A thrown sword in battle

Lucky this blog is more or less anonymous. I've been thinking that if people who know me personally read this blog, maybe they will be concerned.
Oh well.
That serves you right, ain't it so?
To my readers (if you exist), just don't be too hasty with your stereotypes. You are wrong to put anyone in a box. I am iridescent. Nothing is absolute: change is the only constant.
So please don't interpret me based on what I write.
Interpret yourself instead, based on what you think or feel about what I write.
That is the purpose of all art: to see yourself through the looking glass of others and keep that understanding in your heart and use it as you see fit. It is like a soldier taking a sword from a fought battleground as arsenal to be used in his own impending battle. For what the sword is originally used for is irrelevant. The coming battle is all there is to it. Take it, and win your battle.

Seloka Sang Perindu

Hatiku kini dirundung rindu,
Namun rindunya pada siapa?
Tiada jawapan cuma sendu,
Ia harapan jiwa yang alpa

Rindu dilempar jauh ke dasar,
Kerana tiada insan yang sudi,
Memaknai rindu lama memekar,
Qada dan qadar belum terjadi

Harapan tipis dikikis masa,
Namun hidup dikemudi jua,
Cuma mengharap pada yang Esa,
Henti inginku untuk dunia

Kini kudrat dikerah melangkah,
Tanpa hiraukan ingin dan angan
Walaupun parah jiwa merekah,
Menanti rehat nun di kayangan
 

Rindu

Rasa rindu yang terlalu dalam.
Andai cuba dijengah, tak terjangkau dasarnya.
Yang terlihat cuma hitam pekat,
yang beraliran bersama kenangan.
Kehilangan yang kekal dan sukar diterima.

...

This lost is final. Incomprehensible.
The yearning to have ayah's presence again is constant, often hitting when least expected.
I am so sure that if Ayah is with us here, somehow the world won't feel so vast, so cruel.
But now, the stark reality of everything is a heavy burden on my heart. The heart has to be dragged everywhere..and everything sometimes feels unreal and distanced..inside I am feeling cold and inexpressibly alone

Allah..