ATTENTION: Love again. Bored with it? Go somewhere else.
The other day, I was thinking of how much I don't want to love that I asked my Ustazah,
"Akak, boleh tak kalau saya taknak rasa hendak? Saya taknak lansung rasa ingin tu"
Ustazah was about to answer, but then she got a call on her mobile.
Before answering that call she said,
"Tak boleh. Itu kan fitrah"
.
.
.
And I know she is right. I was just asking to know is there any other answer.
Mind you, I am not trying to deny nature, destiny and all that. All I want is to be free from this feeling of helplessness. It's making me feel like a needy person. Kan tak patut tu.
Entah.
At times when I feel so helpless and alone, I thought that if I need it this much, I must not deserve it. This is because I have unwittingly put it above the One love that is supposed to be, you know, One. Only when the love for Allah swt is above all else will we find true peace. Anything other than that is just a flimsy mirage.
Moreover, if I take a moment to not think about myself, I see so many people needing that kind of love so much more than me. At least I am not dying from it.
Some people are, you know. It's like the need eats them up inside. These are the people I pray will someday find someone to fill that void, because they look like they need it more than me.
So, does this mean that I don't really want to settle?
Entah.
At the end, my Ustazah said, "orang kata kita akan jumpa orang yang sama dengan kita"
This made me think that if "sama" means same and not 'serasi or sekufu" then it is again hard for me. I've always thought that if there were two people like me, the world would be upside down. Haha, perasan tak? Nevertheless, I do think I'm rare. That is what I always hear and easier to use for rationalization ;)
7 comments:
Sesama Islam adalah sekufu ^____^ Can't remember dgr kat mana. Lately, I've been thinking that I don't need a guy who love me that much. All I need is a husband that love Allah more than everything.
Yeah..you're right. Until that man comes, all I want is to go on excelling in whatever else that do not have unanswerable questions ;)
Agree. Let's penuhkan resume dgn perkara2 yg lebih bermanfaat ^____^
Sy p0n sometimes tak nk that feeling bcoz knowing me, i always fall for the wrong person.ada yg mmg obvious not the one (A) and ada yg pretend to be the one but actually monster (B). but the hardest is try to convince urself that (A) is not the one n force urself to forget them coz its difficult to let go someone yg feels right. (B) type more like skt hati tp xssh sgt nk lupe. I dunno what im saying but i just wanna switch off the 'love' button in my brain. got lots of other thing to focus on but most often this button stops me from focusing, sighhhhh...
yeah, the way these things suck our ability to focus on other things is kinda frustrating. Even more so if the other person is not even feeling the way we do and so they go on with their happy lives unaware of what we are experiencing. Sbb tu lg best kalau x rasa apa2 kn. But we cannot run from fitrah. What we can do is to be strong and pray that we are freed from these things. Only two ways I think are viable: either we go beyond our needs and focus on something else or we actually get a replacement to fill the void in our hearts. But hey, at least we know we're not alone ;)
Yeah, that's y,it hurts so much to see them go on so happily wif their lives but takkan nk mengamuk pulak,kang kata bitter kan...i prefer to get a replacement but i want to skip the searching process tu bleh...heheheh
hahaha, jgn mengamuk! insyaAllah everything will turn out fine. Nk semua process pun, x adventure pulak :p
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