Let go and let God.

In truth, 
I am bedazzled by your smile.
Every time I remember it, a pang of disbelief floods my heart: how on earth that your smile is more stunning than mine?

How can I not thought of it that way?  
It is arresting and honest with all kinds of beautiful.
Brightening my days and shining my nights.

Maybe it was meaningful because it was fleeting,
With me one moment and gone the next.

Maybe it was magical because it was futile,
Never to be mine unless with a strange twist of fate.

Maybe it was unreal because the memory polished,
Becoming much more dreamy with every remembrance.

This vision of the past,
heavy with hopes of a future,
Intricated with the complexity of this earthly life.

I was, am grateful for the heaviness of this longing.
A sneak peek of what it would be like to just step into heaven.

For I know that to be worthy of a second chance with you in the afterlife,
An absolute surrender to Allah swt is the only way.
While fighting for that chance,
I will brave anything and everything.

In the end we'll see: am I worthy to drown in your smile again?

Saudade

How big an ocean has to be to take it all in?
How big a heart has to be to take all in stride?
How does the sky be so high when nothing is its pillar?
How does the mouth make a smile when the eyes loses its shine?
Surely not by any humanly means. 

The mind doesn't comprehend,
the heart heavy and feet leaden to the ground. 
Nowhere to go but no choice but to move. 

Someday you won't feel it; the tugging of saudade. 
Maybe it'll take two lifetimes,
But take heart, nothing is forever. 

Answers will come too late because we don't need it anyway.
Everything will go on as written, 
Flowing infinitely through the rivers of time,
With or without you and me.

Asking through the nothingness

Do you realise that I want to give you everything?
I don't want anything from you except that you allow me to love you.
Sometimes I think you like the idea but I am never really sure. I like to think, with my rose-tinted glasses of course, that you're hurting me intentionally but with the nobility of a fallen hero. A necessary restraint on the heart to avoid a destiny that you think would happen (would it matter if I say it wouldn't? Wouldn't you even give me the benefit of a doubt?)
I am curious about how it would be like to give you everything. Like a blind moth, desiring the flames that would end its life. Maybe you are that to me, a flame that would destroy my being. There is no need for you to apologise for being destructive,  that is your nature. You burn and then you disappear.
You know, we should try it sometime. I promise that when I exhaust myself of giving, I will leave you.
Until that time comes, let me dance in your fire.