Don't weigh down the little things

Alert! [another stressed out entry]

Our sense of justice sometimes would cause us pain.

Our sense of right and wrong, without flexibility would hurt us like a thorn in the heart.

In the beginning the wound seems small and that we can ignore it by burying it in the far corners of our mind, hoping someday it will be erased and forgotten in time.

However, it often doesn't work that way. The thorn instead become diseased, full with pus and will poison our whole being. The only way through this is to expand your heart and be like the ocean. A drop of poison won't make a difference in the ocean but it would be deadly in a little pool of water.

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I feel that in times of crisis, our sense of justice and eye for detail would be super sensitive. Little insignificant things become massive and if it doesn't go the way we want it to, then we would feel wronged and hurt. In short, we all become supersensitive. But only to our own self, absorbed in our own hurt. We instead of being aware of our surroundings, we become numb to others and wallowing in our sorrow.

Sometimes we want to be brave, and we keep it all bottled inside instead of accepting it and this often causes us to feed the volcano in us, that burn more with each feeling of injustice. One day, it will all burst and destroy everything in its wrath.

So imagine, if every single thing you let touch your heart as if people are going out of their way just to step on your feet, then your heart is not even like a pool of water, but rather like a puddle. I want to be like the ocean because I detest those who are more like puddles. This is one of the main reasons why one of my birthday resolutions is to have an open heart: lebih berjiwa besar. Little things shouldn't have a big effect on you. Why weigh down your heart and mind over little insignificant things right? Better we invest all that energy into something more useful than negativity.

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In difficult and challenging times, people are tired. Everyone is trying hard to be strong, so sometimes in our frail efforts of doing it right we do it wrong without even realizing it. So careful of not messing it up in one area, we mess up other areas. Each time without intent.

I know I hurt you many times, but none was on purpose. Words vomited out in moments of impatience and temper was followed immediately by regret. Maybe it is too much to ask you to understand, because you have too much on your mind too.

Compassion is not easy to come by, and I know it is not fair of me to demand it.

A simple "sorry" just won't do.

Haih...

As I said before, sometimes I don't think I am cut out for this.