Sound like a sound idea?

It's raya everyone!

But I am here in front of this computer because I'm trying to complete an assignment from my supervisor. It's the paper that I've told you before. I did manage to complete it before raya leave on Friday (yeay! *pat self on the back*). But I should have known that my super-efficient supervisor would finish it by Sunday and message me to tell that she had mailed the correction and I should do it ASAP (she even include a friendly reminder that I should not just eat during raya coz then I'll get fat (fatter than I already am?) and that I should dedicate those precious hours to work instead. I responded that I'll keep that advice in mind while eating at the raya open house buffet :p)

So I am here now. For two hours already, but only managed minor corrections. Where's my scientific muse? I suspect that even muses have to go holiday sometimes. My mind feels like it's on some kind of controlled substance because I feel like my head is softly lolling on waves. I suspect that it's because of the lack of sleep plus the natural excitement of preparing for raya. Yesterday the whole family spring cleaned the house until 3.00 a.m. Then we woke at 4.30 a.m for the last Ramadhan sahur for this year. Then after subuh prayers I took a moment to get a little shut-eye but it was interrupted in half hour intervals because I asked mom and dad to wake me up before 7.30 am. I had an appointment to help a friend to drive her to the bus station that morning. I didn't want to be the reason she did not get on that bus toward her family for Raya, I could be hated for that. If ever I was late then I suspect that no amount of cheery Raya greetings and request for forgiveness would be entertained.

Then after I got back from the bus station I decided against sleeping to just try finish a bit of the journal because when will there be a other time? Now's perfect because today supposed to be our cooking day but it'd start late because of the overtime yesterday and continue until the wee hours of the morning so that we're all sporting panda eyes during Eid. My mom went out with my brother to settle some errands and my sisters are all still sleeping (cis, sedap tido) so this leaves me alone to do the right thing: working on that paper and not updating my blog with pointless babbles.

Tapi, ya Allah, mengantuknya!

...

Self-imposed deadline: Friday.

I promise to do it on the 3rd raya.

...Or maybe its better I look at the journal after 2nd raya?

Ok, maybe I'll try to fit it in on 1st raya.

Hmm..how about after cooking rendang, sate, ketupat, kuah kacang, nasi impit, sambal udang, serunding ikan bilis, carrot cake, pavlova and choc chip cookies?

Maybe the best option for me now is just to sleep and then try do it today.

Or a little bit everyday until it's finished?

Sounds like a sound idea.

Let us just see what happens by Friday, ok? ;)

A compendium of Babbles

Let's just talk. Let's see where this takes us.

So this week I've been busy, going for iftar gatherings with friends 3 nights in a row, all with different people. Even though I enjoyed myself immensely, I still caught myself wishing I can be with the family at the same time. But we can only be at one place at a time. Maybe, that is just as well because it's greedy to want to have everything all at the same time.

***

In one of the iftar outings, I accidentally revealed the mystery person in my mind. I never meant for anyone to know. Oh well. But, in a way, it's a relief having someone know. Even though it may be a hopeless prayer (notice how I am still hoping? silly me).

***

I have more time now at the lab. It feels like I've been laid off, systematically erased from the system because I opted not to join the show for next season. I still have some work to do but because all of it involves paper work and reading journals, I am still unable to switch modes from post-thesis mode to productivity mode. Guess I gotta get myself straighten up and get it done before Raya leave. Kan bagus kalau aku ni seorang yang sangat berdisiplin dalam bekerja? Then maybe I would've filled the 100 empty pockets of time I created in my days with beneficial things. This lag-phase has went on too long, need to re-focus!

***

Travel has been constantly in my mind. Me and my friends were supposed to go to Krabi after raya. It was a spontaneous decision and all of us were excited by it. But we just found out that it was going to be the rainy season. I think it's funny that we would be going to the beach while its raining, but sometimes I don't particularly care. It even rains in paradise. The important thing is the company and the experience afforded by the trip. And who knows, maybe it'd be a blessing in disguise. I can't wait to go! I've grown tired of being jealous of all the places all other people have been. I want to go too, why can't I go? So I'm hoping that this would be the first of many travels to come :)

***

I think I ought to save up for a camera.

***

The other day I went through my posts. I noticed that I've been having love issues since forever. I'm hoping this dry spell to be over but I do know that I'll prepare myself just in case another sandstorm decide to come instead the blessed fall of rain.

