Oyster

OYSTER

There once was an oyster, whose story I tell,
who found that some sand had got into his shell.
It was only a grain, but it gave him a great pain
for Oysters have feelings all though they're so plain
Now, did he berate the harsh workings of fate,
that had brought him to such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government? Cry for election?
or claim that the sea should have given him the protection?

"NO", he said to himself, as he lay a bit
"Since I can not remove it, I shall try to improve it"
Now the years have rolled around, as years always do....
and he came to his ultimate destiny as it was in queue
and the small grain of sand, that had bothered him so
was a Beautiful Pearl all richly aglow.
Now the tale has a moral for isn’t it grand
What an Oyster can do, with a morsel of sand?
What couldn't we do, if we'd only begin
With some of the thing, that gets under our skin.

~Forwarded email

End of the beginning of the end

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whomever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
~Rumi

I look at life and I notice that it's filled with new beginnings. Every morning is a new day, every hour a new minute, every Monday a new week. Something is always reborn, begin again. But with all the beginnings, there is always the ending. With all the new beginnings, something must end first, destroyed and be gone to make room for beginnings.
To start over, you must end what you're doing now.
Somehow, in my heart something has ended. An era where the future is all drawn up with sure career paths has now cease to exist. It has died, maybe long before I opened my eyes to realize it.
But as the end has passed like a shadow unnoticed by some, I am here trying to build on new beginnings. I'd hide it, never revealing that something has indeed begun. If I reveal it, there is a chance that storms would crash and end the dream. Leaving me barren.

Every stroke that color your future , the tones that move the present and the hues that stain your past should be cherished and accepted as necessary in building who you are. We are all in His plan: a plan that never goes awry or need change. It is us who have to change in order to accept what was given so that we'll deliver our purpose of existence.

The trials, tribulations and success is by essence a guidance handed down to us.

I'm always fascinated by the fact that on top of managing the universe, moving evolution, overseeing the whole world and filling history in such a way that I arrive to this day; Allah s.w.t still render it worthwhile to create and test me, a miniscule being in comparison to all that He has. To contemplate on that is terrifying. To know in your consciousness that you are never alone. Never.

I think the end is near...

Senangnya sesetengah orang kan?
Tak suka, bunuh saja.

Bodohnya aku kan?
Fikir semua akan OK kalau aku positifkan diri.

Kau kata aku pandai sebab dapat 1st Class Honours?
Aku rasa biasa saja. Kau tu yang rasa kau bodoh.

Bukan salah aku kan?

Drugged

To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest expenditure of intelligence
~Friedrich Nietzsche

I am heavily drugged today.
What with the array of drugs the doctor gave me, it shoots me right up to cloud nine. I have cough syrup, paracetamol, clarinase and even vitamin C. I thought it was nothing, as my temperature was only 38C yesterday (our normal temperature is 37C, so I thought: hey, it's just 1C difference!) so I was quite shocked with the array of drugs the doctor prescribed me.

So today I am groggy.
Suddenly I wonder why do people struggle to get high?

Life: people say is like a wheel, always going up and down. So I think that if it is just going up and never wanting to touch the ground is not life but a naive dream. Being high all the time is not life; merely letting your life slip away as you continue to exist, but not live.

People who are high will fall harder when they wake up to reality. The higher you are, the harder your fall will be. When high, the senses become numb but when sober the senses become ultrasensitive and the reality of the addict will crash down hard on them, making them wanting to get high again and be free of the tugging of life.

I think addicts are very sensitive to life; they even have an almost artistic view to life.

You see too much, and what you see you don't like. Then you opt to escape life the easy but cowardly way of popping a pill or downing cough syrup that will make you lose yourself. You try to be free of your destiny by totally ignoring it and refusing to take responsibility of driving your own life. Eventually it'll work: you'll lose yourself and fade away. Like dust, you mean nothing.

To try and find yourself again would be a challenge and few people have managed to hold themselves and prevent going down the abyss of nothingness. So don't try and go down that road; you'll never come back.

Simple is Cinta

Hari ni nak cakap pasal cinta.
Bosanlah yang lain- lain. Otak jem.
Politik, drama hidup bodoh, kerja. Semua bosan.

Jom kita cakap pasal benda yang seronok: cinta. Atau kalau geli perkataan tu, kita sebut je kasih (or adakah lebih menggelikan? Love, ok x?)

Rasanya paling menghayati cinta waktu sekolah menengah. Spesifiknya waktu menengah rendah (form 1-3). Masa tu masyaAllah, gatalnyaa!! hahahaha
Masa tu minat klasmet, minat abang tu, minat abang ni, cikgu pun minat juga ;)
Mmg, masa menengah rendah adalah waktu yg paling sarat dengan kasih sayang untuk org asing.
Masa tu seronok minat orang, share ngan kawan2. Diorang spy kn untuk kita, kita spy kan utk dia. Communication network kalangan kawan2 untuk lapor pasal yg diminati mmg dashyat. Siap ada codenames lagi, untuk elak orang lain tau :D

Tapi itu kasih, minat, cinta yang simple. Mana ada diganggu faktor hidup yg kompleks seperti sekarang, expectations seperti sekarang (keinginan utk commit, utk kahwin dan sebagainya). Masa tu semua simple. Aku minat kau, kau buat2 tak tau and kita flirt dalam cara yang buatkan masing2 perasan hahahaha. Memang sweet!

