
The Khurasani refused.
The people dispersed and left. Later, once again, the Khurasani made the same call.
The old man came again and said, "Khurasani, I said to you the day before yesterday to reward the finder a hundred dinars and you refused. Then I advised you to give him ten dinars and you refused. So will you give only one dinar so that he can buy with half of it things he needs and with the other half sheep's milk so that he can give to the people and feed his children?"
The Khurasani again refused.
The old man said angrily, "Come and take your money so that I can sleep at night, for I have not been in a good mood ever since I found this money."
So the old man went with the owner of the money and I followed them until the old man entered his house, dug a hole, and pulled out the money and said, "Take your money and ask Allah to forgive me and bless me from His bounty."
The Khurasani then said, "Old man, my father died — may Allah have mercy on him — and left behind three thousand dinars and said to me, 'Take out a third of this money and give it to a person from the people who is most deserving of it.'
By Allah, I have not seen a person since I left Khurasan until now, who is more worthy of it than you. So take it, may Allah's blessing be upon you, and may He reward you for the trust you kept and your patience during poverty."
The Khurasani man left without the money.
The old man wept and prayed, "May Allah bless the owner of the money in his grave, and may Allah bless his son."
I left after the Khurasani but Abu Ghayth, the old man, brought me back. He said, "I have seen you following me since the first day; you have come to know of our situation yesterday and today. So this is a gift from Allah to all those attending."
The old man called his daughters, his sisters, and his wife and her mother, and sat down and made me sit down. We were 10. The old man gave out the dinars one by one in order until he reached me and said, "Here is a dinar." The process continued until the bag was empty and I received a hundred dinars.
So joy filled my heart because of the provision they received, more than the joy I had because I received a hundred dinars.
When I was leaving the old man said, "Young man, you are blessed. Keep this money with you, for it is Halal. And know that I used to wake up for Fajr Prayer with this wet shirt. After I was done I would take it off and give it to my daughters so that they could pray, one by one. Then I would go to work between Zuhr Prayer and Asr Prayer and then I would come back at the end of the day with what Allah has given me of dates and dry pieces of bread. Then I would take off my clothes for my daughters and they would pray Zhuhr and
`Asr, and the same would happen for the Maghrib and `Isha' Prayers. And we did not ever expect to see this kind of money. So may Allah make us make good use of them, and may Allah bless the person in his grave and multiply the reward for him."
So I told him goodbye and took the hundred dinars and used them to write knowledge for two years. I used it to buy paper and pay rent, and after 16 years I returned to Makkah and inquired about the old man. I was told that he had died a few months after the incident that occurred between us. His wife had died, along with her mother and his two sisters. The only ones that remained were the daughters, who, I found upon asking, were married to kings and princes. I dropped by and they honored me as a guest and treated me kindly until they died also. So May Allah bless them in their graves.
"...And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allâh, then He will suffice him..." *(Qur'an, 65:2-3).
Monday, November 03, 2008
Yearning to get away
Slm..
I noticed something about me that I never realized before..and I am unsure what it means to me as a person...
It's like this: If the actions/words or anything of another person hurt me, my family or my friends then I'll be prejudiced to react negatively to this person or anything associated to that person.
Basically, if I don't like you then anything you do, say or write would get the same treatment. I won't give it my time of day to even consider what's coming from you might be right or make sense. You could be forwarding me cute beneficial emails but I can't stand to read it. You might as well giving me a sermon but I would be suspicious of your intentions. All of it feels hypocritical.
But this only happens when I've given ample time to consider where that person stand. I try to hold a positive view of people: even when all around people say bad things, I stick around and see if it is true and only change my views whenever those things affect me personally. I don't jump to conclusion often, I consciously try to do this because this doesn't come natural to me [constant upgrading of self..huhuhu I am still sadly a beta version, far from complete]. I am, after all, a firm believer of second chances. Even third, fourth or fifth chance if that person deserve it. But anymore than that, sorry and goodbye because you're making a fool of me.
Maybe. Or this is just another emotional defense mechanism.
I think this is an unfavorable and potentially damaging trait to have. I stand to lose so much if I let misguided preconceptions lead the way I go through life.
Got to control this!
Leave it all to the Almighty because my small self can't handle it.
This thought alone gives me strength. I leave the matter to Allah as I don't want to think about it.
Right now, I want to finish my project ASAP so that I could get away from here.
Right now, I'm yearning to move on.
I noticed something about me that I never realized before..and I am unsure what it means to me as a person...
It's like this: If the actions/words or anything of another person hurt me, my family or my friends then I'll be prejudiced to react negatively to this person or anything associated to that person.
Basically, if I don't like you then anything you do, say or write would get the same treatment. I won't give it my time of day to even consider what's coming from you might be right or make sense. You could be forwarding me cute beneficial emails but I can't stand to read it. You might as well giving me a sermon but I would be suspicious of your intentions. All of it feels hypocritical.
But this only happens when I've given ample time to consider where that person stand. I try to hold a positive view of people: even when all around people say bad things, I stick around and see if it is true and only change my views whenever those things affect me personally. I don't jump to conclusion often, I consciously try to do this because this doesn't come natural to me [constant upgrading of self..huhuhu I am still sadly a beta version, far from complete]. I am, after all, a firm believer of second chances. Even third, fourth or fifth chance if that person deserve it. But anymore than that, sorry and goodbye because you're making a fool of me.
Fool me once, shame on youDoes this mean that I am a tad emotional?
Fool me twice, shame on me
Maybe. Or this is just another emotional defense mechanism.
I think this is an unfavorable and potentially damaging trait to have. I stand to lose so much if I let misguided preconceptions lead the way I go through life.
Got to control this!
Leave it all to the Almighty because my small self can't handle it.
This thought alone gives me strength. I leave the matter to Allah as I don't want to think about it.
Right now, I want to finish my project ASAP so that I could get away from here.
Right now, I'm yearning to move on.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Making a mark in world: Stand up
I'm shocked by the ignorance...check out this link, particularly the comments after the article:
The Truth About Muslims in America
So what are we going to do?
...but before that, do you care at all this is happening?
Are you just going to sit there, yapping away about all the injustices of the world, declining to vote because you think all politicians are doomed to hell anyway and just go about your life, distancing yourself from the world just because you can't stand it?
Please, go away.
You don't earn the right to do anything because you stand up for nothing.
