Tuesday, February 21, 2017

A plea for a way out

In order not to be disappointed, people say just keep your expectations low. What if your expectations of others is low enough but other people's expectations are unreasonably high? Expect this, expect that. Never wanting to hear or even make an attempt to understand your situation as they feel that what they think things should be is the only way there is. The only way. No room for leeway. Such an exasperating situation. I am sad beyond tears. It just weighs in the heart.

Allah..only You can make them understand.
Please Allah, make them understand that I am trying very hard and there is no malice inside my heart. My focus sometimes blind me from their needs but they remind me of it in the most hurtful way.
Allah, make me understand them too..I really am mostly baffled by their actions and their judgment.
Allah..why do you make them so blind toward others?
Sometimes this is too much. Allah..please make for me a way out. It is a stifling situation.
Allah..please help me to act and respond in the best way possible. Grant me wisdom and grace because maybe my edges are too sharp, my words indecipherable, and my disposition disturbing for them?
Allah..show me the best way to correct my ways. I am truly at loss..

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Ikhlas yang kini culas

Habis kudrat mengayuh perahu,
Semangat melihat pulau nun jelas,
Ada hal cuma Tuhan yang tahu:
Jodoh, rezeki, umur dan ikhlas

Orang dipulau meninjau tingkap,
Setia menanti yang dicinta,
Apa perlunya ikhlas disingkap,
Baik menafsir yang jelas ternyata

Sampai dermaga cinta disambut,
Namun hati diganggu curiga,
Walaupun asal kasih bertaut,
Ikhlas diuji rapuh jadinya

Jatuh embun dihujung dahan,
Tidak diendah walau dipesan,
Hakikat ikhlas ilmunya Tuhan,
Mengapa uji kepada insan?

Tercalar hati meminta belas,
Namun kasih tidak dihargai,
Mulanya ikhlas, bertukar culas,
Sedih hati yang dicurigai

Bawa hatimu jauh kembara,
Luas terbentang samudra raya,
Cekalkan hatimu yang nyata lara,
Azam menyinta Yang Maha Kaya

~Nur_aqli, 2017

Sunday, February 05, 2017

A thrown sword in battle

Lucky this blog is more or less anonymous. I've been thinking that if people who know me personally read this blog, maybe they will be concerned.
Oh well.
That serves you right, ain't it so?
To my readers (if you exist), just don't be too hasty with your stereotypes. You are wrong to put anyone in a box. I am iridescent. Nothing is absolute: change is the only constant.
So please don't interpret me based on what I write.
Interpret yourself instead, based on what you think or feel about what I write.
That is the purpose of all art: to see yourself through the looking glass of others and keep that understanding in your heart and use it as you see fit. It is like a soldier taking a sword from a fought battleground as arsenal to be used in his own impending battle. For what the sword is originally used for is irrelevant. The coming battle is all there is to it. Take it, and win your battle.