Runaway

I wonder, What can I hope for?

What if what I want is something that cannot be attained but something that can only be given?

Since young, we have all learned that things would happen if you strive for it. 

But what if there is no more room for trying?

Finally I arrived. After that arduous journey, I made it!
But the relief that washed over just moments before evaporated with the realization that the path is limited by a barbed fence, the future I hope for is at the other side.
The fence looked menacing.
The weather darkens but occasionally the icy glint of the wires shone by the lightning. It's going to rain soon.
To go back is something I dread. I would trade my life just so I don't have to go back. With a heavy breath I looked up slowly to the fence.

How high is it? 

Where would my dreams go if I am unable to go chasing after it? 

It is cruel for fate to flirt with our expectations and hope. The promise was that once I get there, then this curse would be lifted. I consorted with this illusion because no one bothered to tell me about the fence. I took a step nearer. Holding on to the fence, careful not to touch the thorn-like barbs. Shaking it, hoping it would budge. Screaming into the silence, hoping that someone would come.
No one did.
I closed my eyes. It was as though a dark cold cloud descended on me and enveloped me in distress. I hugged myself tighter, trying to offer solitary comfort. It was more like a useless coaxing to feel better but this feels like a dead end.

I tried so hard. 

I couldn't believe that it has all come down to nothing. I really don't know how to try anymore. I don't dare to dream anymore because they keep turning into nightmares. I stopped hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. Now I'm hoping that the tunnel would just end.

The cold is biting to my bones. Looking at my hands in the moonlight makes me wonder if I have any warmth in my blood. They look deathly white. I snuggled in my jacket at the bottom of the fence. The tiredness began to steal my consciousness. I rested my head down, slowly I closed my eyes. I stopped worrying about the future, all I want now is just to not remember.
**********

"Hoi, get up"
I felt a sudden pain in my stomach where he kicked me. His words awoke me rudely from my cold slumber. Eyes fluttering trying to focus, I squinted to where two faint lights are shining. I realized they were headlights of a truck, so I know they've found me.
Glancing through the fence, I could almost see an apparition waving at me. The dream still stands there, waiting for me to go make it a reality.
"I'll come back again," I whispered under my breath. Impatient, he came to grab me.
I pushed his hands away, a little harsher than I intended. Then I boarded the truck. In the winds that blow, I stared at the fence until it fades from my sight. The truck continued on, taking me to the things I wanted to get away from.