You are like a balloon, big but just full of air. You burst when provoked, produce a loud bang but then there is nothing. It's like you never existed.
Everyone keeps talkingYou're just satisfied with what you have now, thinking that "yeah, that's enough" and never even tried to do something more because you're too satisfied and proud of who and what you are now?
They promise you everything
But they don't mean anything
Or if you are affected by the events, you just give it a thought for 2 seconds or so and then revert back to your daily lives?
Or if you're more than that, you're sad and determined to do something about it but then you take a step back, look at the bumpy road ahead and say to yourself, "can I do it? Is it my destiny? Maybe other people who are better than me will come and do it..." after which you just shrug your shoulders, "Ah, well..." and then walk away without a second thought. All the time thinking that you've made the right decision.
Move your hands in circles...sorry to burst your bubble but you're dead wrong.
Keeping me hypnotized
The power behind your eyes
Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky
You should be here tonight
But you stay alone and cry
If you can see, you can do something. If you can talk, then you can do something. If you can walk, then you should do something.
C'mon, get real. Of course there are people better than you. MAYBE they'll do the job better but are you just going to sit around and wait? What if the better person came but it was already too late to do anything?
During that that time, who'll take blame? Who'll shoulder the responsibility of a lost chance?
Maybe you're thinking, why am I so angry anyway?
I am surprised and a bit scared of the ignorance plaguing the world in general (muslims and non-muslims alike).
The most dangerous thing is a wannabe hero that thinks he knows everything but in fact know only distorted truths.
A hero that live only for the masses. Feeding the fear because that is what makes them heroes.
Truth have no value because it'll give no profit or gain.
I keep thinking, what times are we living in now?
And could it be worse in the future?
Maybe, if the young generation now are still ignorant and have no desire to see truth triumph.
Remember: keeping silent won't make the problem go away.
Don't undermine your own ability.
If you believe, that alone would give you strength to go on.
Say goodbye, these days are goneDon't let anyone make a fool of you. If you do nothing, they'll think it's ok. Don't just be patient and hold on. Fight!
And we can't keep holding on
When all we need is some relief
Through these hard times
(whoa) There's something missing
(Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you
(Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone
When it's gone
...and then hold on. Hold on with all your might.
***********************************************************************************
Some of you may think, "Ah, another with their heads in the clouds."
I am not a dreamer.
I just believe.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Unrequited love is love incomplete
Lyrics | Kukatakan Dengan Indah lyrics
This song is for the broken and lost...
They fall in and out of love so hard that they never knew what hit them. All they know is that they are left with an ache in their hearts and a confused feeling.
These people are like innocent prisoners trapped in an underground dungeon; alone, afraid and forgotten.When they were finally released from the trappings of love, they walked out with a slight limp and shading their eyes from the glares of the sun they hadn't seen in years. Freedom is now foreign to them, they do not know what to do with it. Looking down the long road ahead, they know that they have to let go and start again. Praying incessantly that they wouldn't fall into the dark dungeon again...
Who are the people responsible for sentencing these poor souls to prison? Rather, they are more like irresponsible people. These people do not realize that their words and actions carry weight.They don't mean to make you love them, it's just something they do. They dance through life day by day, never realizing that they are trampling on the lives of others. It is not like they want to be like that. As they say, ignorance is bliss. What you don't know won't hurt you. When they finally realized what they've done, it is often too late. The other is already broken.
For me, ignorance is not an excuse. You can't say simply, "Oh, I didn't mean it that way" or "So sorry, didn't realize you felt that way". The minute you say that, you are saying that the other party is a poor judge of the situation.You got to respect others. Be responsible. Please do not start something you know you can't finish. Life is not a simple game. You can't lose and start over. Surely, if it is then the game would have been banned right now, considering how many lives it had claimed under the name of love.
I think it is hard for someone to not notice that somebody is vying for their hearts. As Dr Fadzilah Kamsah once said, "If someone loves you, you'll know". If you know that someone is waiting for you, please do not let them wait forever. Who are you to make them wait? You think you're that great, huh? Let them go so that could let you go too. Often people don't know what to do so they just let the people who love them be, never giving an indication of what the true situation is. They hide under the excuse, "I don't want to hurt him/her" or "Maybe if I ignore him/her long enough, they'll forget."
So immature. So unrealistic. You're only making it worse.
Like the character in Jerry Maguire, "If you don't love her, you got to tell her".
Ultimately, you are not truthful. You are not to be trusted with something so precious like a heart anymore. You just can't handle the enormity of the task.
Like I always say, a heart is essentially an amanah. If you can't uphold the amanah, you should not take it in the first place or you would have to answer for it in the afterlife.
But, my friend, if you really did not realize that someone loves you, then it is another story. If it is not intentional, then it is okay. It is still not right, but just okay. But bear in mind that once you realize it, you have to make a decision: to accept or not. Either way, you should do it gently and with respect. Then only you are worthy of love.
Now I think I know why some people hide their feelings. They're afraid they'll be rejected, they're afraid that they'll look stupid [ya..I know this part...]. For me the saying "It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" is bull. I reject it. Rather, for me this quote summarizes it beautifully:
"Love is like playing a deck of cards. If the other person knows what card you're holding, then they control how the game will end"
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Kosong kontang
Slm
...terasa seperti tidak ada apa-apa. Kosong.
Nak bercakap pun, seperti tiada apa yg bagus untuk dikongsikan.
..perasaan kosong bukanlah sesuatu yang pelik. Banyak je yang berperasaan serupa.
So kenapa la tulis kan? Habiskan masa saja.
Kosong, tapi semacam ada rasa untuk diisi dengan sesuatu.
Rasa hati yang kosong menandakan jiwa yang kontang jugakah?
Seperti bumi yang dilimpahi sinar matahari terlalu lama hingga merekah tanahnya. Sikit saja diusik, tanah itu roboh kerana ia rapuh.
Kenapa mencari jauh-jauh untuk simbahan rahmat yang menyejukkan?
Tiada ditempat lain.
Cuma,
Dongaklah keatas, tadahlah tangan.
Itu saja.
...terasa seperti tidak ada apa-apa. Kosong.
Nak bercakap pun, seperti tiada apa yg bagus untuk dikongsikan.
..perasaan kosong bukanlah sesuatu yang pelik. Banyak je yang berperasaan serupa.
So kenapa la tulis kan? Habiskan masa saja.
