How many times more?

Lyrics | O.A.R. lyrics - Shattered (Turn The Car Around) lyrics

I know is not right to feel as I do.
But I do, I do, I do.
It sucks to try to reach for something but it always elude you.
I want to get away from this as far as I can.
I want to be able to pave my own life, without the burden of association to another that always seem to get what they want.
I want to be free of this.
It weigh heavy on my heart and my cheek muscles hurt from faking too much smiles. Being fake is so much work. I want badly to cry.

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

I know when trying for something there is always a 50% chance you'll fail. It is rezeki. So I know full well that there is no point in questioning why all this time my chances seem to fall on the failing 50%? Statistically in 100 attempts you'll most likely fail 50 times. If you fail 100 times, maybe it needs another 100 attempts to succeed. So what if the 50 or even 100 failures seem to line up one after the other? There's always a probability for that to happen, however remote.
...It sux tho.
I don't want to be stuck in this destiny of being tied up to another. No one ties us up I know, but I myself think that way. I want to break free, I know I'll be much better without it. But how to break free? It's like a curse. It is like I am worthy for nothing. After this, I want to go alone. I want to try it all alone. If I fail then I'll bear it alone, at least I won't feel so damn worthless.

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

....This post have too many "I" in it. Too caught up in self. So sorry.