Lampias keinginan

Sudah resmi burung,
Dilihatnya langit,
Mahu dicapainya,
Mahu dipeluk lembut awannya,
Mahu dibelai sepoi anginnya..

Namun takdirnya dia burung yang tak dapat terbang,
Sayapnya belum diberi kekuatan,
Belum diizin Tuhan menyelusuri alam,
Menggapai isi kayangan.

Atau mungkin takdirnya hanya menyokong teman,
Yang jauh terbang didada langit,
Menyorak, menghargai, mendoakan
Agar yang lain itu baik-baik saja disana
Walau makna doanya yang dibisiknya itupun
Hakikatnya dia belum mengerti
Kerana belum mengalami.

Memaksa hati memahami
Adalah ujiannya sekian lama.
Mengikis kesabaran yang sedikit,
Lalu dipalit kebosanan demi kebosanan.

Mahu dijeritnya saja,
"Pergi kau jauh!
Kenapa terbang disini?
Apa yang kau dapat dengan mengagahku terbang?"

Tapi temannya jauh dilangit,
Tak tercapai suaranya ke mereka,
Malah,
Kata-kata itu tak pernah lepas dari kerongkong,
Luahan perasaan itu cuma senyuman sekilas,
Yang datang dengan hirisan halus dilubuk hati.

Tertunduk saja akhirnya,
Memikirkan mungkin namanya perlu diganti,
Kerana dia
Bukan seperti yang lain.

Bending the river

What a challenging day it has been today.
I've experienced first hand, several times, how difficult it is to be the one to bend the river.
The river has been flowing for so long in the wrong direction, that some lands were laid barren. It's supposed to flow there too, but somehow something  (probably beavers) have been rerouting the river by making a dam to suit their needs, defying the law of nature.
So I changed it.
The beavers were struck mad I tell you, hurling so many accusations that sometimes amazes me. I am baffled, how could you not see that what you are doing is so wrong? If it's easy doesn't make it right. Just because it was like that before doesn't mean it has to be so now. When something is wrong and you get away with it, even after a thousand years it won't be right. Whatever your reasons, ignorance or cunning, are destroyed by one truth: it is wrong.
So excuse me as I continue to bend the river. The route before is wrong and it has to be set right. Even if your assaults are relentless, this is what gives me conviction: this mandate is mine to carry and answer for before my God. Therefore only the best will do. Only the truth will do. Nothing else.

Incomprehensible absence

Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.
~Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

There is a definite hole in my reality now. Just to fill it, I mouthed your name. Then I said it clearly,"Ayah". It took so much to say it, I was nervous about what would happen if I said it. But once I did, the word just got out, foreign to my ears.
Then the weight of how I miss you came on my shoulders, more so with the realization that you will not be found again, even if I look at all corners of the earth.
The absence is final, incomprehensible.
I love you, I miss you and we are all lost without you.
Surely Allah will take care of you, more than we ever could.