I don't know about my love philosophy now. As other parts of my life is as complicated as this love section, it helps to simplify things. Now I am all about song dedications. How I play the field now is like Mr A-Z sang in this song:
Somehow, this gives me peace of mind. Of course, we had a great time. If there is something more there then I'm prepared to give it a try. But if there is nothing worth taking chance on, then I'd just tip my hat to say thank you with a smile and walk away without any grudges. And if I have the option to give another song then I'll give this too, just for fun haha :D
Yes, we got to face it: in this world, no one comes out alive. Once we've established that fact and everyone understands the impact of it, we'll move on to the next stage: what we're doing with the time we've been given here?
So if your life flashed before you What would you wish you would've done?
Don't kid yourself that you have so much time, you can't see how many stones of sand are left in your hourglass. Each second, without fail: we're getting older and closer to dying. It's such a waste for us to just wither out and die, we have so much potential! We can learn everything, we can do anything as long as the heart agrees and the body is able. I've long believed that the world is such a big place to be stuck in one corner. Wherever we go, whatever we do: God will provide, so why the hesitation? I've never lost the hope that someday I'll be able to tick off some items on my list. For me, the thing withholding me the most is the unavailability of money to squander on my dreamed adventures and the fact that I am such a coward to go at it alone. So friends, jom? We'll overpower the ones that doubt us by our infallible belief that we can do it haha. Some of the things on my bucket list (yes, very much like the movie but they did it when they're so old, I was hoping that I won't kick the bucket just yet :p)
To handle any machine that flies, with me in it. I've been contemplating to take flying lessons, I don't really care if it's a helicopter or a plane: as long as it flies. Hey, even a hot air balloon is ok :D
To play paintball. I've been jealous of the many people who had played. Seriously it'd be liberating to kill someone even with colorful balls of paint haha
To ride a go-kart and hopefully a F1 car too. I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid and I can still feel the rush in my dreams as I tackle the bend of the road. Gile hensem! haha
To learn diving and have a diver's license. I got this chance when I was in uni but the fee then was out of my means. My ptptn is only for fees only, so xleh la berfoya-foya sangat :P. The closest I get to seeing the fishes up close is when I went snorkelling once in Pangkor. That was truly a dream vacation..
To go to Japan, Egypt, Greece and Korea. My friend once told me that the pyramids in Egypt and the Nile aren't all that they are so hyped to be but still, I want to go there! haha
So those are some of the top things in my list. I need some friend who'll go with me! Jom laaaa...we'll do some of the things in your list too ok? I promise ;)
Ok getting back to the song, I'm interested with this phrase:
And if your plane fell out of the skies Who would you call with your last goodbyes Should be so careful who we live out our lives So when we long for absolution There'll no one on the line
It is good advice not to burn bridges. You'll never know when you have to cross the same river again. So in this life, try to be good to everyone and don't cut the ties until there's no hope of getting back again. What if in the future we have to ask for something from that person again? So forgive, but never forget. However, don't keep those who bog you down. God did not create you so you'll crawl through life. Just play your cards right: you don't have to have everyone like you but you don't need haters either. It's a delicate balance: I'm still working on it myself.
Another thing is to keep your regrets at a minimum, because when you suddenly see yourself at the end of the line you don't really have much time to redo or undo your conduct in life. When you gotta go, then you gotta go. You think the angel of death would stall his schedule just so that you can do that one little thing? Death is happening everywhere so you must understand how busy he is. So spare yourself the trouble and do things while you still can.
Say you love someone even when it hurts and give forgiveness to the ones that hurt you. Give praise when it's due and criticize only when it helps. Be the one who build and not the the one who break. These you do so that you'll be the one to smile and not the one who cries.