Sekarang? nak letak sesiapa dalam hati pun susah, kerana takut kecewa. Dulu, kecewa x kisah. Cinta berani mati. Sebab cinta yg simple. Sedih, tp kejap je sebab senag je nk replace org yg diminati (hahaha, ye aku tau, aku minat sorang ni da nk dekat 15tahun. Dia aku x pernah replace :p ). Tapi, kisah 15 tahun dulu pun, sekarang ok je sebab tau main- main dan pasti tidak kemana-mana. So sebenarnye aku mana ada "suka" sesape sekarang.

Sekarang mane ade flirt ngan orang, padahal dulu suke gile buat skandal senyap-senyap. Sendiri sendiri perasan dan kecewa sorang- sorang. Dulu memang suka terjebak dalam aktiviti ni hehe. Tapi sekarang? xde. Xde masa, xde tenaga untuk dibazirkan untuk benda-benda yang boleh memberatkan hati.

kan best kalau boleh mengalami percintaan yang simple. Aku mahu dengar cerita kau, kau pun mahu dengar cerita aku. Kau tunggu aku, aku tunggu kau. Basically, kau mahu aku dan aku mahu kau. Yang lain- lain kita cerita nanti. Ini kita settle dulu. Kan best? ;)

Stars for today

May 08, 2009

Aquarius (1/20-2/18)

Big questions are swimming through your mind today -- your subconscious is in a doubting mood, and it's forcing you to wonder about the status quo. You will probably start to think about a career change -- but when you do, be careful not to assume that a new career will be a better career. Different monotony is still monotony, no matter what the new title may be. When you're contemplating change, it's important to factor in a healthy dose of reality

... hahaha. Must factor in a healthy dose of reality. Gotta keep that in mind :p

No more drama

Lyrics | Mary J Blige lyrics - No More Drama lyrics

No More Drama - Mary J. Blige

A heavy heart weighs down your mind.
The dominant emotion now is: Bored.
Bored with all the soap-opera drama.
Bored with people getting all hyped over insignificant things.
Bored with people "merajuk" and expect me to go and apologize.
Bored with people getting irrational and irate over nothing.
Bored with hypocritical people.
Bored with simple minded people.
Bored with mediocrity.
Bored with unfairness.
Bored with boring people.
.
.
.
My colour now is: blue black. Like the sores after a fight.

Why? because I think I have other important things that should have my utmost attention. My family and my PhD.
I miss my family, the precious times lost to stupid things.
I even miss my extended family and the gaths that I was unable to attend.
Know this: I carry all of you in my heart. Because it's from all of you I get my strength. Without you, I'll be what I really am: an afraid, cowardly, weak person.
and for my PhD, if you were a person I'd say, "Hold on please, let all of these drama pass first then I'll be with you again".
I want to do my work in peace!

All other things, please step aside.

p/s: Don't worry people. This blog is like a trash can. This is where I dump all the rubbish bugging my mind. I'm ok ;)

Rosalina

Ever googled your own name?
Haha. I have, just because I was bored.
I've found many songs about Rosalina, all singing about how much they love me hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I wish.

Njoy! Keep me in your hearts ya ;)

-This one's my favourite although I don't understand a word he's singing

Rosalina - Fabio Concato

-Another one. This one makes me think of Africa. I don't know why.

Rosalina - The Upbeat

-This is another song about Rosalina that I don't understand. But it has some kind of raggae feel to it hehe (some pf the lyrics sond to me like: OooOOo Rosalina nak gado :p)

rosalina - Anslom

-This video even has lyrics. It's in some kind of Indonesian diaelect. I don't understand, but hey, they're singing about a girl named Rosalina :)


Rosalina - ADC Voices

-Hahahaha, at last! A song that I could understand. Hehe, sweet, but kinda slow for me

Complicated

When something is so complicated, what do you do?
Do you go angry at that thing for being so complicated that you couldn't figure it out? Do you go around and say: "You are too complicated, it is your fault. I wont waste my time anymore with you" ?
Haha.
Funny are those with simplistic minds. Something so big can't be fit into something so small. Open up! Be free of your ideals. Let them guide you, careful not to be trapped by them.

If in my line of work I adhere to this line of thinking, I'd quit in no time. Abstract and complex situations in nature won't bow to old concepts. Everyday is a challenge, don't let your mind trap you into thinking that something should follow a predetermined set of rules: "It is supposed to like this, suppose to be like that, shouldn't be like this, shouldn't act like that...yada yada yada"
Remember, you are just one insignificant person: you can not thrust your ideals into someone else because what you consider right might not be so for other. Don't be so egoistic.
Do not be afraid of change. The world won't stop just because you can't catch up.
Celebrate the differences in each of us because that is what makes each of us unique. I won't change myself for your sake.
Dynamics is the order of the world. Everything moves in motion. Change is the only constant.
**********

I've been stuck at a certain point of my research for over a year now. Yes, it is complicated. But will the PCR simplify itself for me? Will the reagents realize how much effort I've given the method and sympathize? The answer is a flat no. But that doesn't stop me, I'm going to figure it out. Somehow. I don't know how, but I'd try. Try until there's nothing left of me.
Like Sha said to me, "You sure you've done everything? Everything?"
I can't honestly say I did. I don't sleep in the lab, I don't dedicate all the 24hours of my life for this particular problem. In truth, I admit that I've not given it my everything. So I have no excuse: I have to keep trying.

...And then we wait.