Out-worn heart, in a time out-worn,
Come clear of the nets of wrong and right;
Laugh heart again in the gray twilight,
Sigh, heart, again in the dew of the morn.
Your mother Eire is always young,
Dew ever shining and twilight gray;
Though hope fall from you and love decay,
Burning in fires of a slanderous tongue.
Come, heart, where hill is heaped upon hill:
For there the mystical brotherhood
Of sun and moon and hollow and wood
And river and stream work out their will;
And God stands winding His lonely horn,
And time and the world are ever in flight;
And love is less kind than the gray twilight,
And hope is less dear than the dew of the morn.
~Into the twilight, William Butler Yeats (1865-1935)
I don't know if I believe in chasing dreams anymore.
I wonder, if we are not chasing them, where would they go?
Do they just go on and on, until another destiny catches them and weave the dreams into that another person's reality?
Sometimes I feel that when ambition and success becomes the sole goal of a person, it will consume you whole. There will never be enough left for any other areas of your life. Its only a tricky trade for time. You can't do both: it is either this or that.
At this point of my life, ambition and success are both dirty words to my ears.
I hate them not because of the hard work associated with them but rather I am unsure if I want to be those kind of persons I see as successful and ambitious.
I just don't think it is in me to do those kind of sacrifices that these people do on a daily basis.
Making hard choices that is opposite from the heart will make you mechanical, almost robotic.
.
.
.
And right now, I feel trapped. It's like being at a crossroad where every road is very uninviting, dark and dreary. Like being in a jail, but the difference is I don't know who holds the key and why the hell I am stuck here.
Maybe it is me who trapped myself.
I admit, I have an intense desire to do the right thing, make the right choices, take the right path. But now everything doesn't feel right.
I don't really want to do anything right now, and these games are making me sick to the core.
Have anybody heard somewhere some people say, "if you don't know how high is the price you're paying, don't pay"?
That would literally blow their pants off and spark off another trail of drama that is tiring to the soul and chafes against the will. Nobody wants that. Beware, because then maybe your wings will be clipped and you can limp your way toward nothingness and mediocrity.
All situations, all choices have 50-50 chance of either making it through or crash and burn.
If the choices you make defines who you are, then what would this reflect on you?
I believe that God will not leave us, whatever our choices may be.
But a bad destiny can be, must be changed to a good destiny.
Like living in a place that rains once a year, but once it rains, it fills up a river. A bad destiny would be you be dead waiting for the next rainfall and changing this doom to a good destiny is by using your brains to trap the water by building a dam or putting it somewhere it won't dry off in rations that would last you a year.
See the difference?
Destinies can be changed. First you have to believe in God, then do something to rectify, then leave it to God again. Tawakal never stops, even when we are in the process of trying. We enter into our efforts fully aware of our inadequacy and the might of the Almighty that surpasses all things, even destiny.
So what am I going to do? I truly don't know. I haven't the slightest idea. I can't see the light yet.
But hey, as a consolation thought is this: we somehow always end up where we are supposed to be.
Maybe this is the path that was meant for me, and maybe it isn't.
I think I'm old enough for taking my chances with fate. If I am not here, then I'll definitely be over there.
In any case, I hope everything turn out alright ;)
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