p/s: I hope I'm not too thick-headed to take my own advice. C'mon, life don't begin at any number, rather it begins when you want it to :)
As they say, we can't predict the future. So I'll hold on, with unfaltering hope that there's something very funny about this when we look back into our lives. Hey, the past can't be undone so let it be. It's the future we must be concerned about. So what if we have to deal with this thing now, life would be just black and white otherwise. One thing's for sure, I am NOT alone in this decision. You'd be surprised to know how much time I've spent contemplating, asking around and praying for a change. In conclusion, I feel that I have to better myself to get a better person in my life. Or, most likely this is just a way for reminding me of how much I've led astray from Him. I believe that He is never cruel, so I would not be the one unappreciative of all the things He has let happen in my life. In this life test, even though there's no chance to come out alive I sure do hope I'd get out of it with flying colors ;)
When this song is played, I picture myself in a dimly lit coffee house with a live band on stage. There are little round wooden tables with plain white sheets that look almost orange under the lighting. There are not many people there, just some minding their own business and having quiet unnecessary conversations. I'd sit alone at a corner table, drinking up the atmosphere and drown myself in the music. At the side of my table, there is a couple of old lovers. The woman was dressed in a green sequined dress and wore heavy makeup, as if trying to erase the years under thick layers of chalk. The man was unassuming, just looking at the band onstage as if not really hearing anything and seeing right through the walls. Maybe the couple is just doing a routine night out, just as they did for the past 30 years. Thinking back about the events that move them to this moment, they are lost in the thousands of possibilities that they could experience. There are no new memories, just a great desire to reminisce and re-live the old times. Silent. All the what-ifs and whys are taking a toll on the way people see the world. All the questions that constantly assail our confidence in others would eventually erode it bit by bit until the hard truths stare out at you. However, sometimes the questions arise from our own insecurity and the need to belong and accepted. Looking through this perspective, sometimes we see and feel things that are really not there at all. We can never know what the other is feeling and thinking: so to contemplate on these things would only bring ruin. People sometimes don't understand why people don't or won't understand them. For me, what is there to understand? Can't we live with our differences and search for a way to go round them? People are always worked up about being the victim, about always being the one so wronged. Dramatize life, so that we can rationalize our failures and shortcomings. Some things are better left unsaid. Some things are best left unsaid. Let it go. If we don't, we will never get it back to good. No one is backing down, so everyone is going nowhere. In the end we are just left with memories of possibilities, lonely in our decision to always be right regardless of the consequences. Well, it is really important, you know... to be right.
Let me hold you For the last time It's the last chance to feel again But you broke me Now I can't feel anything
When I love you, It's so untrue I can't even convince myself When I'm speaking, It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing We are turning into dust Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell something that ain't real
Well the truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train When we both know it's too late (too late)
You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I cant tell you something that ain't real
Well truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time It's the last chance to feel again
I can't get this song out of my head. To feel like this song is to know that feeling is futile. No use. It is the feeling that turns into knowing that the heart is hurt so deep inside that it can't be undone. There is no more sadness, no more tears; just a desire to let go and let it be. The eyes that see would notice the emptiness: the eyes won't reflect anything anymore. It runs too deep and sucks everything in. The smiles would turn into just a facial change; not a mirror of happiness or content. The nagging feeling that somehow the situation would change if you could only get away, far away from them. Let them be with their dreams and aspirations..without you in the picture. Let them reach what they desire..without you in the future. It doesn't matter anymore.
Love is still there, but it is easier to let go. No use in trying to build on ruins. So all that is needed is a final goodbye, a final kiss before it all ends. As you know, letting go would destroy you but there is simply no use pushing on. Either way, it kills.
So yes, now I know first-hand passive aggression. It is toxic.
Ever googled your own name? Haha. I have, just because I was bored. I've found many songs about Rosalina, all singing about how much they love me hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I wish.
Njoy! Keep me in your hearts ya ;)
-This one's my favourite although I don't understand a word he's singing
-This is another song about Rosalina that I don't understand. But it has some kind of raggae feel to it hehe (some pf the lyrics sond to me like: OooOOo Rosalina nak gado :p)
Who is more affected by a heartbreak? Who is more immune to rejected affection? Who could bear the humiliation of placing your heart on the hands of others only to watch it being thrown away, stomped upon as if it is of no value?
Does being a girl or a boy would make a difference?
I think it doesn't. If you're broken, then you're shattered until you heal. The rate of you healing would depend on how much have you gambled with your one shot of finding a place in their hearts.
I always thought it as ironic that even when you give so much and risk everything for something, there is always a chance that you won't get anything. Sometimes you even lose all that you gave.
How can it be that the blessing of love is only given to only one in the supposedly 2 players in the game of love? Where is the fairness of that situation?
Maybe love is not governed by the rules of fairness. They say, "All is fair in love and war". So maybe it is also true with the lack of love.
I pity with the person in this song. The reality of fixed love destinies are hard to accept and sometimes cruel in the lesson. Wanting someone hard enough won't make her yours. You have to move on: anything more than a year (in the song it's 2 years. Should it even be this long?) is really wasting your time. Why? Because the world won't stop just to wait for you to heal. You have to heal while moving on with life.
Give a little of your heart only to those who'll trade it with some of their own. There is no such thing as unconditional love for us mortals. Unconditional love is ultimately divine. I think it is not something we humans are capable of.
...well, at least someday we'll know whether or not this is true. If this ever happens to me, I hope I'll have the strength and grace to take my own advice.
So what are we going to do? ...but before that, do you care at all this is happening? Are you just going to sit there, yapping away about all the injustices of the world, declining to vote because you think all politicians are doomed to hell anyway and just go about your life, distancing yourself from the world just because you can't stand it? Please, go away. You don't earn the right to do anything because you stand up for nothing. You are like a balloon, big but just full of air. You burst when provoked, produce a loud bang but then there is nothing. It's like you never existed.