***

Just a thought, but I think that people who don't bother shouldn't be made to involve in anything, in everything. Especially love. Your apathy disgusts me.

***

And I wonder, can addiction be self-treated? Self-healed. It is after all, a disease of the mind.

***

Ok, going back to the iftar again. During the iftar today, surrounded by all the loving couples with their cute babies in their arms, one of the single guys remarked (almost to himself), "eh, macam best je". Then I asked him, "apa yang best?" He answered, "semua ni la, macam best aje" while gesturing to the scene of young mommies holding their babies while discussing baby-related escapades and the young daddies all sitting around looking all fatherly. I think it's hilarious that he just realized how much that the singles are missing (me included). He didn't know?

I've known it for the longest time.

***

Whatever it is, I just got to say this: To my sis and paliy, and to my friends: thank you for sharing your little bundle of joy and shining a little sunlight in our hearts! :)

The End.

Light upon light

"I am constantly being asked what this or that means in my films. It’s unbearable! An artist does not have to be accountable for his intentions. I did not do any deep thinking about my work. I don’t know what my symbols mean. I only desire to induce feelings, any feelings, in viewers. People always try to find “hidden” meanings in my films. But wouldn’t it be strange to make a film while striving to hide one’s thoughts? My images do not signify anything beyond what they are… We do not know ourselves that well: sometimes we express forces which cannot be grasped by any ordinary measure."

~ Andrei Tarkovsky

I always wonder about this. I wonder how the artist shape their masterpieces to convey a meaning. Must there be a reason for everything? A reason for a dot there, a line here. Colors everywhere, black and white just sprinkled here and there. It's just that I think it would be a heavy task for a person to engineer his/her work to really represent the idea in its purest form.

Does the symbolism encompass everything?

It would be tiring to always second guess yourself, wondering if ever your interpretation is true to what the artist meant. And a satisfying answer doesn't exist. Maybe in this sense I am a generalist (a contrast to my usually detailed self). I look at a work of art as a whole; the meaning for me is formed by the symphony of all components coming together.

I don't usually regard the elements individually. The significance of an art piece, a song or a story is based on my experiences, my personal views and even my feelings at that moment. I look at it and it either speaks to me or it doesn't. It is overwhelming to analyse everything, seriously. I just can't deal with the uncertainty, I guess. Or it is just my inadequacy. I regard as sheer genius for an artist to carefully consider every layer of meaning, every possible angle of interpretation to take the observer to share a glimpse of their inspiration. The creative process is a complex maze of making sense of everything that plays in the artist's mind and heart.

It is the same with writers. The way they play their words is powerful and wonderful to behold. They could move nations to revolt, the oppressed to rise and the sad to be joyous again. Maybe it's true that the heart has many strings and these artists and writers just know how to play the right notes.

Maybe, precisely for these reasons the Quran is so lyrically majestic and that its lessons have to be done with hikmah. It has so many layers of meaning that even after hundreds of years scholars have not finished analyzing it. The Quran has to be learned from a teacher as interpretations vary between individuals. Teaching with hikmah means that even the lessons have to be tailored according to the audience: not altering the essence of meaning but rather customizing the lessons according to what could be accepted by the individual's level of thinking. This is why the demand for knowledge is of utmost importance in Islam. When our knowledge increases, what becomes clear to us is not visible to those who do not know. We slowly begin to appreciate the layers of meaning so intricately beautiful and hidden like the petals of a rose.

As stated here in the Quran, Allah guides to His light whom He wills.

Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The example of His light is like a niche within which is a lamp, the lamp is within glass, the glass as if it were a pearly [white] star lit from [the oil of] a blessed olive tree, neither of the east nor of the west, whose oil would almost glow even if untouched by fire. Light upon light. Allah guides to His light whom He wills. And Allah presents examples for the people, and Allah is Knowing of all things.

An Nur (24:35)

Only with clarity provided with knowledge that the true meaning of anything could be understood. Only then could we be enlightened. Reflect on these words:

“Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it. Whoever has polished it more sees more - more unseen forms become manifest to him."

~Rumi

Therefore, the pressing issue now is to increase our knowledge to attain the highest pinnacle of understanding. The first step is easy and already revealed to us: Iqra'.