slm
Today i plan to kick back n relax...
after a long tiring week at the lab that is more taxing to the heart and mind than to the body..
ultimately: I'm exhausted.
I want to stop.
I want to go to the beach.
I want to sleep soundly without waking in the middle of the night worrying.
I want my life back!
Now in my mind i am seriously considering my plan to convert my MSc to PhD.
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I equipped to handle it?
Is this what I want?
I seriously don't know.
Now I am rushing for the deadline. Time never stop to let me catch up. Time flies and left me behind most of the time..

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Looking back at my friendster blog, i think it's time to republish an article again. I am republishing it here because the friendster blog doesn't have the archiving function and I am afraid it'll be lost in cyberspace abyss.
The following article I wrote when I was struggling to juggle my responsibilities in my entrepreneurs club, silat, study n final year project during my final year at Unimas. Even then time never seemed enough but i managed to go through it...somehow (how did i do it? can I do it again? hopefully). So this is a reminder for you and me, may we get something, anything, out of it.

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24/7 tak cukup..

assalamualaikum

lamanye tak tulis dlm blog nih, ye la dah thn 3 ni macam2 hal. nak kejar assignment lagi, test lagi, kuiz lagi, nak organize dinner biotech lagi, seminar lagi....hehe macam mengada plak kan? macam la orang lain tak banyak kerja.

ari tu pergi unit sukan unimas sebab urusan dinner n jumpa lah ngan en suhairi...pegi tu ngan azie. so azie pun mengadulah ngan en suhairi, kata azie dia macam tak cukup masa nak buat semua, seperti 24 jam sehari tu tak cukup untuk menyelesaikan masalah2 yang datang. tau tak en suhairi kata apa?

dia kata, "tu lah kamu, sibuk sangat dengan urusan dunia, tu yang rasa tak cukup masa. Cuba fikir balik, ada tak dalam sehari tu kamu peruntukkan masa walaupun seketika untuk berzikir pada Allah? seandainya kita kejar dunia, Allah akan bagi kamu dunia banyak2. hah, nah! Ambil semua! ambillah semua sampai kamu rasa masa itu tidak cukup. tu la, sibuk sangat dengan dunia. tapi ingat, jika kita ada peruntukkan masa untuk Allah, maka Allah akan melapangkan dada kita dan memberi kita kesempatan-kesempatan, sampai kita rasa yang walaupun terlalu banyak urusan pastinya akan selesai dengan izin Allah"

hehe...tu la dah kena sebijik, bukan azie je tapi lisa pun mengakulah yang memang terasa habis.

ye la kan, kan masa tu dari dulu lagi memang 24 jam? ok je untuk berlaku semua benda...matahari tetap naik pada waktunya, bulan pun tetap mengambang pada malamnya walaupun terpaksa round dunia ni setiap kali? kita ni tak perlu pun round dunia tapi dah mengada kata tak cukup masa, betapa agungnya kebesaran Allah, setiapnya berjalan pada paksinya tanpa sekali pun melanggar sunnatullah. soalnya sekarang, masa kita itu kita gunakan untuk apa?

sombongnya manusia ye...kita tak ada apa2 yang boleh dibanggakan. kita lah makhluk yang perlukan makanan, pakaian, kasih sayang. hakikatnya kita makhluk yang memerlukan, tapi kita minta macam2.

dulu lisa pernah terfikir, kenapa la orang minta supaya dipanjangkan umur...buat apa jadi tua kan? masa tu terasa macam roti expired atas para kat belakang kedai runcit sebab makcik tu terlupa nak buang,macam tu la lisa rasa agaknya bila dah tua...bila usia tua kan kita tak dapat beri sumbangan sepertimana org muda2, sebab kudrat yang dipinjamkan Allah dah ditarik balik.

so bukankah lebih baik kita berdoa untuk umur yang diberkati Allah? pendek atau panjang umur, jika diberkati pasti lebih baik. jika umur diberkati,umur kita ni akan digunakan untuk perkara2 yang benar2 bermakna, supaya kita boleh menunaikan tanggungjawab sebagai khalifahNya dimuka bumi ini insyaAllah.

kesimpulannya, andainya kita mengingati Allah, maka Allah pun tidak akan melupakan kita...yakin dengan itu k ;)

