Dreaming out loud

I am at the hospital now, vigilantly hoping for the best.

Sometimes I don't think I am cut out for this.

I don't know what I am doing most of the time and each time it turns out the way it did was entirely by divine intervention.

During these times, the insignificance of our efforts is a stark contrast to the finality of destiny. But destiny is not a fixed thing you know, it could be easily changed with a powerful kun fayakun by Allah the Almighty.

.

.

.

It'd be good, to have someone that wants to hear your stories for the day. And then rest your shoulders together at the end of the story because each other is the only source of comfort.

It would be different, I think.

I am unsure, but I sure hope so.

I think it is unfair that you give me just a glimpse of that world I've never known but hope to be in. I thought I saw you during that isolated moment in time, but that may very well be just a figment of my imagination. Just me dreaming out loud.

But let that be in the incessant anticipation of the ever changing future.

For now, the world would go on as it should be.

Because in the end, everything would be as it should be.

Don't need another perfect line

Lyrics | One Republic lyrics - Secrets lyrics

I decided today that I am tired of waiting for things to happen. I think to increase the probability of something happening, we actually have to force and put ourselves in situations that makes it impossible for meaningful things to evade us.

Yes, in the back of my mind I think my life is boring. And I just can't stand it any longer.

We have to increase our potential, put the seed of life under the sun and rain so that it'll grow into full bloom.

That is why I am taking the little but sure steps toward change.

People around me are always whining about how sad and blue they are because of the absence of someone they could love and they think that their life would be turned around the minute they find their true love.

I just hope they don't miss him when he pass them by. Good luck with that.

For me I just get sick of waiting around pretending it doesn't hurt. I don't think that one person can change your whole life just like that, you have to do most of the work yourself. Well, it is after all your life. Don't wait around for something that is hidden in the days to come. If it comes one fine day knocking on your door, just let it in. Until then, fill in your minutes and seconds with memories that will sustain you.

Sick of all the insincere is true. I only have time for the real thing. So if you want to join me, I really appreciate the company. But if not, it's OK as it is not the end of the world yet. I promise I'll send you pictures haha.

So now the important things to do are:

• Fill weekday with work so that I can graduate as soon as possible to be free of all the ties of postgraduate study.
• Fill weekends with fun stuff to catch up with my life.
• Earn money so that I can save up to go places I only go to in pictures.

Sound like a good plan? I hope so because the situation now has a stale taste to it. Dreams have to become targets at some point of time and there is no time like the present ;)

Phantom hourglass

Slm
Semalam YM ngan Anie, yang sudahpun bertunang n insyaAllah akn mendirikan rumah tangga tahun depan.
Naturally, the conversation shifted to marriage, soulmate, getting hitched, bf (or rather the nonexistence of one) etc, etc.
However, one of her comments got me thinking.
When we were discussing the choices that we make in life (her getting married and me getting my PhD), about how her situation is different from mine and that getting married is the best thing to happen to her right now she said to me:

Ko tu tak serius lagi

Huh?
Why she said that? I do want to get married but...
After the conversation, I thought about what she said and I've come to one conclusion.
Yes, I am not yet "serious."
Sometimes the loneliness kicks in and the desire to have someone by your side is overwhelming but I realize that getting married is not my first priority.
My friend thinks that for someone in her situation getting married is the best (her parents are getting old and she wants to be able to give something back to her parents before anything happens...), she even postponed her dreams of furthering her studies to work and get married.
However, for me I look at it with a different perspective.
Yes, I do worry for my parents, especially my father.
I ask myself, "Is this all there is? Is this the end?"
I don't know the answer, but I'm sure as hell not going to hang around and find out.
So now I have this burning desire to do all there is in my power to make it so that my parents especially my father could experience it all.

• Me graduating with my doctorate degree.
• Me having a great and high paying job.
• My brother and sisters success in their exams and dreams (like Lili who is now chembering to become a lawyer, Alia who's sitting for her SPM, Azrai who'll be sitting for SPM next year, Nim who'll be taking her PMR next year...).
• Me getting married (oh!)
• Me having kids (oh OH!)

....is it possible to achieve all these? Mission Impossible maybe, especially for the last two points. The last two points is not in my power.
So the next best thing is to try and achieve all the other dreams and make them into reality.
I'm racing with the clock but I don't know how much time I have left.
So yes, I am not yet serious in getting hitched. I have so much more to do and if God willing I should be able to fulfill the last two dreams while achieving all the other dreams, I am most thankful.
I am racing a fight to the end.
I just hope I manage to arrive before time runs out.
La Haula Wala Quwwata Illa Billah