The breaking up speech

If my car is my boyfriend, I think he's breaking up with me.

"I've been with you since 2006, I've never failed you in any way. I've taken you to places you have never been, I have never put my interest before you. You remember how I've been with you, took you to fight your battles all because you're chasing opportunities and nursing a scarred sense of dignity when all others left you alone? You remember how I let you cry in the car when the cosmos just seem to be against you in every way? And don't forget how I endured your bad karaoke-like singing everyday when you're alone in the car to work?

And all of that for what?

Ok, I admit. You took care of my batteries brilliantly. You even have a bottle of battery water handy in case you have to top it off. And thanks for the tyres, I know all four of them are shining brand new. But this was all because our past arguments have been about you not caring to look at the battery water levels and I got fed up. The tyres were also because you used the previous ones until they're bald but still I marched on until one rainy day when the tyres can't take it anymore and they died at the side of the road, a motorist wearing a raincoat signalling that I was running flat.

Oh, thank you for finally learning to change my tyres. I fell in love with you again for that.

But now other things are becoming important. I can't help demanding these things if commitment is what you want.

You have never even bothered to check my oil levels, you just left that responsibility to the one servicing me. You never knew the basics of car maintenance: apart from the batteries, you should also check the water levels in the car radiator. I know you asked but you shouldn't be so naive as to expect they teach you the whole syllabus of Car Maintenance 101!

The driver window is already broken but you found a way around it by procuring a Smart Tag, so the necessity to fix the windows are demoted to a lesser priority. My coat is also chipped and ugly everywhere. Running beside a shiny car makes me feel like I'm wearing rags. You don't know the feeling!

But now it is too late. I'm paying you back, with Blu Cantrell singing "Hit em up style" in the background. I'll probably make up with you in a week, but I hope you are not the same person that I left. You have to understand me for a change!"

And with that, Pajero left. I was at the brink of tears when I saw them opening you up, doing all sorts of things I don't understand. I felt like wailing my heart out when I heard their estimate. I think they saw it in my face, because they politely stood out of the way after that for me to call Mom. I felt ill, like vomiting when I had to describe what Pajero had done to me. Mom came, took my zombie-like self as I tried to come to terms to the chain of events that were anticipated to follow.

Pajero, forgive me.

Take me back, please?