Incomprehensible absence

Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.
~Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

There is a definite hole in my reality now. Just to fill it, I mouthed your name. Then I said it clearly,"Ayah". It took so much to say it, I was nervous about what would happen if I said it. But once I did, the word just got out, foreign to my ears.
Then the weight of how I miss you came on my shoulders, more so with the realization that you will not be found again, even if I look at all corners of the earth.
The absence is final, incomprehensible.
I love you, I miss you and we are all lost without you.
Surely Allah will take care of you, more than we ever could.