Don't stop your prayers

I don't write much anymore.
Why?
I used to think that I am a writer, but if I don't write, then how?
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.
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Now I am busy with work. I never thought I'd be a workaholic, but I am afraid if I show the symptoms of turning into one. Sometimes I am baffled, why am I so busy? Why are all others not as kelam-kabut as I am; head filled with things to do, problems to solve, things to work out.
Before this I thought I am busy because of the PhD and after finishing that I'd have more time to spend with my family.
But work demands so much, there is so much to achieve. This is made difficult because I am now alone in my work, I have to start everything from scratch. The burden and pressure to prove yourself again to others is sometimes a difficult process.

The traffic in my head is like a 24-hour busy highway. At least now the traffic report is smooth; no held up traffic due to broken traffic lights or accidents. If that happens, it disrupts the whole balance of my being. As of now, everything is ok.

I know now that time is really a form of rizq. The way you spend your time is as important as how you spend your rizq. If Allah does not permit it, you won't get to do anything about it. These are all ordinary realities; things people say all the time like an auto-response to a complaint about being busy and having no time. But it is only now that I realize its importance.

I feel that I appreciate things more now, things that are happening around me now always carry a taint that says its temporary. This realization that nothing is everlasting lingers on my mind so much that even if something is just starting, I'm already imagining what I'd do if it were to end. I am constantly aware and afraid that the things I hold dear will be taken away from me with brute force and with no time to react. Everything happens in its due course, whether you are ready for it or not is unimportant.

One of my hopes while Ayah was in the operating theater for emergency operation is that Allah will still grant me my wish even though I've sinned so much. I felt so inadequate when faced with situations where I have no control over anything. In the end, it all went well and Ayah's bleeding stopped. Although now it is not all over yet, at least for that period of time, we were blessed with a miracle. But then, I came across this in facebook:

Don't stop making du'a even though you sin. Allah answered the du'a of Shaytan "grant me respite until the Day of Judgement ~Sheikh Abu Abdissalam

So even the devil's wish was granted, so you have to keep making doa. You can't afford to stop anyway because you have no control over anything.