Imperfect fate: All our fault?

Anything that happens, happens.

Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.

Anything that, in happening, happens again, happens again.

It doesn't necessarily happen in chronological order, though.

~Douglas Adams

Let me put this reality out there first: we are imperfect beings.

Human, man, insan, manusia - all their definitions have caveats against the inherent imperfection of us.

So it is perfectly reasonable to think that as imperfect beings we make imperfect decisions, right?

This reality is compounded by the fact that when making split second decisions or long deliberated choices we often don't get the full picture. We don't get to know all the pieces of the puzzle. We don't have all the details of things that can have an effect on the decision or the ripples of event that would happen with the choices we make.

In a scientific system, this can't be accepted. There are too many variables. To manage these volatile factor, science would take into account the assumptions that have to be made and to manage the variability using the ever-powerful tool: statistics.

But we don't get to play these tools in real life, don't we?

Life happens in real-time.

However, the level of our performance in this life is measured by the choices we make, by the paths we set ourselves into. We might even be tempted to think that we are sorely disadvantaged and under-equipped to tackle this daunting task of sticking to your guns and winning the war.

In my head, the noise my thoughts make are deafening. Even outwardly I feel like having a fever, both my mental and physical faculties committed to process, weigh and predict the possible outcomes of each route.

This drives me crazy!

But the realization that we are imperfect beings gives me a kind of consolation. I feel somehow, ok. The decisions and deliberations become hard only when we feel destiny is ultimately ours to shape. That we ourselves control whether we make it or brake it. Whether it turns to gold or to dust. Whether it stands or it crumbles.

.

.

.

I beg to differ.

I find it hard to believe that destiny is only tied to an individual's act, and the intersections in life that we didn't choose is a lost chance. Those damn 'what-ifs' again.

How could fate be so frail? Why does destiny have to be so fuzzy and undetermined that a single wrong turn by us takes us to doom so easily?

Like love for example. Is it so easy to miss out on true love because we are not yet the person they should have fallen in love with? We are continuously improving ourselves, but in the process while we are being less than who we can be, if we happen to stumble upon love, will it not work out?

Another example is when given options on what to commit yourself into, your life's work. We won't know what is right. So if we commit now, will we get the chance to turn the car around and steer away?

Quite frustrating, if you ask me. So I make my mind to not believe all this. How can we miss out on so much by making imperfect choices? We will never know the right words, we will never know the right timing, we will never know whether that is the right path to take. All we have is now. Face it, we have to make do with the bare minimum. But I think it is harder if we take it all on our shoulders and go lone ranger in life. I think that fate is stronger than we think. There are movable things and unmovable things: all part of qada' and qadar. If it is meant to be, then surely it will come to be. What makes a decision right has no clear definition, as the decision itself is a journey toward our ultimate self. I just take comfort in placing my trust in the Almighty and know that as long as I keep trying to walk the path that is set for me the best way that I possibly can by harnessing all the resources at my disposal (like mom and dad, family, friends, teachers, books, google, random strangers with wisdom they're willing to share, etc. Who would've thought there'd be that many? haha) then I needn't to be burdened too much by the singular responsibility of being me.

The only thing to do now is to have a clean heart, a clear conscience, strong faith and keep on walking. Don't worry too much, what is yours will be right up ahead or it will catch up with you someday ;)