Everyone keeps talking They promise you everything But they don't mean anything
You're just satisfied with what you have now, thinking that "yeah, that's enough" and never even tried to do something more because you're too satisfied and proud of who and what you are now? Or if you are affected by the events, you just give it a thought for 2 seconds or so and then revert back to your daily lives? Or if you're more than that, you're sad and determined to do something about it but then you take a step back, look at the bumpy road ahead and say to yourself, "can I do it? Is it my destiny? Maybe other people who are better than me will come and do it..." after which you just shrug your shoulders, "Ah, well..." and then walk away without a second thought. All the time thinking that you've made the right decision.
Move your hands in circles Keeping me hypnotized The power behind your eyes Move around your bedroom cursing the naked sky You should be here tonight But you stay alone and cry
...sorry to burst your bubble but you're dead wrong. If you can see, you can do something. If you can talk, then you can do something. If you can walk, then youshould do something.
C'mon, get real. Of course there are people better than you. MAYBE they'll do the job better but are you just going to sit around and wait? What if the better person came but it was already too late to do anything? During that that time, who'll take blame? Who'll shoulder the responsibility of a lost chance?
Maybe you're thinking, why am I so angry anyway? I am surprised and a bit scared of the ignorance plaguing the world in general (muslims and non-muslims alike). The most dangerous thing is a wannabe hero that thinks he knows everything but in fact know only distorted truths. A hero that live only for the masses. Feeding the fear because that is what makes them heroes. Truth have no value because it'll give no profit or gain. I keep thinking, what times are we living in now? And could it be worse in the future? Maybe, if the young generation now are still ignorant and have no desire to see truth triumph. Remember: keeping silent won't make the problem go away. Don't undermine your own ability. If you believe, that alone would give you strength to go on.
Say goodbye, these days are gone And we can't keep holding on When all we need is some relief Through these hard times (whoa) There's something missing (Oh whoa) You'll never feel it but you (Oh whoa) You're gonna feel it when it's gone When it's gone
Don't let anyone make a fool of you. If you do nothing, they'll think it's ok. Don't just be patient and hold on. Fight! ...and then hold on. Hold on with all your might.
*********************************************************************************** Some of you may think, "Ah, another with their heads in the clouds." I am not a dreamer. I just believe.
This song is for the broken and lost... They fall in and out of love so hard that they never knew what hit them. All they know is that they are left with an ache in their hearts and a confused feeling.
These people are like innocent prisoners trapped in an underground dungeon; alone, afraid and forgotten.When they were finally released from the trappings of love, they walked out with a slight limp and shading their eyes from the glares of the sun they hadn't seen in years. Freedom is now foreign to them, they do not know what to do with it. Looking down the long road ahead, they know that they have to let go and start again. Praying incessantly that they wouldn't fall into the dark dungeon again...
Who are the people responsible for sentencing these poor souls to prison? Rather, they are more like irresponsible people. These people do not realize that their words and actions carry weight.They don't mean to make you love them, it's just something they do. They dance through life day by day, never realizing that they are trampling on the lives of others. It is not like they want to be like that. As they say, ignorance is bliss. What you don't know won't hurt you. When they finally realized what they've done, it is often too late. The other is already broken.
For me, ignorance is not an excuse. You can't say simply, "Oh, I didn't mean it that way" or "So sorry, didn't realize you felt that way". The minute you say that, you are saying that the other party is a poor judge of the situation.You got to respect others. Be responsible. Please do not start something you know you can't finish. Life is not a simple game. You can't lose and start over. Surely, if it is then the game would have been banned right now, considering how many lives it had claimed under the name of love.
I think it is hard for someone to not notice that somebody is vying for their hearts. As Dr Fadzilah Kamsah once said, "If someone loves you, you'll know". If you know that someone is waiting for you, please do not let them wait forever. Who are you to make them wait? You think you're that great, huh? Let them go so that could let you go too. Often people don't know what to do so they just let the people who love them be, never giving an indication of what the true situation is. They hide under the excuse, "I don't want to hurt him/her" or "Maybe if I ignore him/her long enough, they'll forget." So immature. So unrealistic. You're only making it worse. Like the character in Jerry Maguire, "If you don't love her, you got to tell her".
Ultimately, you are not truthful. You are not to be trusted with something so precious like a heart anymore. You just can't handle the enormity of the task. Like I always say, a heart is essentially an amanah. If you can't uphold the amanah, you should not take it in the first place or you would have to answer for it in the afterlife.
But, my friend, if you really did not realize that someone loves you, then it is another story. If it is not intentional, then it is okay. It is still not right, but just okay. But bear in mind that once you realize it, you have to make a decision: to accept or not. Either way, you should do it gently and with respect. Then only you are worthy of love.