Kosong, tapi semacam ada rasa untuk diisi dengan sesuatu.
Rasa hati yang kosong menandakan jiwa yang kontang jugakah?
Seperti bumi yang dilimpahi sinar matahari terlalu lama hingga merekah tanahnya. Sikit saja diusik, tanah itu roboh kerana ia rapuh.
Kenapa mencari jauh-jauh untuk simbahan rahmat yang menyejukkan?
Tiada ditempat lain.
Cuma,
Dongaklah keatas, tadahlah tangan.
Itu saja.
Words of a Nobel Laureate
On Being a Scientist: A Personal View
by John C. Polanyi*
1986 Nobel Laureate in Chemistry
12 March 2001
Doing Science
Science never gives up searching for truth, since it never claims to have achieved it. It is civilizing because it puts truth ahead of all else, including personal interests. These are grand claims, but so is the enterprise in which scientists share. How do we encourage the civilizing effects of science? First, we have to understand science.
Scientia is knowledge. It is only in the popular mind that it is equated with facts. That is of course flattering, since facts are incontrovertible. But it is also demeaning, since facts are meaningless. They contain no narrative.
Science, by contrast, is story-telling. This is evident in the way we use our primary scientific instrument, the eye. The eye searches for shapes. It searches for a beginning, a middle, and an end.
What we see is as a consequence, culturally conditioned. This is open to misunderstanding. It might be construed to mean that our conclusions are simply a matter of taste, which they are not. Though we explore in a culturally-conditioned way, the reality we sketch is universal. It is this, at its most basic, that makes science a humane pursuit; it acknowledges the commonality of people's experience.
This in turn, implies a commonality of human worth. If we treasure our own experience and regard it as real, we must also treasure other people's experience. Reality is no less precious if it presents itself to someone else. All are discoverers, and if we disenfranchise any, all suffer.
It is important that we reflect upon our craft, since our understanding of science will inform public policy towards it – 'science policy' as it is called. For example, if seeing is a skill, then we should rely on those who have that skill to determine what science we do.
In Canada, we routinely offend against this principle. We have, for example, numerous 'Centres of Excellence' because we recognize that the skill on which discovery depends is possessed by a few. But then we proceed in evaluating such centres, to give only a legislated twenty percent weight to 'excellence'. A preposterous eighty percent is reserved for considerations having to do with 'socio-economic worth'.
Our assessment of socio-economic worth is largely a sham. We scientists should not lend ourselves to it - though we routinely do. We should, instead, insist on applying the criterion of quality. That this criterion is real, is evidenced by the awesome success of science – peer-reviewed science – in this century.
Have we failed, as scientists, to explain science? Seemingly. Have we, too often, kept silent because we thought it expedient? Undoubtedly.
Being a CitizenThough neglectful of their responsibility to protect science, scientists are increasingly aware of their responsibility to society. But what is this responsibility?
Some dreamers demand that scientists only discover things that can be used for good. That is impossible. Science gives us a powerful vocabulary, and it is impossible to produce a vocabulary with which one can only say nice things.
Others think it the responsibility of scientists to coerce the rest of society, because they have the power that derives from special knowledge. But scientists, like any other group, are not permitted to seize the levers of power. Nor should they be blamed for failing to do so. They must work through democratic channels. Anything else would be incredible arrogance.
What responsibilities remain? Plenty. Scientists are only beginning to come to terms with them.
In the time that I have been a scientist, I have seen huge changes in our perception of these responsibilities. Let me give some examples.
In the late 1950s a major topic under discussion was whether Canada should acquire nuclear weapons. The United States was trying to get Canada to do the decent thing, and arm itself with nukes. The weapons were, after all, for the defense of North America.
Individual scientists like myself – and many more conspicuous – pointed to the dangers of radioactive fallout over Canada if we were to launch nuclear weapons to intercept incoming bombers. On the face of it, this was technical advice. But more truthfully it was a philosophical position. We chose to make our calculations concerning fall-out because we were opposed to the acquisition of nuclear weapons; not the reverse.
I do not mean to discount the technical element. I merely want to stress (as I did in the context of discovery) that what the scientist sees is influenced by what he believes.
Much the same applied to the next public debate, which had to do with nuclear fall-out shelters. Technical arguments were once more advanced (by myself, among others) to illustrate the absurdity of sheltering a nation from a determined nuclear attack. At a deeper level, however, we were objecting to an outlook according to which security was to be found in the life of a troglodyte.
We were appalled by the abandonment of attempts at coexistence in favour of the life of a mole. Better to die in the pursuit of civilized values, we believed, than in a flight underground. We were offering a value system couched in the language of science.
Around 1970 my scientist friends in the U.S. indoctrinated me in a fresh question of policy. In the war in Vietnam, the United States was using herbicides (Agent Orange) and a tear gas (CS2). This could well be construed as being in contravention of the Geneva Protocol, which for almost half a century had banned the use of chemical weapons. It was, at that date, one of the few instruments of international law regulating the use of weapons, and was correspondingly precious.
I went off to see our Ministers of Defence and of Foreign Affairs, as well as the Prime Minister. God knows how I got into their offices, but I did. They gave me a hard time – as was proper – protesting, "these things are used for killing weeds and for riot control; how can you say they are weapons of war?" The answer was that when employed to prosecute a war, they had become weapons of war. They were being used to expose the enemy, so as to kill him.
One does not need to be a chemist to make that point. But it helps to come from a community with a commitment to objectivity, and a degree of independence from special interests. Under this scientific and moral pressure, the Canadian government conceded publicly that the use of these weapons in Vietnam was, in their view, a contravention of the Geneva Protocol. The government of the United States was not pleased.
What we in the scientific community were seeking, in our idealism, was a world ruled by law. The moral force that we brought to this debate derived from our membership in an international community ruled by law – albeit unwritten law. For without the acceptance and enforcement of standards of probity, there would be no functioning scientific community.
And without steps being taken to widen this realm of rule-based co-operation, beyond the narrow bounds of science and similar professions, there will be anarchy leading ultimately to all-out war. But technology had made such war intolerable. The solution is to be found not in more technology, but in less war.
When in March 1983 President Reagan announced the Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI), popularly known as Star Wars, this issue was clearly joined. President Reagan was offering a technical fix to the threat of nuclear war. The SDI, he made it clear, was to be the scientist's antidote to the nuclear poison. However, in the process of distributing this illusory antidote, we were to abandon the only genuine defence against nuclear missiles, which lay as it still lies, in institutionalised restraint.
