Careless heart in a game to lose

Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening

~Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound's the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

I don't like this feeling of being weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for wanting something so unattainable.

You don't even know I exist, I know. I've been spending my days and nights playing with schemes to "accidentally" make myself known, or for you to magically say "hi" to me.

Crazy. And childish.

Sometimes, I'm disgusted with myself.

But I never cease to question myself, "why you?"

No one can answer that.

You just popped into my mind one day and decide to stay in my heart.

I wish I can purge you out.

The heart never learns as it plays by its own rules.

I wish it wasn't so.

No one can know, because it'd be embarrassing.

And because I can't have you, I resolve to keep on moving, to keep on running.

Maybe I'll busy myself so that there is no chance to think about you. Bury myself in search of earthly transient fulfillment in my budding career or anywhere that I'm sure you are not there.

Because I just can't accept that I let the heart to be so loose that it could be broken by just anyone. This is absolutely unacceptable.

It's like you're holding a tiny glass diamond everywhere you go. But without you realizing it, this particular glass diamond has the tendency to fall off your grip at the most inopportune time, mostly without you realizing it. Then somebody from out of nowhere, walking by in a rush, accidentally trampled on it and broke it to pieces. So you're left with a broken ornament. There is no one to demand repair, because they did not realize it. Furthermore, they are long gone now. So nothing left to do but to pick it up, patch it all up again or get a new one and resolve to never it let it drop again so carelessly. Because it is so costly to replace or repair, you better not let it drop again.

...

So what now?

Nothing.

Because the things in your heart, while its still in your heart, it is still valuable and safe. But once you let it out, then things are not yours to control anymore. Remember this quote,

" Love is like a game of cards, if they know what cards you're playing then they control how the game would end"

La haula wala quwwata illa billahil 'aliyyil 'Azim