Now I think I know why some people hide their feelings. They're afraid they'll be rejected, they're afraid that they'll look stupid [ya..I know this part...]. For me the saying "It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all" is bull. I reject it. Rather, for me this quote summarizes it beautifully: "Love is like playing a deck of cards. If the other person knows what card you're holding, then they control how the game will end"
Shadows fill an empty heart As love is fading, From all the things that we are But are not saying. Can we see beyond the scars And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky. And open up to The ways you made me feel alive, The ways I loved you. For all the things that never died, To make it through the night, Love will find you.
What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, What about now?
The sun is breaking in your eyes To start a new day. This broken heart can still survive With a touch of your grace. Shadows fade into the light. I am by your side, Where love will find you.
What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love, it never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, What about now?
Now that we're here, Now that we've come this far, Just hold on. There is nothing to fear, For I am right beside you. For all my life, I am yours.
What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now? What about today? What if you're making me all that I was meant to be? What if our love never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, Baby, before it's too late, Baby, before it's too late, What about now? I think this song is about the trust in a relationship. The big question is: what if? I think the song is about a couple that's been in love for a long time, so long that both are already showing their true colors. However, because they've known each other for a long time simple but important words like "sorry", "I love you", "can I?", "would you?" are not considered a necessity anymore. They tend to forget that in truth the other person is still human, full of emotions and perceptions. It is easy to trample on the hearts of the one you love just because you think they have to stand it, they have to endure it as they are indeed your true love and have to accept you no matter what, no questions asked [this is also true for family members..why is it easy to hurt the ones you love most? sad-but-oh-so-true kinda thing..huhuhu]. This creates a quiet tension. Hurt feelings are not spoken, but stored deep in the heart until it aches every time you breathe. The hurt spread like a cancer, slowly but surely fading the love until one day it all burst all at once, making feelings that was once there disappear. Just like that. Its like a big explosion and then a sudden deathly silence. The love that was once great is just not there anymore because the other person is taking you for granted. The person often does not realize it because they do love you but is too selfish to take you in their consideration. They didn't realize they've lost you. One fine day when they finally realize that you're gone, they're struggling to keep the love alive, trying to mend past mistakes because they know that if they let go, they will lose you forever.
What if our love, it never went away? What if it's lost behind words we could never find? Baby, before it's too late, What about now?
Hope although frail, is hard to die. So they'll struggle with all their might to save the relationship. Eventually it all comes to this: you either want it or you don't. If you do, then hold on. Hold on with all you have. Pray. Pray because things are always bigger than me and you, bigger than the world.
Now that we're here, Now that we've come this far, Just hold on. There is nothing to fear, For I am right beside you. For all my life, I am yours.
Sometimes, after a relationship progresses to the next level the initial infatuation that blinds our judgment of a person often pass. We see the real person, we see them as who they really are. At the same time we see the other person as who he/she is, we are also assessing ourselves.
Is he/she the right one? Could this be for real? Will we stand by her/him in facing life? Would we have the drive to be with her/him in the future?
All this doubts occur in both parties. Both are assessing the other for the potential to make the person truly special in our life. This creates mixed emotions, doubts, distrust. Not because they don't love you, it's just that in truth they are also trying to find the truth. So my friend, be strong for the one you love. Love have to be tested to ensure its strength and purity. Hold on and trust the other person. Yeah, it is not easy. Not even remotely so. The situation is like you're falling into an endless abyss blindfold, hoping for all your heart that the one you love and trust would be there to catch your fall. They have to be there..because they're the reason you jumped in the first place. That is why we call it falling in love. ....thank God it's not called crash and burning into love...hehe :P
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Storm by Lifehouse
How long have I been in this storm? So overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form. The waters getting harder to tread With these waves crashing over my head.
Chorus: If I could just see you, everything would be alright. If I could see you the darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water, and you will catch me if I fall, And I will get lost into your eyes And everything will be alright, and everything will be alright.
I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown, So why am I ten feet under and upside down. Barely surviving has become my purpose ’cause I’m so used to living underneath the surface.
Chorus
And I will walk on water and you will catch me if I fall And I will get lost into your eyes And everything will be alright And everything will be alright.
.....what's with me and love songs nowadays? Listening to this song, I suddenly remembered someone from my past... I've tried to rationalize that liking someone when you're just 10 years old is just tricks of puberty, just part of growing up. But how come I still remember him? It's been close to 14 years... I should just forget it. I know that nobody has the ability to read minds..there is no way for him to know. I am now 24 years old but still I am stuck in this infatuation like a teenager. Pathetic? Maybe. You could say that because you're not in my shoes. Just because of that, you do not have the privilege to pass judgment.