The SDI was an invitation to a new arms race; one in nuclear-shields which would proceed in parallel to the continuing arms race in swords. With missile-defences back in the news today, this is a lesson to remember.
In the course of these political struggles, scientists became increasingly aware of themselves as an international non-governmental organization. This NGO bases itself, I claim, not primarily on its technical expertise but on its moral tenets. In science, we have a group of individuals supporting one another, world-wide, in an endeavour whose success depends upon placing the truth ahead of personal advantage.
Not all succeed in doing this, but all are agreed in its necessity. In science, truth must take precedence not only over individual advantage, but also over 'group advantage' – sectional interests such as nationality, creed or ethnicity.
This assertion of higher purpose has made scientists (and all scholars) supporters of human rights. Our championing of human rights puts to rest the notion that what we are offering is primarily technical expertise. Technical expertise has nothing directly to do with human rights. It is once more the moral force of science – evident in such individuals as Einstein, Russell, Pauling, and Sakharov – that makes it effective.
Our community's voyage of self-discovery is not over. I believe that it will lead us to a more active support of democracy, wherever it is threatened.
That notion would have seemed preposterous when I began my life as a scientist. But no longer. Today, Academies of Science use their influence around the world in support of human rights. They should do the same for democracy, for the death of democracy is the death of free enquiry. The bell tolls for us.
*This article was published previously in The Globe and Mail (Canada), 29 April 2000 issue.From: http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/chemistry/articles/polanyi/index.html
Sunday, October 26, 2008
When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is UP
Lyrics | Face Down lyrics
Honestly, I think men nowadays don't have a clue as to how to treat a woman.
Don't they know that when a woman tells you she loves you, that is the hardest thing she ever had to say? When they tell you that, they are really giving away part of their heart (if not all of it) for you to decide what to do with it. Will you throw it away like dirt if you don't want it? Will you break it gently to her that you couldn't take it? Would you trash her in your blog? Will you just keep mum about it, pretending it never happened?....or if you DO want it, will treat her as she needed to be treated?
Or worse, you're unsure whether you want it or not. Then you hang around just because it is convenient for you. You whisper sweet empty words to her, just so that she build her whole life around you. But because all your actions did not come from the heart, you take her for granted. You push her around, hit her like a punchbag because you know she'll stay with you.
But for how long?
Like in the song, the woman has so fallen for this guy. Even if we all go and shout at her ear that the guy is a good-for-nothing dirt bag, she'll never listen. He is her whole life, you see.
In truth, I am puzzled that she doesn't see the guy as who he really is. Why is she so stupid to fall for a guy like that?
Is that what love can do to you?
God help us if it is.
Let me tell you a story.
I know this girl since high school. Back then, she's like the sunshine. Happy, carefree and a good friend. After high school, we separated and went our own ways. Occasionally we sms each other, see each other profiles in Friendster, the usual thing. I never suspected something was wrong.
But then, during my final year at university, she sent me an sms out of the blue, saying that I should check my mail as she sent me something.
What I read there, I never saw it coming.
She told me that she's been married for 2 years and already have a child. The reason that she contacted me was to say that one day when she came home from work, she caught her husband on their marriage bed naked with another woman. She's lost and don't know what to do.
...I was beyond stunned.
I tried knocking some sense into her..trying to be there when she needs me. I don't know why she told me, I don't know how to handle these things but I tried.
What I don't understand is that she is willing to forgive him. She's willing to return back to him not because of the child, but because she "loves" him.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm all for forgiveness. I know it's good to forgive and forget but somehow this doesn't seem to apply.
I think her husband don't even love her by the way that she treats her: he doesn't work, doesn't pay the rent, he just stays at home while my friend had to juggle between classes, part time job every night and her child. When she comes home every night her husband expect to be with his wife even though she's tired. Can you believe it? Sorry, but that sound nothing like an ideal marriage. It sounds more like parasitism.
Why does she stay? True, he doesn't hit her physically. But he is destroying her emotionally and mentally. My friend doesn't believe she'll ever be loved again, that she is unloveable. That is why she hold on to him even though he hurt her so bad.
I pity her but I don't know what to do.
...This story happened years ago and I heard that she is now divorced. My friend did not leave him, he left her for the girl on the bed.
My friend when I contacted her is still pining for him. Still saying that she loves him.
When I told her that she must forget him and move on, she got so mad. She's like a different person.
Until now I don't know what happened to her.
For me I think that maybe it is just as well that she is divorced. At least she now have no choice but to move on. It is a different kind of justice. Maybe in time my friend would find faith in herself again and be stronger as ever. I hope that life will work out for her. I hope she'll realize that she finally had enough.
Face down in the dirtYes, I do hope for the best. Tomorrow is another day, we can all start over again.
She said "This doesn't hurt!"
She said "I finally had enough!"
Friday, October 24, 2008
Apa yang dimulakan, perlu dihabiskan
Slm...
Terfikir sesuatu..kenapa sangat susah nak habiskan buku Ayat-ayat Cinta?
POyo x kalau cakap yang bukannya xde masa, bukannya malas, tapi diri ni macam berat je nak habiskan...
In truth, I've seen the movie. I am not at all satisfied with it because the storyline at the beginning is too slow and failed to hold attention much as it was quite boring. However, the story picked up pace after Fahri married Aisha. In a nutshell, the movie's not half bad. The movie sure have its moments where the sparkle of brilliance shone but then it sizzled out into nothing. For me, the movie is not complex at all but it attempt to deal with some very serious issues, it's like butter that's spread out too thin..trying its best to cover the whole bread. In the movie, the characters do not have the chance to develop and leave a mark and the issues tackled are not explored fully.
These are all the reasons why I thought that finishing the book is of paramount importance.
But I couldn't!
Hmm....kenapa ye? Padahal buku tu bukan tebal pun.
Macam ni lah, sebenarnye susah nak habiskan sebab expectation terhadap buku tu terlalu tinggi. Ramai orang yang dah baca, semua suruh aku baca.
"Bacalah Lisa, sure ko suke"
"Akak taknak bagitau cerita tu macam mana, Lisa bacalah, akak rasa sure Lisa suke"
...dan yang paling best:
"Lisa, aku xtau la kenapa tapi bila aku baca buku ni aku teringat kat kau. Bacalah!"