This here is something i wrote years ago, during the Sumatra earthquakes, maybe in 2006, but i'm not sure... Just felt it's time to share it ;)
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Musings of a Musafir

What lies exactly for us after obtaining a basic Degree? or maybe a Masters degree? have u honestly thought of that?
Many people aspires to get a job, find a soulmate, settle down, have a few kids, get old and eventually die...that is the super-shortened and over-simplified version of life, really. but let's face it: LIFE IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.
Nothing is that straightforward these days. Even if it is, i would not want it.
Yes, i know you're probably thinking that i am a complete moron for not desiring a good life like that. But tell me, what defines life?
what is this life for?
For me at least, life is all about niat,tests (a.k.a problem) and ultimately how u overcome or cope with that problem (=test). Not the mid term or finals kind of test, mind you. It is something greater than that.
Let me illustrate this further: from the moment you wake up, what is it that u do? some people miss calls their loved one (to wake them for subuh prayers? i heard it was a romantic thing to do), some people head straight to the toilet ( maybe they ate a super hot sambal that makes the stomach grumbling early in the day) and some others take their wudhu' and perform prayers. All these are typical activities to start the day but as a true muslim, no matter what we do, we should get 'pahala' for it. so even if u miss call the one u love, u should be getting your share of pahala. but again, i stress that it is not that simple. examine again, what is in your heart when u miss call, when u go to the toilet, when u pray? what is your 'niat' exactly? niat is what determines whether what we do is an ibadah or a useless act. here lies the crux of the problem. how can we fix our niat so that we can always get Allah's grace? i dont have any clear answer for this except that we have to train ourselves to be close to Allah. To cleanse our dirty hearts so that "nur hidayah" comes through. We must always know that everything happens beacuse Allah desires it so and Allah will never ever be cruel to His subjects. Allah gives us everything when He owes us nothing. Just because of His love, we are alive and breathing.
If we realise it or not, we rely on Allah for everything. even the unbelievers do this even if they don't realise it. An obvious example is the earthquake that hit malaysia recently from Sumatra. this earthquake rattled us so much and makes us panic out of our minds just because we have never considered the possibility that what happenned at other countries could happen to us. the ground that rely on to be strong and still is no longer so. it shakes with a force unimaginable to our naive minds and rendered every breakthrough in science and technology useless to stop the wrath of God. this is equivalent to waking up one morning and taking for granted that the sky will always be above us and suddenly we discover that the sky has fallen and taking us as victims. we are suddenly in the other world wihout so much as a warning. Wake up! death comes anytime, anywhere. Doomsdays is also around the corner and all we can do is worry about the unrequited love, the job oppurtunity we missed or the assignment we failed to complete?
since i was little, i have always been told that we live for Allah. Allah places us here to serve Him, abide all His rules and avoid all that angers Him. so why is that we are only living a life of emptiness? a life with no purpose? a life that is only concerned with his/her own good? this is clearly because we have lost our way . we are still searching for menaing when it is clearly stated in the Quran.
Here is one example: Have u ever felt that u are a little child lost in a carnival full of people? at first u had your mom guiding you but because there too much people bustling about, you lost her grip. suddenly u realise that your mother is not holding your hand anymore. u are alone and it is up to you to survive this. are you going to cry? are you going to ask for help? are you ging to run sensely in the vain search of your mother? tell me, what is it that u hope to do?
Then it dawned on you that the reality is, you did not hold on to her hand strong enough. it was you that let go of her hand because you are too excited looking at other people and the fun things available for your pleasure at the carnival. so what is the use of crying? it was u that let go, your mother never left u. she was standing there all along, waiting for u to come to her. but u were to busy with other stuff and it was only when u realised that u were lost, u searched for her. so tell me honestly, is it fair scolding your mother and sulking because she made you lose your way? why are u running away form the responsibility of your own actions?
This is only an analogy. The child is u, the carnival is our temporary world and the mother is the guidance Allah gave u. Allah never left u, it was u that left Allah.
Allah gives us problems to solve to make us strong and to test whether we are true muslims. that is what life is all about; getting through all trials and tribulations of the world for Allah. Only for Him. After earnig your degree or whatever that u hope to achieve, please do not forget your place in this world. u are here for a reason. Allah has not taken our lives yet because we have something to do. not merely live an empty life, but to serve Him. to serve Him is to help uphold Islam in this world.
Can't u see our brother and sisters in Islam suffering all around the world? are you just going to stand there and say," i feel so sorry for them but there is nothing i can do." Remember, our brothers and sisters in Palestine, Somalia, Iraq and even in neighboring Thailand and others do not need your sympathy. They need your help, but they do not beg for it. They shouldn't have to. Every little thing counts. Allah will give everything its due. if u do something, even if it is the size of an atom, u will get paid for it. Maybe now is not the time for u to suffer but when the time comes, do not wonder why no one helps.
Ask yourself first, have u helped before?

