Fate: Buffering

Fear can cripple us into inaction.
It can show as procrastination,
Or as depression,
Or as perfectionism,
Or as defensiveness,
Or as hostility,
Or as resistance to change.

Simply, it is Fear.

Pure,
undiluted,
crippling,
Fear.

My mind is actually a mess,
things happening as usual but I felt my own resistance,
Fear building up together with my inability to steer my own course,
simply because I'm unsure of my destination.

First unanswered question:
What do I want?

If I can just answer this, then it'll bring me to the second question:
How am I going to get it?

As I am unable to provide an answer to the first question,
I am stuck in this cycle,
Running frantically going nowhere
like on a hamster wheel.

The questions keep piling up,
branching and spreading out,
from its infinite possibilities of alternative realities
now crumpled and jumbled
like a mess nobody wants to deal with.

With each passing time,
it tightens the mess that it becomes an impossible lump of nothing,
tightening its grasp around my reality
so that all of the frantic search occurs in parallel with my current reality
and manifest itself in searching for answers in the head and heart
like a buffering website waiting to load forever
and so in reality nothing is made, nothing is shown,
until something changes.

Will it change?
I really can't say.
I hope it does.