..n orang yang mengatakan ayat mencurigakan diatas telah menghadiahkan aku buku tersebut. Jadi, sebab banyak beno orang rekemen, aku pun google la. Memang hebat sampai dikatakan seperti sebuah fenomena. Betapa banyak orang yang terkesan dengan buku ini? Sangat banyak.
...
Boleh tak kalau aku katakan aku takut kalau-kalau aku pun terkesan?
Aku bukannya imun. Aku bukannya hati batu... [maybe lebih kepada hati ais batu kot, konon je teguh dingin, tapi sikit-sikit tanpa orang sedari, hati mencair sedikit demi sedikit... :P].
Takut pada kesannya!
Memanglah, ceritanya tentang cinta berlandaskan Islam. Ia bukan novel cinta kosong.
Tapi..
Hati wanita, sering berbolak-balik. Rapuh dan teguh pada waktu yang sama. Hati wanita boleh tahan bebanan yang tidak tersangka boleh ditahannya tapi boleh hancur kerana sekecil- kecil perkara yang memberi kesan padanya.
Takut aku jatuh!
Takut aku akan mahu sesuatu yang tak mungkin aku dapatkan.
Jadi, biarlah buku itu disitu. Aku akan baca, tapi...tak tahulah habis bila.
Apa yang pasti ialah jika sudah tersuratkan untuk terjadi, maka akan terjadi. Halang atau lari, takkan boleh sembunyi dari takdir. Redha, sabar dan syukur, itulah sebenarnya yang perlu sekarang. Keyakinan terhadap masa depan yang masih rahsia...kalaupun ia ada.
Terfikir sesuatu..kenapa sangat susah nak habiskan buku Ayat-ayat Cinta?
POyo x kalau cakap yang bukannya xde masa, bukannya malas, tapi diri ni macam berat je nak habiskan...
In truth, I've seen the movie. I am not at all satisfied with it because the storyline at the beginning is too slow and failed to hold attention much as it was quite boring. However, the story picked up pace after Fahri married Aisha. In a nutshell, the movie's not half bad. The movie sure have its moments where the sparkle of brilliance shone but then it sizzled out into nothing. For me, the movie is not complex at all but it attempt to deal with some very serious issues, it's like butter that's spread out too thin..trying its best to cover the whole bread. In the movie, the characters do not have the chance to develop and leave a mark and the issues tackled are not explored fully.
These are all the reasons why I thought that finishing the book is of paramount importance.
But I couldn't!
Hmm....kenapa ye? Padahal buku tu bukan tebal pun.
Macam ni lah, sebenarnye susah nak habiskan sebab expectation terhadap buku tu terlalu tinggi. Ramai orang yang dah baca, semua suruh aku baca.
"Bacalah Lisa, sure ko suke"
"Akak taknak bagitau cerita tu macam mana, Lisa bacalah, akak rasa sure Lisa suke"
...dan yang paling best:
"Lisa, aku xtau la kenapa tapi bila aku baca buku ni aku teringat kat kau. Bacalah!"
..n orang yang mengatakan ayat mencurigakan diatas telah menghadiahkan aku buku tersebut. Jadi, sebab banyak beno orang rekemen, aku pun google la. Memang hebat sampai dikatakan seperti sebuah fenomena. Betapa banyak orang yang terkesan dengan buku ini? Sangat banyak.
...
Boleh tak kalau aku katakan aku takut kalau-kalau aku pun terkesan?
Aku bukannya imun. Aku bukannya hati batu... [maybe lebih kepada hati ais batu kot, konon je teguh dingin, tapi sikit-sikit tanpa orang sedari, hati mencair sedikit demi sedikit... :P].
Takut pada kesannya!
Memanglah, ceritanya tentang cinta berlandaskan Islam. Ia bukan novel cinta kosong.
Tapi..
Hati wanita, sering berbolak-balik. Rapuh dan teguh pada waktu yang sama. Hati wanita boleh tahan bebanan yang tidak tersangka boleh ditahannya tapi boleh hancur kerana sekecil- kecil perkara yang memberi kesan padanya.
Takut aku jatuh!
Takut aku akan mahu sesuatu yang tak mungkin aku dapatkan.
Jadi, biarlah buku itu disitu. Aku akan baca, tapi...tak tahulah habis bila.
Apa yang pasti ialah jika sudah tersuratkan untuk terjadi, maka akan terjadi. Halang atau lari, takkan boleh sembunyi dari takdir. Redha, sabar dan syukur, itulah sebenarnya yang perlu sekarang. Keyakinan terhadap masa depan yang masih rahsia...kalaupun ia ada.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
What about now?
"What About Now"
Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
I think this song is about the trust in a relationship.
The big question is: what if?
I think the song is about a couple that's been in love for a long time, so long that both are already showing their true colors. However, because they've known each other for a long time simple but important words like "sorry", "I love you", "can I?", "would you?" are not considered a necessity anymore. They tend to forget that in truth the other person is still human, full of emotions and perceptions.
It is easy to trample on the hearts of the one you love just because you think they have to stand it, they have to endure it as they are indeed your true love and have to accept you no matter what, no questions asked [this is also true for family members..why is it easy to hurt the ones you love most? sad-but-oh-so-true kinda thing..huhuhu].
This creates a quiet tension. Hurt feelings are not spoken, but stored deep in the heart until it aches every time you breathe. The hurt spread like a cancer, slowly but surely fading the love until one day it all burst all at once, making feelings that was once there disappear. Just like that. Its like a big explosion and then a sudden deathly silence.
The love that was once great is just not there anymore because the other person is taking you for granted. The person often does not realize it because they do love you but is too selfish to take you in their consideration. They didn't realize they've lost you.
One fine day when they finally realize that you're gone, they're struggling to keep the love alive, trying to mend past mistakes because they know that if they let go, they will lose you forever.
So they'll struggle with all their might to save the relationship.
Eventually it all comes to this: you either want it or you don't.
If you do, then hold on. Hold on with all you have. Pray. Pray because things are always bigger than me and you, bigger than the world.
Sometimes, after a relationship progresses to the next level the initial infatuation that blinds our judgment of a person often pass. We see the real person, we see them as who they really are.
At the same time we see the other person as who he/she is, we are also assessing ourselves.
Is he/she the right one?
Could this be for real?
Will we stand by her/him in facing life?
Would we have the drive to be with her/him in the future?