Below is an article i once wrote for UPMU website (a website for the masjid in Unimas). Even though i wrote it a long long time ago, i still think it's true...
tell me wht u think, nur_aqli@hotmail.com
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" terdapat banyak bintang dilangit, tetapi hanya satu sahaja begitu menyerlah sehingga dapat menarik perhatian anda....
Dari kalangan yang anda pilih untuk abaikan sebenarnya adalah sebutir bintang yang sanggup menyinari anda walau dimana sahaja anda berada..."

seringkali kita mendengar lagu atau melihat filem2, dia kata,"wajahmu bak bulan" ataupun satu lagi yg popular, "andai kau menjadi bulan, biarlah aku menjadi bintang"....hmm.
apa maksud sebenarnye ni? bila saya fikirkan, saya memang x setuju dengan percintaan bulan dan bintang ni. kenapa ye? saya bukan sasterawan, tetapi saya punya hati dan perasaan. saya memilih untuk menilai frasa ini dari sudut sains.
kalau kita lihat, bintang sebenarnya hebat. dia punya cahayanya sendiri, menyinar tanpa bantuan orang lain, hanya dengan izin Allah. tetapi, bulan pula tidak mempunyai cahaya tersendiri, bulan hanya sebagai pemantul kepada cahaya matahari. jika difikirkan secara logik, bintang tidak akan nampak bulan. hanya bulan yang akan nampak bintang. macam seseorang yang menyintai seseorang yg lain dalam diam, hanya dia yang melihat org impiannya itu menyinar dengan gemilang tetapi org itu x menyedari kehadirannya. bintang kan sebenarnya suatu jasad yg besar, terletak berjuta2 tahun cahaya jauhnya dari bulan. bulan yg menyinar dengan chy pantulan tidak akan dapat dilihat oleh bintang. does this make sense to you? to me it makes perfect sense. bagi seseoramg yang mmg ditakdirkn untuk mengalami percintaan bulan bintang ni, mmg menyedihkan. sesuatu yg dapat dilihat dengan mata tidak dpt digapai dengan tangan...
saya mengerti perasaan insan sebegini, kerana saya pernah menjadi bagai bulan. menyukai seseorang yg tak mengerti. i've been hurting myself all this while. but one day as i was listening to IKIM.fm, ada satu sajak tu dia kata, " bagaimana makhluk boleh memberi, sedangkan dia sendiri masih mencari?" saya tersentak. saya tiba2 sedar yg selama ini, i've been looking for love at all the wrong places. mengapa mendamba sesuatu yg tidak pasti? mengapa mesti megharap cinta makhluk sedangkan cinta dan kasih Illahi tidak tentu dihayati? setiap hari mendapat rezeki, walaupun segunung dosa dilakukan. hanya cinta Allah itulah yg hakiki, biasa didengar, tetapi baru kini mengerti sedikit maknanya. hanya Allah memberi tanpa mengharap ganti, cuma diperintahkan kita menurut perintahNya dan meninggalkan laranganNya.
satu lg kata2 yg saya dpt, " Tuhan telah menciptakan kamu untuk diriNya tetapi kamu pula mengkehendaki yang selanNya" "Kamu itu hamba yg lari dari tuannya, maka kembalilah kepada tuanmu iaitu Allah."
semua ini betul bukan? mmg betul sesuatu yg didengar tak tentu difahami oleh hati. mecari kasih makhluk sedangkan yg berkuasa memberi hanyalah Dia Yang Maha Esa.
"Bukankah Allah cukup untuk melindungi hamba- hambaNya" Az-Zumar:36.

Saya bukanlah sesempurna mana, hanya seorang hamba yg mencari pengertian, insyaAllah
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Allah has reason for allowing things to happen. We may not understand His wisdom, but simply, we must trust his will... So there is a reason for being here, think about it and tell me when u find out what it is