All this doubts occur in both parties. Both are assessing the other for the potential to make the person truly special in our life. This creates mixed emotions, doubts, distrust.
Not because they don't love you, it's just that in truth they are also trying to find the truth.
So my friend, be strong for the one you love. Love have to be tested to ensure its strength and purity. Hold on and trust the other person. Yeah, it is not easy. Not even remotely so. The situation is like you're falling into an endless abyss blindfold, hoping for all your heart that the one you love and trust would be there to catch your fall. They have to be there..because they're the reason you jumped in the first place. That is why we call it falling in love.
....thank God it's not called crash and burning into love...hehe :P
Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
I think this song is about the trust in a relationship.
The big question is: what if?
I think the song is about a couple that's been in love for a long time, so long that both are already showing their true colors. However, because they've known each other for a long time simple but important words like "sorry", "I love you", "can I?", "would you?" are not considered a necessity anymore. They tend to forget that in truth the other person is still human, full of emotions and perceptions.
It is easy to trample on the hearts of the one you love just because you think they have to stand it, they have to endure it as they are indeed your true love and have to accept you no matter what, no questions asked [this is also true for family members..why is it easy to hurt the ones you love most? sad-but-oh-so-true kinda thing..huhuhu].
This creates a quiet tension. Hurt feelings are not spoken, but stored deep in the heart until it aches every time you breathe. The hurt spread like a cancer, slowly but surely fading the love until one day it all burst all at once, making feelings that was once there disappear. Just like that. Its like a big explosion and then a sudden deathly silence.
The love that was once great is just not there anymore because the other person is taking you for granted. The person often does not realize it because they do love you but is too selfish to take you in their consideration. They didn't realize they've lost you.
One fine day when they finally realize that you're gone, they're struggling to keep the love alive, trying to mend past mistakes because they know that if they let go, they will lose you forever.
What if our love, it never went away?Hope although frail, is hard to die.
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
So they'll struggle with all their might to save the relationship.
Eventually it all comes to this: you either want it or you don't.
If you do, then hold on. Hold on with all you have. Pray. Pray because things are always bigger than me and you, bigger than the world.
Now that we're here,**********************************************************************
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.
Sometimes, after a relationship progresses to the next level the initial infatuation that blinds our judgment of a person often pass. We see the real person, we see them as who they really are.
At the same time we see the other person as who he/she is, we are also assessing ourselves.
Is he/she the right one?
Could this be for real?
Will we stand by her/him in facing life?
Would we have the drive to be with her/him in the future?
All this doubts occur in both parties. Both are assessing the other for the potential to make the person truly special in our life. This creates mixed emotions, doubts, distrust.
Not because they don't love you, it's just that in truth they are also trying to find the truth.
So my friend, be strong for the one you love. Love have to be tested to ensure its strength and purity. Hold on and trust the other person. Yeah, it is not easy. Not even remotely so. The situation is like you're falling into an endless abyss blindfold, hoping for all your heart that the one you love and trust would be there to catch your fall. They have to be there..because they're the reason you jumped in the first place. That is why we call it falling in love.
....thank God it's not called crash and burning into love...hehe :P
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Geram pada diri sendiri
Slm
wah...penatnya minggu ni. Asyik balik malam je..tp diri sendiri masih x puas hati ngan hasil. Kene berusaha dapatkan lebih dari yang sekarang!
Ye la, hajat dihati nak grad cepat-cepat. Kalau tak pun, nak peringkat method development ni selesai.
Rehat [dalam erti kata sebenar-benarnya] hanya bila nyawa meninggalkan jasad.
Sebab bila habis satu perkara, perlulah dimulakan perkara yang lain pula. Macam tu la sampai bila- bila.
Tapi, apa apa hal pun, kene bersederhana. Pandai- pandailah jaga diri, sebab diri pun amanah juga. Percayalah pada hidup.
Inilah antara kesimpulan-kesimpulan yang sendiri dapat putuskan bila membaca Falsafah Hidup oleh Hamka [buku ni pun belum habis baca...bila la nak habiskan semua buku2 tu??].
Cubalah baca, mana tau kesimpulan- kesimpulan kita lain?
Boleh compare notes hehe ;P
****************************************************************************
Usaha, usaha juga. Tapi takkanlah rezeki hanya bergantung pada usaha kita saja?
Kalaulah Allah itu tidak Maha Pemurah dan diberinya sahaja yang setimpal dengan usaha kita, rasanya kita semua ni takkan boleh maju.
Syukurlah kerana Allah itu Maha Pemurah, Maha Pengasih.
Boleh kata ke usaha tu patut dapat sekian, sekian?
Buat satu, minta sejuta.
Kalau rasa boleh cakap macam tu pasal usaha sendiri, memanglah sangat bodoh sombong.
Macam ni la, tanya diri sendiri:
p/s: Maaf atas kelaseranku yang tidak ditujukan pada sapa2 ni. Sebenarnya panahan laser itu untuk diri sendiri supaya sedar..
Dush!
"Aduh! sakitnyeeeeee"
wah...penatnya minggu ni. Asyik balik malam je..tp diri sendiri masih x puas hati ngan hasil. Kene berusaha dapatkan lebih dari yang sekarang!
Ye la, hajat dihati nak grad cepat-cepat. Kalau tak pun, nak peringkat method development ni selesai.
Rehat [dalam erti kata sebenar-benarnya] hanya bila nyawa meninggalkan jasad.
Sebab bila habis satu perkara, perlulah dimulakan perkara yang lain pula. Macam tu la sampai bila- bila.
Tapi, apa apa hal pun, kene bersederhana. Pandai- pandailah jaga diri, sebab diri pun amanah juga. Percayalah pada hidup.
Inilah antara kesimpulan-kesimpulan yang sendiri dapat putuskan bila membaca Falsafah Hidup oleh Hamka [buku ni pun belum habis baca...bila la nak habiskan semua buku2 tu??].
Cubalah baca, mana tau kesimpulan- kesimpulan kita lain?
Boleh compare notes hehe ;P
****************************************************************************
Usaha, usaha juga. Tapi takkanlah rezeki hanya bergantung pada usaha kita saja?
Kalaulah Allah itu tidak Maha Pemurah dan diberinya sahaja yang setimpal dengan usaha kita, rasanya kita semua ni takkan boleh maju.
Syukurlah kerana Allah itu Maha Pemurah, Maha Pengasih.
Boleh kata ke usaha tu patut dapat sekian, sekian?
Buat satu, minta sejuta.
Kalau rasa boleh cakap macam tu pasal usaha sendiri, memanglah sangat bodoh sombong.
Macam ni la, tanya diri sendiri:
Kalau kehadiranmu itu tidak mengganjilkan dan tidak jua menggenapkan, apa dikisah kalau kau ada atau tiada?
p/s: Maaf atas kelaseranku yang tidak ditujukan pada sapa2 ni. Sebenarnya panahan laser itu untuk diri sendiri supaya sedar..
Dush!
"Aduh! sakitnyeeeeee"
Thursday, October 16, 2008
My 2 cents worth
slm
lama rase tak tulis cni..
banyak yg ada difikiran: kdg2 rasa ok je kalo tulis cni, tapi bila fikir panjang sikit...jadi mcm x sesuai plak.
Kadang2 ada perkara yg bagus kalau dibicarakan one-on-one, orang kata "pertemuan dua mata" ..err..ke pertemuan empat mata?
Ada perkara yang bagus dibincang dalam kumpulan kecil.
Ada pula perkara yang baik didiamkan saja.
Kadang2 bila nak tulis, ada satu sikap hati-hati, atau keinginan untuk membina suatu imej tentang diri. Kata- kata dalam blog ini adalah luahan hati si pemikir. Disini tempat semuanya dibentuk dan dijaga agar hasilnya sesuai dengan kemahuan diri.
Tak sama dengan hidup.
Dalam hidup, hal- hal yang terjadi bukan kita penentunya. Memanglah kita memainkan peranan yang besar dalam hidup sendiri (dah nama pun hidup sendiri) tapi outcome yang kita dapat bukan sentiasa seperti apa yang kita mahukan.
Dalam blog ni, kita boleh jadi apa- apa. Your mind will take you anywhere :)
Blog ni bolehlah dikatakan satu escapism dari life yang kadang-kadang bergerak terlalu pantas sampai kita rasa nak berhenti dan jerit, "Time out!"
Sebab tu, kalau orang kata yang melebih-lebih tentang blog kita, tentang perkara-perkara yang kita jaga dan bentuk sendiri ini, sangat menyakitkan.
*******************************************************************************
Setiap orang diuji mengikut kadar kemampuannya. Kemenangan hidup juga tercapai menurut kemampuan. Alam ini diatur dengan sebegitu rupa sehinggakan tiada satu pun yang sia- sia atau tidak perlu. Jangan mengukur diri dengan orang lain, itu takkan boleh adil sebab setiap kita unik.
Kadang- kadang tu hairan bila dengar orang bila bercerita masalah, mesti nak kata yang diri sendirilah yang paling sengsara, paling bermasalah. Untuk apa? Untuk simpati ke? Untuk orang memahami keadaan diri?
Memanglah setiap orang ada masalah masing-masing, tapi dengarkan saja lah. Tak perlu kata yang masalah orang itu lebih kecil berbanding masalah kita. Kita mana tahu betapa besar kesan masalah itu pada dirinya? Apa beban- beban lain yang terpaksa ditanggungnya sampai masalah kecil pun terasa sungguh beratnya?
Macam yang kata tadi, setiap kita unik.
Itu bukan masalah, itu anugerah.
Dijadikan kita berlainan untuk kita berkenal- kenalan.
..err, ni bukan syor untuk masuk ruang berkenalan majalah plak tau, tu da lain maksud tu...
Bagi saya, berkenal- kenalan itu boleh juga diertikan macam cuba bertoleransi sesama kita. Kita mungkin tidak akan mampu memahaminya, hatta diri sendiri pun x faham- faham. Tapi kalau sama- sama cari jalan tengah yang cukup luas untuk selesa dilalui oleh kedua-duanya, itupun alhamdulillah.
....this is what I think anyway.
lama rase tak tulis cni..
banyak yg ada difikiran: kdg2 rasa ok je kalo tulis cni, tapi bila fikir panjang sikit...jadi mcm x sesuai plak.
Kadang2 ada perkara yg bagus kalau dibicarakan one-on-one, orang kata "pertemuan dua mata" ..err..ke pertemuan empat mata?
Ada perkara yang bagus dibincang dalam kumpulan kecil.
Ada pula perkara yang baik didiamkan saja.
Kadang2 bila nak tulis, ada satu sikap hati-hati, atau keinginan untuk membina suatu imej tentang diri. Kata- kata dalam blog ini adalah luahan hati si pemikir. Disini tempat semuanya dibentuk dan dijaga agar hasilnya sesuai dengan kemahuan diri.
Tak sama dengan hidup.
Dalam hidup, hal- hal yang terjadi bukan kita penentunya. Memanglah kita memainkan peranan yang besar dalam hidup sendiri (dah nama pun hidup sendiri) tapi outcome yang kita dapat bukan sentiasa seperti apa yang kita mahukan.
Dalam blog ni, kita boleh jadi apa- apa. Your mind will take you anywhere :)
Blog ni bolehlah dikatakan satu escapism dari life yang kadang-kadang bergerak terlalu pantas sampai kita rasa nak berhenti dan jerit, "Time out!"
Sebab tu, kalau orang kata yang melebih-lebih tentang blog kita, tentang perkara-perkara yang kita jaga dan bentuk sendiri ini, sangat menyakitkan.
*******************************************************************************
Setiap orang diuji mengikut kadar kemampuannya. Kemenangan hidup juga tercapai menurut kemampuan. Alam ini diatur dengan sebegitu rupa sehinggakan tiada satu pun yang sia- sia atau tidak perlu. Jangan mengukur diri dengan orang lain, itu takkan boleh adil sebab setiap kita unik.
Kadang- kadang tu hairan bila dengar orang bila bercerita masalah, mesti nak kata yang diri sendirilah yang paling sengsara, paling bermasalah. Untuk apa? Untuk simpati ke? Untuk orang memahami keadaan diri?
Memanglah setiap orang ada masalah masing-masing, tapi dengarkan saja lah. Tak perlu kata yang masalah orang itu lebih kecil berbanding masalah kita. Kita mana tahu betapa besar kesan masalah itu pada dirinya? Apa beban- beban lain yang terpaksa ditanggungnya sampai masalah kecil pun terasa sungguh beratnya?
Macam yang kata tadi, setiap kita unik.
Itu bukan masalah, itu anugerah.
Dijadikan kita berlainan untuk kita berkenal- kenalan.
..err, ni bukan syor untuk masuk ruang berkenalan majalah plak tau, tu da lain maksud tu...
Bagi saya, berkenal- kenalan itu boleh juga diertikan macam cuba bertoleransi sesama kita. Kita mungkin tidak akan mampu memahaminya, hatta diri sendiri pun x faham- faham. Tapi kalau sama- sama cari jalan tengah yang cukup luas untuk selesa dilalui oleh kedua-duanya, itupun alhamdulillah.
....this is what I think anyway.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Thursday, October 09, 2008
BioMalaysia 2008
BioMalaysia 2008
Kuala Lumpur Convention Center (KLCC)
Great news:
Wanie (one of my labmates) submitted a poster to compete in BioMalaysia as a representative of UiTM, and she won a GOLD medal! hahaha :D Congratulations to Prof Zaki, Dr Teh, Wanie and the rest of the team ;) There's only about 18 medals up for grabs and UiTM managed to bag 2 of them. Power to UiTM! Hahaha
..so don't play- play with UiTM, we mean business ;)
My role in making this dream a reality is just as one of the booth keeper (is that term right? kinda like a zookeeper :p). Anyone, and I mean anyone walk by our booth, then I'll flash them my most briliant smile :)
Other than that, I'm also the self-proclaimed official photographer for the event (at least for my team) eventhough some of the pictures were badly distorted because I didn't use the shake-free function (that's because that function have automatic flash===> the pictures won't look good).
These are some pictures of the event:
...actually during this event I was in shoe hell. My shoes we're killing me! At first I tried to endure it for some time...but it got worse. I was at a point where walking barefoot around KLCC doesn't seem like a bad idea. So I did just that, I removed my shoes and walked barefoot. I just ignored the stares people gave me. After Zuhur prayers, I bought slippers from Guardian Pharmacy and wore that. The stares didn't lessen, but it intensified. I think that was because of the slippers. Those slippers were bright baby blue with bright orange soles...hmm, what d'you expect? those slippers were meant to be worn at the beach, under sunny skies and white sand..not at a modern international shopping complex like KLCC.
But I really didn't give a damn. At least I was out of shoe hell..thank GOD.
When I got back home that night, I was flattened out, limp like a pancake. However, thinking back about it: spending time with my friends and supervisors; I wouldn't trade it for the world :)
Kuala Lumpur Convention Center (KLCC)
Great news:
Wanie (one of my labmates) submitted a poster to compete in BioMalaysia as a representative of UiTM, and she won a GOLD medal! hahaha :D Congratulations to Prof Zaki, Dr Teh, Wanie and the rest of the team ;) There's only about 18 medals up for grabs and UiTM managed to bag 2 of them. Power to UiTM! Hahaha
..so don't play- play with UiTM, we mean business ;)
My role in making this dream a reality is just as one of the booth keeper (is that term right? kinda like a zookeeper :p). Anyone, and I mean anyone walk by our booth, then I'll flash them my most briliant smile :)
Other than that, I'm also the self-proclaimed official photographer for the event (at least for my team) eventhough some of the pictures were badly distorted because I didn't use the shake-free function (that's because that function have automatic flash===> the pictures won't look good).
These are some pictures of the event:
...actually during this event I was in shoe hell. My shoes we're killing me! At first I tried to endure it for some time...but it got worse. I was at a point where walking barefoot around KLCC doesn't seem like a bad idea. So I did just that, I removed my shoes and walked barefoot. I just ignored the stares people gave me. After Zuhur prayers, I bought slippers from Guardian Pharmacy and wore that. The stares didn't lessen, but it intensified. I think that was because of the slippers. Those slippers were bright baby blue with bright orange soles...hmm, what d'you expect? those slippers were meant to be worn at the beach, under sunny skies and white sand..not at a modern international shopping complex like KLCC.
But I really didn't give a damn. At least I was out of shoe hell..thank GOD.
When I got back home that night, I was flattened out, limp like a pancake. However, thinking back about it: spending time with my friends and supervisors; I wouldn't trade it for the world :)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Drive
It has been a great and fulfilling raya for me this year :)
I suspect it's because I'm more involved in things now.
I noticed that after recent events that happened to me, I'm beginning to take charge of my life more.
My life motto as of right now is, "I am RESPONSIBLE for my own HAPPINESS."
This is the song that sums it all:
My aim now is to focus on my research project, finish it all off, get a job, possibly get a husband too (notice that I don't put boyfriend? I think I don't have time for all those things..hish...getting all fed up I guess) and all the while focusing my attention to my family and dear friends.
I think that in the past I'm like a lone dandelion caressed by the wind. When the wind blows right, I'd go right. When the wind blows left, to the left I go.
No more.
I've talked to my Mom, and I think that if I don't get to convert my scholarship, then must try and complete this project as fast as I can, the best that I can.
I hope to get it all done before anything happens to Ayah.
I can only try, and try I will.
Dear Allah,
Please..please let my path be smooth..
It is YOU who knows what's in my heart, may I be bestowed with what is best according to YOUR knowledge.
Amin.
I suspect it's because I'm more involved in things now.
I noticed that after recent events that happened to me, I'm beginning to take charge of my life more.
My life motto as of right now is, "I am RESPONSIBLE for my own HAPPINESS."
This is the song that sums it all:
Drive
by Incubus
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much
I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.
So, if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
Aah-ah-oo-o-o.
It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found.
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeahhh
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...I'll be there.
Would you choose water over wine....hold the wheel and drive?
Whatever tomorrow brings,
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, Yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..I'll be there.
My aim now is to focus on my research project, finish it all off, get a job, possibly get a husband too (notice that I don't put boyfriend? I think I don't have time for all those things..hish...getting all fed up I guess) and all the while focusing my attention to my family and dear friends.
I think that in the past I'm like a lone dandelion caressed by the wind. When the wind blows right, I'd go right. When the wind blows left, to the left I go.
No more.
I've talked to my Mom, and I think that if I don't get to convert my scholarship, then must try and complete this project as fast as I can, the best that I can.
I hope to get it all done before anything happens to Ayah.
I can only try, and try I will.
Dear Allah,
Please..please let my path be smooth..
It is YOU who knows what's in my heart, may I be bestowed with what is best according to YOUR knowledge.
Amin.
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